Tuesday, 8 October 2013

"So you are not a real woman lah?"



Judge me all you want, just keep the verdict to yourself. 
~From a Winston advertisement
 
 
 
I never tell my husband about this. I attended one of the interviews several months ago at one of the prestigious universities in Malaysia for a post of lecturer. So, while waiting for the interview, there was a lady in confinement also attended the interview with her 1-month baby and husband. We had to wait the at the interview venue for 8 to 9 hours including the mock teaching session. Apparently the confined lady was still excited with her newborn and talked about her little angle and how behave her baby is all day long, including when we waited privately for mock teaching season. Anyway, tak kesah la. I don't mind listening all her excitement as long as she not undermine me.
 
In the first session of the interview, there were three interviewers, a man, an Indian lady and a hijabi Muslim  lady. So, when the man interviewer asked me what my plan in 5 years, I replied that I gonna do PhD to qualify me as a real lecturer. I don't know any diction that can substitute the word real but that it was. I said that lecturer should equipped with research skills to answer the calling from government of Malaysia to make our universities to become a research universities, that having Master is not enough, and this plan is like my plan for a betterment to the nation, university and myself. Unless if I'm a lecturer of colleges teaching diplomas students, maybe the research skills not necessarily needed, but even lecturers from polytechs starts engaging in researches. That is different story.
 
The Indian lady interviewer asked me to describe little bit about my research. So i narrated the DVs and IVs, problems and the unit analysis, plus how much progress I made so far.
 
The Muslim hijabis interviewer then asked me if I can conduct classes on weekend for part-timers. I said I can. She then asked me if have no parental commitment. I replied that I have no such commitment because I have no kids. She then asked me with smirk,"So you are not a real woman lah?"
I blatantly replied, "No" with wide smile.
 
 
The man interviewer and the other interviewer looked petrified for seconds and quickly asked me on other things to cover up the awkwardness.
 
 
How did I felt? I felt nothing. Cuma for days later when I'm feeling down, I feel embarassed and patronized for being childless. Embarassed and guilt, I never told this to anyone until I write this here. Embarassed, because being childless is mocked in the job interview. Guilt, if I could replace the word 'real'  with another suitable word.

 


43 comments:

  1. sabar..sungguh kejam org itu..what an attitude was that?tak elok, n tak baik dia ckp mcmtu..klu Allah tarik balik rezeki yg Dia bg, baru ternganga dia nt..for me, dia itu sungguh sombong n takbur..girl, just relax ok?masuk telinga kanan, keluar telinga kiri..ignore apa yg dia kata tu..org yg so called bijak pandai ni,actually xpandai mana pun..perasan hebat je..geram plak i

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    1. I masa tu cuma rasa sedih sikit...entah kenapa tak pernah bagitau perkara ni pada husband/ my parents (they are my confidante), sebab i bukan rasa marah, tapi lebih rasa malu, dan bersalah...rasa macam terhina..tapi entah mengapa i took it well...bak kata you, masuk telinga kanan keluar telinga kiri...they maybe pandai in IQ but not EQ...entahla...

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  2. WEH. KURANGHAJARNYE INTERVIEWER TUH!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

    Such question pun bole tanye mase interview ke?! EEeeee biadap gilaaaaaaaaaaaaa
    So u are not a real woman lah?! APE PUNYA SOALAN HAAA....eeeiiiii aksjgaksdhyq@*!@-12-
    sorry B&C. emo gila dgn soalan tu. tak approve my comment pun takpe. MARAHHHHH :((((
    U mmg kool untuk senyum and answered "No"
    I totally understand u, dah taklarat sungguh nak menjawap2 dgn orang2 yg ignorant tapi org ni bukan ignorant die BIADAP NAK MATI. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiii

    should've answered, No, but am not a real bitch like u.
    haa, takdpt keje la pulak nanti kan. tapi Eeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiii biadappppppppp

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    1. Ahahha...masa tu of course I tak terfikir nak jawab apa tapi I jawab 'No' sambil senyum tu dah cukup untuk prove that I can control my emotion...Then lepas tu I terfikir kan bagus kalau I jawab macam ni, "No, I'm more than my uterus!"... haha..dah lepas baru terfikir kan..so lame of me..

      Anyway, i tak dapat pun kerja tu..underqualified gitu..Kalau I tahu I dapat kerja tu, memang i totally jawab macam jawapan you...huargh..

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    2. Kalau I tahu I dapat kerja tu, memang i totally jawab macam jawapan you

      Typo: Kalau I tahu I tak dapat kerja tu.

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    3. Kannnnnn....eeeee...kalau tahu xdpt mmg dah gadohhh dgn interviewer tu! sumpah die biadap gila!! aaaaaaa...geram geram geram! Manusia mcm ni pun ade. *sigh*

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    4. memang bila fikir2, rasa geram, tapi yang dominating perasaan i masa tu adala malu. tak sangka la dia sindir mcm tu, sedangkan i gunakan kelebihan i (being childless) untuk contribute pada organisasi tu..i ok je kerja weekend (of courselah extra payment) tapi dan-dan nak sindir..sigh...i thought of saying 'real' tu sebab they org university, jadi nak i ada PhD or something, i pun nyatakan kesediaan untuk buat PhD tu, tak sangka la jadi modal nak kenakan i balik..

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    5. tu la i faham, kite akan rase malu sbb bende mcm tu pun die leh ckp dpn2 orang time tgh interview.. :( but mmg respect gile kat u sbb u mampu senyum lagi kat dpn2 diorng..patutnye die rase u ade kelebihan sbb belum ada anak lagi, so takde masalah la nak keje lebih masa ke apa..ini perli balik plak. Ke die yg jeles. hohoho...what makes a real woman then? huhuh...nasib baik la u mmg berjaya kontrol emosi...but dont let this kind of manusia let u down okeh..takpayah malu being childless, i rasa jadi emak yg taktahu jaga anak, itu lebih memalukan.

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    6. i don't know why i smile. i smile widely sebab nak beritahu indirectly pada dia that "you are not that great and powerful to bring me down..."..

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    7. So true. Nothing can bring us TTCians down. Lagi buat I bersemangat hihi.

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    8. Yup...Smile is the most eloquent reply to the rudeness

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    9. boleh soalan tu? haisshhh..apa da!! kuajaqqq! kalau i teringin jawab mcm tu - Haruslah!!sambil swing my hair(eh, ttbe free hair)..

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    10. ahahaha..sumpah i gelak baca you punya remarks here...

      Haruslah!! (flip my hair)....Ahhahahahaha...

      You go girl!!

      *masih tersengih sorang2 ni*

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  3. Oh my god. Such a RUDE person and she's teaching our future generations.

    But you are sooooooo cooool boleh jawab with a smile. Respect giler kat you.

    Kalau I la, maybe I will answer "Does it affect you or my chances for this position?". Bengang kot. Tit for tat gitew...

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    1. Suka gila your answer Mrs ARK...napa la I tak terfikir jawapan2 macam tu..ish.

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    2. Time relax ni boleh la terfikir macam tu. Hihi.

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    3. Kaaaannnnn....??!! Masa berada di situasi tu tak reti jawab apa2..Dah lama2 tu baru terfikir 'kenapalah aku tak jawab so and so, this and that..."..

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  4. Ya Allah, soalan apakah itu? i agree with mrs ark's answer. i should prepare this type of answer in the future! the rudeness, wow! tak macam orang educated langsung. i usually get questions like; 'eh merancang ke?' 'errrrrrrr.... noo...' tu la paling teruk. but this is really really terukla. why lah ada orang maam ni?

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    1. Entahla Zura..I pun tak pernah sangka this type of sarcastism wujud kat interview..Not a real woman katanya...padahal kita ni dok ready nak sumbang pada organisasi using our 'flexibility'...kena sindir la pula..hahaha...

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    2. Ni jahatnya fikiran. Ampun Ya Allah.

      Anak dia ramai kot...so sre dia susah bila kena kerja on weekends.

      Ampun Ya Allah.

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    3. Ahahahha..agaknya la kan...kadang2 fikiran jahat menerjah fikiran bila emosi kita tak stabil...Saya faham tu..

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  5. Eee.....tp dia hijabi muslim... Tak tau pasal qada' & qadar ker???!! Sighh...

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    1. Yup...she is hijabis. *sigh*...biarlah dia...

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  6. Assalam..salam ziarah..

    terkedu sekejap baca entry nih.. kejamnya soalannnn...!!!

    saya pernah kena soalan kejam jugak yg buat jantung saya rasa cam dirobek2..soalan dia

    "..kau dah berapa tahun kawin..? tgk..! org yg sama baya2 kau dah 4-5 anak, tau... kau tau tak kau dah rugi masa..??.." lepas ckp camtu, pakcik tu terus membelakangkan saya.. x pandang2 muka saya dah..

    masa tu rasa bukan takat merah padam dah muka saya, tp tahap darah tinggi & muka berapi sangat2!!

    Dlm 7 thn ni saya x pernah terfikir sangat yg saya ni makin berumur..tp lepas pakcik tu ckp camtu..rasa mcm hina sangat ke kalau xde anak.. baru saya sedar dan teringat yg kawan2 umur saya mmg semua dah 4-5 anak..

    lepas dari hari tu, sampai sekarang saya x bertegur dengan pakcik tu.. btw, blog ttc saya add phatlady80.blogspot.

    Dalam blog yg ni, saya x sentuh langsung pasal ttc... just blog biasa2 jer...kebetulan blogwalking kat sini.. ;)

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    1. Hamboi hina sangatkah kalau belum ada anak or masih tak ada anak? Biadapnyaaa....Siap membelakangkan orang lagi tu...
      Rugi masa ya? Suruh pakcik tu baca surah Al-Asr...tengok dalam Quran siapa orang yang rugi masa sebenarnya..
      Saya pun sedar yang saya dah ketinggalan...Tapi bak kata orang, ketinggalan apa? Ada anak tu competition ke? Kadang2 people are insensitive.
      Tapi Allah tidak buta, tidak pekak dan tidak bisu. Kalau pakcik tu buat macam tu, belum tentu Tuhan nak biarkan sahaja.

      BTW, tadi saya baru blogwalking ke blog awak, and noticed that my blog is in your bloglist. Saya pun letak you punya blog dalam my bloglist..

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    2. Nak menyampuk. For me rugi masa kalau hidup makin tua tapi tak beribadat. Takde anak itu bukan rugi masa lah pakcik! (still mood geram) haahaha...

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    3. Bak kata orang, "rumah kata pergi kubur kata mari'. Maka pakcik hendaklah beribadat banyak2 sebelum pakcik meninggal, bukan sibuk hina orang yang belum ada anak. Ish pakcik, mencik!

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  7. OMG! So bloody rude! Is SHE a real woman? Just because she seems so womanly and probably have a dozen kids... doesn't make her a real woman. I baca pun dah marah! Apa lagi you. I'm in awe that you could still keep your calm. You go woman!

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    1. Thank you..Frankly and honestly memang I don't lie here yang I memang cakap No with wide grin. Alah biasa tegal biasa kot. Kot lah. Sebab as I said in previous posts, I lantakkan je orang yang I tak berapa kenal sangat. Lainlah kalau family/close fren, mmg sentap.

      Kalau dia real woman sangat pun, I don't her a damn

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  8. hi..
    so rude wanita berhijab tu leh cakap mcm tu..saya sbg wanita terasa malu sgt dgn ayat dia. tak de anak, so not real woman...dari mana dia dapat fakta tu?! Im totally pist off dgn pe yang dia ckp tu. I pun selalu kena mcm juls julie tu, orang nak menegur kite konon2 dah berumur tak de anak, as if terlalu rugilah sangat...
    lupakah mereka2 ini pada ketentuan tuhan? mengapa suka2 nak menjudge malah meletakkan ayat kurang enak begitu?
    dear sis, the lady yang cakap mcm tu pada u, must say that spontaneously and tak sengaja..i am sure she will regret what she said whether whole heart or half-heartly. tak pelah, let all of us try to forgive her..

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    1. i pun kena juga macam julie tu, asyik la nak remind us yang kita ni rugi. apa ingat buat anak tu investment/business ke? anak tu amanah..bukan product pelaburan/aksesori.

      I pun rasa she said spontaneously, that's why I malas nak fikir sangat, cuma lately I rasa down (hence the melancholic post) and days later after the interview I rasa humiliated. Humiliated sangat.

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    2. i understand..banyak circumstances/keadaan yang saya pun lalui membuatkan saya humiliated sgt2 juga. such as, tiba2 kena diketawakan orang at kenduri kahwin just because i tak de anak. so rude! but life most go on, so let us keep walking tall and be proud with who we are... wink wink..

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    3. Exactly!.

      Like they treat the infertility tu as a joke dan modal nak bergurau dengan orang pulak. Macam orang obesiti, diketawakan dan diejek2 sedangkan perkara tu sensitif. Kalau kanser, ada orang nak ejek2 ke?

      True, hold up your chin and keep walking

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  9. hi b&c.

    ada tak kemungkinan interviewer tu tak ada phd? sebab u mention real lecturer kan. adakah beliau terasa thus the inappropriate Q? hmmmm~ btw, bagus juga u tak balas with something as sarcastic. else u will be like her.

    ur reply is as same as i. kalau time ditanya tu, rasa biasa juga. dah lepas baru nak berperasaan segala ;)

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    1. hi Anis,

      I pun ada sekelumit fikiran dalam hati yang rasa dia tak ada PhD. That's why days later I berhari2 menyesal and felt guilty if i can replace word 'real' tu dengan perkataan lain, maklumlah english i broken..ahaha..dalam assumption i, disebabkan interview di universiti terulung maka they expect me more, and i ready la nak do PhD in the future..like semua orang pun tahu kalau dalam bidang research & high education, master tu like sebelah kaki je..tapi tu la, like i said, rasa menyesal dan bersalah dan sedikit malu.

      I pun rasa biasa je...cuma malu kot sikit lepas tu sebab disindir dalam job interview.

      Hm..anyway, semua ni cuma sebahagian dari dugaan..

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    2. : i faham. dalam iview kadang entah apa je ayat keluar. hehe. kadang nak jujur sangat pun salah, nak pusing tak reti pulak. hehe. so, yeah. rencah hidup ni macam-macam rasa, ait?

      all the best, b&c!

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  10. Replies
    1. Entah la..Maybe...takpelah saya anggap ini serpih-serpihan hidup..

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    2. Sabar ye.. geram juga sebenarnya

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    3. terima kasih...geram, tapi itulah bukan semua orang faham..biarkan mereka

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  11. Best fren maia preknen ank no 3..im so happy for her since dia pn mmg baik sgt to ttcian.. (ada 4 org ttc kt opis tp maia yg pling senior hahaha)
    Sorg mkcik ni ble tau kwn tu preknen trus announced kuat2..'nnt bby tu kuar bg la maia jaga 2-3 ari, sian da nk 6 thn kwin x merasa pegang bby'
    My fren tu diam sbb x tau nk react cmne just pandang je..bkn dia je..sume pn pandang simpati kt maia..
    Benci btol dgn pandangan2 tu bile pikir2 balik..
    Pandang mcm jap lg org nk mati..

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    1. Tu la...i pun pernah kena macam tu..visiting friend's baby. Kemudian mak dia dan kakak dia suruh i 'curi' pampers or napkin or puting baby tu, konon2 ikut petua lama la tu..i nak je cakap 'eee..ngarutnya...' biar diorang terasa tapi masa tu gelak2 je..

      sabar je la...sabar selagi boleh sabar..forgive yes, forget not..biar Allah yang tunjuk

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