Wednesday, 9 September 2015

Why Allah Bless Some With Children and Others Not?

"Allah knows what every female bears, and that of which the wombs fall short of completion and that in which they increase; and there is a measure with Him of everything" 
(ar-Ra'du: 8)

I came across some articles on the issues of infertility in the perspective of Islam. However, some of the articles sounds condescending to the childfree couple. For example, I read some of commentators are disagree with the connotation that infertility is (maybe) the punishment from Allah and the childless couple should ask forgiveness from Allah. They argued that it is Allah's wisdom, and Allah is The Most Forgiving. 

I think some of us were also facing this, that we are not blessed with child because we have too much sins and our sins may not be forgiven. Forgive them, anyways. It's not that I disagree I have sins, it just offends me on the perception of the infertility.


This is one of the good tazkirahs (reminder) for the childfree couple.  I found  this via The Seekers Hub, the portals which I subscribe to participate in their various courses every semester free of charge. The tazkirah can be downloaded and you can ask the teaching assistant and the syakhs if there is ambiguity arises in the forum. The downloaded tazkirah can be listened anytime. 

This tazkirah is only 10 minutes but I wish I can share it and it go viral, so that it can be a reminder for us all that life is a test, be it with child or no child. I segregate the tazkirah into two sections:

First: Syakh Ahmad Saad al-Azhari talks about the wisdom on having a child or not having child. It is very good explanation I guess, compact but not sounds condescending at all.

Second: He discussed the wisdom of the verses on the supplication for child. We should ask for trust bearer rather than simply a child. He said that everything we ask, we ask with purpose or carrier. This is reflected by the supplication of the Prophet Zakariah AS. 



Friday, 4 September 2015

Excerpt from book: The Power of Your Subconscious Mind - 1


Wear gratitude like a cloak and it will feed every corner of your life. 
Rumi



Last few weeks, I bought this book to kill my negative thoughts and vibrations in my body. Too depress to go out. The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy (PhD). Berharga RM37.50. So far, I reach about 1/3 of the book. Banyak tips tips and explanation, but basically it is the tips on how to change our mindset to the positive one, so it becomes a new pattern and subsequently lead to a happy life in every aspects of life. Below is the excerpts I found good for us the childfree couple and also to everyone I think:

Credit: link

IDEAS TO REMEMBER:


  1. Be a mental engineer and use tried and proven techniques in building a grander and greater life
  2. Your desire is your prayer. Picture the fulfillment of your desire now and feel its reality, and you will experience the joy of the answered prayer.
  3. Desire to accomplish things the easy way - with the sure aid of mental science
  4. You can build your radiant health, success and happiness by the thoughts you think in the hidden studio of your mind
  5. Experiment scientifically until you personally prove that there is always a direct response from the Infinite Intelligence of your subconscious mind to your conscious thinking 
  6. Feel the joy and restfulness in foreseeing the certain accomplishment of your desire. Any mental picture you have in your mind is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen
  7. A mental picture is worth a thousand words. Your subconscious will bring to pass any picture held in the mind backed by faith
  8. Avoid all effort of mental coercion in prayer. Get into a sleepy, drowsy state and lull yourself to sleep feeling and knowing your prayer is answered
  9. Remember that thankful heart is always close to the riches of the universe
  10. To affirm is to state that it is so, and as you maintain this attitude of mind as true, regardless of all evidence to the contrary, you will receive an answer to your prayer
  11. Generate waves of harmony, health and peace by thinking of the love and the glory of God
  12. What you decree and feel as true will come to pass. Decree harmony, health, peace and abundance.
(page 110-112)

Berkenaan Infinite Intelligence, ada sesetengah buku write as The Universe, ada juga The Infinite Power, and actually I wondered if this technique is Islam compliant and if it can be practiced by Muslim. The non-Muslim considered the highest power as Infinite Intelligence and The Universe, tapi kita sebagai Muslim, the highest power adalah dari Allah. So most of the teaching and tips in the book are actually very close-related with the teaching of Islam and Sunnah from Prophet Muhammad PBUH. In fact, the positive thinking actually adalah cabang konsep dari bersangka baik dengan Allah. 

Tuesday, 1 September 2015

Being Childless or Jobless: Which one is more painful?



There is no telling how many miles you will have to run while chasing a dream. 
~Author Unknown



Last week I wrote something emotional. Thank you all friends who took time to leave your comments, I highly appreciate that.

I'm struggling to find a decent job. It has been two and a half years I've been actively seeking job. Dah hantar resume to so many organisations, and I also joined some seminars and workshop, and also wrote articles for publication and joined conferences -- to beautify my resume. Masih lagi tak berjaya. Interview pun tak banyak., dalam 4 je. Ada satu tempat tu, called me twice -- I went there twice but to no avail. I habis wrote my thesis at at the end of 2013, (campur correction, campur submission, tunggu examiner, tunggu viva, correction lagi, pastu submit untuk formation, pastu cari co-supervisor yang sarat tunggu hari untuk beranak, bla bla bla ) the process of graduation is so slow that until today I still waiting for the senate meeting confirmation. 


Lama gilaaaaaaaaaaaa...kan? (eh ada 'kan' kat hujung ayat sebab pancing validation dari kawan-kawan..hahahaha kesian pada diri sendiri) 


Countless times I rang, I emailed, and I contacted the postgraduate centre to expedite the process, tapi nampaknya rezeki tidak berpihak kepada saya. Bila dah settle, minta surat tamat belajar pun tak dapat, sebab alasannya mereka tetap tunggu mesyuarat senat. 

In the meantime, pantang ada jawatan kosong, I applied. Yang tak ada jawatan kosong pun I hantar resume, kadang-kadang ada juga tempat I mintak 2-3 kali. Sebab I pernah dapat offer satu tempat tu lepas isi 5 kali borang online. Banyak juga yang dah hantar, nampak macam mudah dapat, sebab semua syarat I can fulfill, but still rezeki not on my side.

In the meantime juga, orag sekeliling I boleh dikatakan semuanya moving fast forward. Beli new car. Beli rumah. Beli assets. Tambah anak. Tukar tempat kerja for better pay. Naik pangkat. Buat part time business untuk tambah income. Bab tambah anak tu memang I tak ada la, tapi bab lain tu sungguh ketinggalan. 

This time, mak ayah I dan mak ayah mertua dah mula bising. Ayah mertua siap sindir konon beliau dah pergi Haji dah doa depan Ka'abah, dia macam nak tuduh I yang tak active cari kerja. Tapi I diam je la sebab malas nak ambil port sangat orang tua-tua punya mulut. Not only that, my supervisor pun suruh I cari kerja, beliau kata ekonomi Malaysia tak bagus, mesti secure job. Mesti kerja. Dia kata dia boleh terima I untuk PhD bawah dia tapi dia nak I secure job untuk masa depan I. Dia ingat I tak nak migrate, tapi  I am ready to migrate for my career development sebenarnya. Initially husband tak bagi, but one day when I bring up the past (I know it is dosa) dia terpaksa giving in.

Bila dah 2 tahun setengah cari kerja tak dapat kerja, inner pain tu lebih sakit dari tak ada anak. 

Tahu apa yang berubah? Banyak dah berubah. 
Muka I semakin kusam, sebab dulu mampu beli kosmetik bagus dan pemakanan sihat.
Makanan pun I tak mampu nak beli yang berkhasiat seperti dulu. Dulu mampu beli groceries beratus, yang bagus yang terbaik, vitamin tambahan, dan lain-lain.
Travel- apatah lagi. Yang ada pun tumpang mak ayah kami je.
Astro - pun tak mampu
Fine dining - kena tunggu extra money dari husband yang buat part-time job
Beli baju, tudung, kasut dan handbag baru - Tak mampu juga. I beli yang murah murah je. Tapi Allah rezekikan I banyak kat sini. 
Tengok wayang - hm..jarang, tapi ada la sekali sekali.
Kereta dari dua dah jadi 1. My car pula adik dah pakai, kebetulan ayah yang settle the loan, so I tak boleh claim kereta tu I punya, sebab memang ayah yang belikan untuk I pun masa belajar. 
Fertility treatment - lagi laaa tak mampu.


Mujur ada internet....God bless internet..phewwwww!!
Kurang sikit kebosanan duduk rumah. 
I starting to feel bored with the housechores. Ada juga gardening buat mini lawn tapi semua tu jadi satu kebosanan bila kita dah biasa hidup aktif dan bergerak dengan matlamat yang kita simpan dalam diri kita yang kita seorang je yang tahu, suddenly kena tukar rutin. Naik gila rasanya and someday I just being a whiny and a jerk. 

Penyesalan pun dah tak berguna. Menyesal sebab dulu berhenti kerja ikut husband and now I am just penniless housewife. 

Sedara mara dah mula berteka teki pasal kehidupan I. Berteka teki tu tak apa, yang jadi sakit hati bila ada sindir menyindir. 
"Belajar tinggi-tinggi tak ada kerja juga"
"Belajar sampai Master tapi tak kerja buat apa"
"Alah tak heran budak universiti belajar tinggi ni. Kereta aku installment bulanan pun sama dengan gaji diorang"
"Aku tak payah masuk universiti belajar tinggi pun, rumah aku besar juga"
Selalunya memang I tak layan lah, tapi sakit hati tu tak tahu nak cakap.

Not only that, bila jumpa orang baru dikenali - baru berkenalan, orang akan tanya what we do. Bila cakap tak kerja, terus tak nak borak or worse pandang rendah. Tapi tak apa lah.
Bila jumpa kawan-kawan, lagi laaaahh..and kebetulan most of my friend pun cakap lepas je, like 'tak nak cari kerja ke', 'buat la kek ke biskut ke jual kat orang', 'jaga anak orang pun lumayan', etc..


Bila I baca orang tulis kat Facebook or blog pasal bos itu la ini lah, kerja banyak la, I think itu cuma keluhan di tengah bulan je.. Sebab bila at the end of the month, semua keluhan tu tak ada pun. Tapi kalau ada isu melibatkan whistleblowing atau slandering, atau dengki hingga membawa ke luar waktu bekerja - itu kena jaga jaga dan berhati hati. 


And don't give me suggestion on buat business online lah, itu la ini lah sebab I don't write all constraint here. And I did almost all. 

And to tell to other people pun susah. Rata-rata perception orang termasuk ahli keluarga sendiri, mereka akan rasa kita yang tak cukup berusaha, tak cukup berdoa, tak cukup bersedekah, memilih kerja, dll. 

Baru-baru ni saya cuba mohon scholarship PhD. Dah ada supervisor, dah ada tajuk dah siap semuanya, tiba-tiba scholarship untuk PhD tak ada (kecuali slab/slai) disebabkan keadaan negara kita yang tak berapa stabil. Oh, no need to give suggestion on MyBrain or such sebab semua tu saya dah tahu. Apa yang I cuba buat sekarang adalah apply foreign government punya scholarship. Sengit tak sengit saingan tu belakang kira sebab yang penting I berusaha dan tak menyesal di kemudian hari. Penyesalan adalah satu perasaan paling menyakitkan. Jika anda semua ada kestabilan kewangan, buatlah fertility treatment yang ada dan penuhi impian anda. Supaya one day bila semua ni dah berlalu, no regret anymore.

In the meantimes also, puas saya sibukkan diri dengan activity lain, baca buku self-motivation, macam macam lah. Tapi nak kata teringin gila-gila nak ada anak tu memang tak ada perasaan macam tu lah. Sebab I don't equate child with happiness. 

See..orang tak kerja lagi susah dari orang tak ada anak. 

Agaknya inilah yang dikatakan sebagai gagal dalam kehidupan kan?