Saturday, 5 October 2013

So what if your friends are mothers and you are not?




Motherhood is priced
Of God, at price no man may dare
To lessen or misunderstand.
~Helen Hunt Jackson


How is your relationship with your friends who are mothers?

More exact is, how is your friendship with your friends who are mothers while you are not?

I stumbled upon with one of the article by Gateway-women on the freindship between mothers and childless, read: Healing the friendship gap between mothers and the childless, by Gateway-women.


Exactly what is in my mind. But I personally don't want to segregate the friends accroding to their status like married, mom or single, or mom of two, three or whatever status. I personally in this view. However, not all of our friends (especially who are mothers) in the same thoughts. They are some sort of feel 'superior' and show the expression of pity to us although we are doing great in our life, just because we are not mothers. The expression of pitiness in unwelcomed and so does the unsolicited advices. The word 'kesian' is too much too handle, let alone the word 'kau jeles dengan aku sebab aku ada anak' uttered from our friends' mouth.

I also encountered the situation when I and some friends arranging our meet up but eventually cancelled it on the eleventh hour due to one of our friend, who is a mother - cannot attend the meet up because her kid was under the weather.

Sometimes I just to meet each other and ask them other things but the story of kids and pitiness to me is dominating the conversation make me uncomfortable. That's okay anyway. That's why I ignored any reunion and socializing too much because of the motherhood superiority stigma is still intact in every conversations. I cannot blame that frankly because the routine of woman with status mother or non-mothers is completely different.And you'll tend to converse what is dominating in your mind and your heart, which sometimes become insensitives to the other people.

I don't know how longer I can hold my breath to this stituation but I promise to myself that if I have kids, I will not let myself consumed by this motherhood superiority.



 

4 comments:

  1. It is our culture in Malaysia. Sikit sgt org yg positif kt Malaysia ni. I setuju tindakan u avoid to have sikap motherhood superiority ni. We can change future culture for the sake of our generation

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    1. true..kita mula dulu let people see how it can change the culture, lambat laun they will notice the difference. But still cannot blame the motherhood superiority stigma because it's like "I can procreate while you can't" thoughts tu dah implanted. Kot la.

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  2. dear..i feel u..mmg kdg2 tu malas nak bersosial..lagi suka bsosial dlm online sbb ppl cannot see our face n emotion n reaction..penah rasa nak nangis dpn my bunch of friends but tahan lagi...

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    1. Exactly! bersosial dalam online - we can control what we wanna type so it does not hurt others, not just put fake smiley or laughing icons to show that we are okay. The rule of thumb is SMILE- it confuses people who wish you to be unhappy.

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