Sunday, 26 August 2018

Race against time

I literally have 15 minutes to write here. There are too much to tell but too little time to actually focus and write from the heart and mind. 

Life has been busy. I started to get some fever and sore throat. There are times I feel down for stupid things, but I get up and chin up later on, because I know it is due to hormonal imbalance (menstruation!). Sometimes I tried to get them out from my head but I was too immerse to entertain the evil voice in my head. I blame the hormone. 

And after that it get better. 

As you know, I currently LDR with my husband. There are times I feel a bliss of doing things on my own, but most of the times I feel lonely and sad. We talked about this, and according to him the loneliness can sometimes drive him crazy. From my side, the loneliness make my heart want to explode and it burst into tears. 

True as one of the quote mentioned: A human can be survive and be content with three things: A person to love, a things to do and a thing to look forward to. If you got all three you are okay. But if you lack one of them, your natural instinct will keep searching for that. 

Due to that, both of us has become workaholics. We even go to office in our holidays. Most of the time we OTP and pour our our emotional distress and the stupid stories happening around us. 

Both of us can mobilize, with huge sacrifice. And the sacrifice not worth compared to what we have right now. My salary goes to tickets and travel and food (and of course clothing and accessories). I tried to search for another opportunity so I can be near with husband and stay in my own home but for now it is too risky. The industry I'm in right now used to be stable before but now no longer. Also I am very comfortable with the perks here. 

I think most of you aware I'm doing my PhD. The PhD thingy is consuming. I race against time. It's like too many things to do but too little time. I lost control over my Gantt Chart and this worry both of my supervisors. Both of them put pressure on me (which I love anyway) and make me alert on time constraint. They said that I should push my limit and GOT. GOT is Graduate on Time, which is the terms to explain that post-graduates are encouraged to graduate on time without extension (ceteris paribus). This is to avoid wasting time, energy, finance and many more. I race against time due to my work. My work actually not really demanding but the system in my organization is sorta archaic that makes me to do extra works for simple things. I hope they will improve the system which is very imminent I heard through the grapevine. After the previous government collapse, there are much changes and we are affected. Thus, there are some things need to be expedited. 

Pray for me. 

Infertility as expiation of sin: My personal thought

Reminder: Read at your own risk. As the title implies, this is my personal thoughts. It may sounds a little bit blasphemous but it is my ...