Tuesday, 3 March 2015


Hardship should make one grateful for having been saved from that which is greater than the hardship with which he was afflicted. Furthermore, hardship atones for sins. When the slave of Allah gains an appreciation of these facts, he will be thankful. 
-Dr. Aidh al-Qarni in Don't be Sad (pg 296)-

You already knew my hardship. Other than being infertile, I also struggling to get a job. All people said Be patient, because God wants to give you something big that you are made to wait too long. I can absorb that fact, but apparently the close family members are starting whining on when I will be financially independent. For time being, I make correction for my thesis, oh did I tell you that I pass my Viva voce? After the correction, I need to send it to proofread because all the panels said that my English is extremely bad (ah you know it, you read my blog with enormous grammatical errors here and there hahahaha). A paper of mine once rejected by the conference committee due to English although my research is considerably new (as per in reviewers comments). I hope I not waited too long to have senate meeting approval so that I can proceed of searching job in my area, and if not I maybe consider of pursuing PhD. Tengok la dulu macamana. I hope by writing this, I can implant in my mind that I already tell you about it and all those things need to be executed as quickly as possible.

I have a childhood friend, named Tina (not real name). My parents rented a home near them (her parents actually the landlord) and we became the best neighbor they ever had (they said proudly), and that we proudly said that we are relatives. Tina was born on Dec, while I was born on January in the same year. Her mother waited too long and longing for another child. She was born pre-mature, and she always sicks. We are in same age, but looking back our photos together when we were little, it is obvious that she is not growing up healthily. Her brain also affected by her condition which she always scolded by her teachers for being obtuse. She later stay at home babysitting her nieces and nephews, teaches Quran to children and other tasks to get money. She applied jobs but to no avail. In conclusion, she is having a slow brain development. However, in this social media era, we can see that she is trying to adopt the situation. Its pretty annoying at first, with all those cute pseudonym, ugly selfies, annoying status and updates, and she kept contacting me. At first, I was annoyed and wished she not seeing me online. Years gone by, I realized it is because she only imitating her surrounding, she only adopting and adapting the situation around her. She wore make up although it looked grotesque, she wore striking shawls which not suitable with her skins, she pose like a model on grass like muslimah model, and other things as well. I then thought she only try to live normally like other people do, She joined marhaban group. she joined travel group with octogenarians, she joined good activities. I then somehow kinda miss her. Although I don't entertain much of her selfies, I still entertain her when she PM me, or whatsapp me, or liked my photos, or following me through other social medias.

Then I realized, she is pure, her heart is like a 6 year old kid who knows nothing about world drama. She never talked badly about people, she never gossiping, she never hides facts, she never ashamed of talking about her family to me, because she thought I am her bestfriend, I am her childhood friend, I am her BFF till jannah. I started thinking again who she is actually. Maybe she is ahli syurga. That's why God never give her intelligence like we have. 

On my brother wedding, she attended and we talked a little about her condition, her sickness. But all in skedaddle.  We took photo together and she put caption like this, 'my best friend forever'.

Recently, she underwent an operation. I whatsapped her directly and pray her well. It hit me that the operation actually removal of her womb, together with the cyst and fibroid. 

I asked her carefully not to break her heart, she replied sincerely that her womb cannot be saved anymore, because her cyst and fibroid 'eating' the womb, damage the womb, and approaching the urine system of hers. Thus, her womb is removed to save from death. I don't know the exact condition but she wrote that, all has been written by Allah He is the Most Merciful, Allah Maha Mengetahui. I then comfort her and said that the operation is for her betterment, so that she can perform 'ibadah again, and in the Day of Judgement, Allah never asked how much children you have, but Allah counts your good deeds.  I started sharing the tazkirah from other groups to her, and she then talked about life, that Allah wants to test her, and want to see her how she deals with the test. 

My parents visited her. The doctors and the nurses comfort Tina saying that Being fertile is no longer important nowadays, a lot of people with good womb have no children and adopt. Her mother also said the same thing, and my mother also replied, that people with kids also don't feel blessing in life as they sometimes have to go through divorce, being poor and  go through other hardships as well. She then said she is redha with her life. 

I have another friend, she have a son who is now 3 years old. She was pregnant with twins and at 6 months, she felt like she want to deliver the baby. She went to the hospital thought that the twin born premature, but Allah loves them more. The twins are stillborn. After confinement, she came to meet me at my parents home and we never talked about it as I afraid it will trigger her emotion. She looked very well. And some people asked, anak berapa, she replied calmly, baru satu..she never talked about the stillborn twins. 

Hardship comes in different faces. May Allah reward us among the righteous. 


  1. T_T
    cerita Tina make me cry..even i pun ade few cousins yg mcm tu (yg tak berapa expose dgn "real world")...tapi sometime i "pandang sebelah mata" je diorg..hurm...sombongnya i..tp u da bukak mata i,yg actually diorg punye hati lagi bersih n suci drpd kita yg konon-kononnya "lebih berjaya" drpd diorg...hmmm

    1. I used to look down to them. I feel I am luckier compared to them. But think again, they are free from sins as Allah already forgive them due to their 'lackness', and how about us? I also have three neighbors at my parents residential area who are 'slow' due to high fever when they were little, today they live as normal as we do but they always been showered with blessing from Allah in any means because people see them as 'lack', I see them as residents of Jannah. I don't know how about my destiny.

  2. B&C, congratulation on your master degree! U r so right, hardship comes in difference faces... even nikmat pun boleh jadi ujian jugak...sama ada kita ingat atau lupa pada Nya di saat kita gembira... May all of us menjadi hambaNya yg bersyukur... Amin...

    1. Thank you Sweet Tooth. I hope the nikmat becomes our means and road to Jannah.

      Thank you for your du'a. Ameen.

  3. i juga ada kwan begini..dari sekolah menengah.... anak doktor...tak silap saya, die 2 beradik je, die no. 2. n yes, die pn jaga anak2 buah die.... sama sgt...die akan wassap/fb/call. n time join zumba class, die pn ada, n she so excited sbb ada saya(kawan die yg die kenal).... mulia hati orang2 macam ni kan.... tak macam kita...sempurna tapi tak lengkap, pandai tapi bodoh, bagus tapi tak..... semoga Allah s.w.t ampunkan dosa2 kita.... t.care


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