Thursday, 25 July 2013

Semuanya hanya pinjaman

 
 
When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown
 


Assalamualaikum

Rupanya dah 3 months I abandon this blog. Sebab I tak bayar broadband, sibuk sangat dengan benda lain, 3,4 bulan tu jugalah tak online, then eventually lupa bayar broadband dan malas terus nak clearkan dengan network provider. The TTCian yang dah berjaya mengandung, congratulation and Alhamdulillah. Pada yang dah dapat baby(ies), congratulation and Alhamdulillah juga. For me pula, masih tak putus asa mengharapkan miracle from Allah, because I believe in Him as the best planner. For new followers of this humble and 'harsh' blog, thank you but sorry sebab as people said, I always get mad and release my anger here which is not good. That's why a lot motivational posts here to motiovate me and fellow friends in the same shoe, so that tak terbawa2 la perasaan revulsion tersebut.


Dalam kesibukan tersebut, actually I and husband telah menerima beberapa kematian babies dari keluarga dan sahabat terdekat, which is devastating for the parents, tapi kita yang mendengar ni tiba-tiba rasa lebih tenang dengan ujian kecil ini. Husband said to me that maybe Allah jumpakan kita with those things supaya kita lebih bersyukur kita tak perlu menghadapi kematian anak. Masa hadapan kita tak tahu, tapi this small tribulation (being childless) is not actually a hurdle, but a leisure time to be grateful anyway.


Dalam bulan 5 macam tu, mum asked me several times to visit my second cousin yang menjaga anak keduanya di PICU (ICU untuk kanak2) dah lebih 2 bulan. I actually and initially malas sebab I not that close with my second cousin tu (eventhough dulu masa kecik2 pernah main sama2), tapi mum kept insisting me sebab her cousin (mak kepada my second cousin ni) keep updating her with loaded of texting on the child development. And so I and husband went to the hospital and I masuk sorang je sebab the PICU is very stringent on visitors. Itupun I masuk not more that 12 minutes sebab I dont know what to do or what to say to my second cousin tu other than give her the small token from me.
Actually this cousin kahwin sama2 bulan dengan I kahwin, and u can imagine la semua sedara mara comparing me with her yang dah dua anak and her family like berlagak to me la tapi lantak lah. So the child actually having the Prader-Willi Syndrome (sedikit info about Prader Willie Syndrome).


This is first time I tahu pasal this syndrome and it is kinda an eye-opener to me. The baby dah 9 bulan actually, sangat comel putih melepak, but bila tengok the medical machines sekeliling dia, dengan wayar2 berselirat di keliling tubuhnya dan tebukan di dadanya (i tak sanggup tengok and bagus juga sebab mak dia tutup dengan napkin), dan I pandang bayi2 kritikal di sekeliling PICU tersebut, buat I insaf that everything yang kita ada di dunia ini semuanya pinjaman dari Allah. Keluarga yang disayangi, pasangan yang dicintai, anak2 yang dikasihi, rumah yang berdenting, kereta yang berkilat, duit berkepuk2, kesihatan sempurna, harta benda di sekeliling kita - eveything is a loan from Allah.


Bila balik dari hospital, I told mum that I visisted the baby and she sound quite relieved (Hospital tu dengan rumah I dekat, tapi my mum dengan keluarga cousin ni jauh- FYI kot2 pelik napa bukan my mum yang lawat dan sibuk suruh I lawat).Kalau diikutkan, I was very sure yang the baby will healed. My 2nd cousin tu keep saying that she is redha with everything and just want the baby cured slowly if not immediately. She told me about the syndrome and she knew this syndrome earlier because apparently she have an officemate who have the kid with this same syndrome and make it.


So can you imagine my shock when I was informed by mum that the baby is passed away less than 24 hours I visited her? This is a very terrible tragedy that I never expected and when I told husband, he reacted like mine.


Then less than a week, a friend of us suddenly called husband, inviting a kenduri arwah at his hometown, which is located near with our area. The kenduri arwah that he inviting actually adalah kenduri arwah untuk anak dia yang hidup cuma seminggu sahaja. His daughter dilahirkan tanpa usus yang sempurna, and bila the baby minum susu, the baby sangat sakit sebab cannot excrete denga sempurna. Sampailah the wife of our friend ni cakap pada anak dia yang dia redha kalau pemergian anak dia tu mengurangkan penderitaan. And tak lama lepas tu the baby meninggal. Ada buku Yasin dengan catatan - (Nama anak mereka): Dipinjamkan oleh Allah untuk seminggu.

Ya Allah I pulak yang rasa nak menangis. Tiba-tiba dugaan being childless seems so small.


(Oh lepas tu tiba2 banyak pula berita lain tentang anak kritikal dan meninggal yang menyusul)


Semua  hanya pinjaman. Semuanya Dia punya.


P/S : BTW, my SIL dah beranak. Macam I said before, I am officially the only childless dari 7 beradik laki I. And tahun ni raya di hometown dia. 'Cantik' betul kan? Bhahaha.

14 comments:

  1. bnc.. i miss your writings!

    true true. apa yang kita hadapi ni sebenarnya ujian kecil je. tak dapat nak imagine kalau kita dah ada anak and anak kita yang pergi dulu dari kita. mungkin itu ujian untuk dia, being childless adalah ujian untuk kita. masing masing dapat ujian masing-masing senang citer.

    by the way, be strong bebeh! tebalkan telinga tabahkan hati. bulan ramadhan yang barakah ni lets pray hard for better rezeki. mane tau kan..

    good luck!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ye la kan...bak kata orang tua2...bahagian masing2..

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  2. betul, setuju. semuanya pinjaman. i believe He made us TTC for a reason. untuk lebih menghargai, maybe?

    stay strong bnc. insyallah, eventually your time will come.

    i pray for you. amin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ameen..thank you for the dua.
      untuk lebih menghargai.so true

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  3. Salam B&C :-) Lamanya tak online...so happy u r back! Anyway, just this morning, i have kind of the same feeling or rather 'understanding' on being childless. Coz dgr tazkirah pasal anak yg menderhaka, pasal anak yg x kenang jasa ibu bapa. At least for now, we don't have to pikul the amanah as parent. Kurang satu tanggungjawab untuk kita jawab di akhirat kalau ditakdirkan mmg kita childless forever. Allah Knows better, right... Redha... hidup lebih mudah!

    p/s: keep updating tau!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yup Allah knows better..I can't imagine myself as childless forever, tapi kalau itu percaturan Allah, why not kan..?

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  4. hai BnC,
    I always think the same way which semua yang Allah bagi ni pinjam shj. Dia boleh ambil bila2 masa. It scares me bila I terfikirkannya.

    by the way, for the last part, i wish u good luck. All my cousins yang married before and after me dah selamat melahirkan anak. I je kahwin belum beranak lagi. I wish myself gud luck too during this raya. hahaha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yup kadang2 it scares me too..tapi Allah bagi on loans supaya lebih menghargai.

      Atie, break a leg!

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  5. B&C, again i always miss ur post.
    Memang, smua ini adalah pinjaman Allah.
    Sebab tu i slalu takot, takot kalau terlebih riak, nanti apa yang ada akan diambil balik, lebih sakit dari memang takde ape yang memang dah takde..
    I pulak rase insaf mcm tu mase lawat rumah org tua yang sakit tenat, anak2 smua taknak jaga. Smuanya sakit+daif. I stakat takde anak (mase tu) mmg kecik je dugaan.
    Takpe tahun ni mane tahu tahun last, by the time anak u berderet2..anak diorg ada 1-2 je. mase tu diorg mesti diam..hehe...slamat berpuasa ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Lebih sakit dari memang takde apa yang memang dah takde." So true..
      Takleh bayang actually orang yang kehilangan anak but Allah knows best..

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  6. Hi salam perkenalan..best baca blog u..i TTC too =) semua ni ada hikmahnya kan?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hai salam perkenalan..err..blog ni banyak benda ngarut2 dan kasar tau...

      anyway, enjoy the ride of TTC..InsyaAllah FY ada rezeki menimang cahayamata

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  7. Btol tu Jay..
    Sy smakin +ve even nk msuk 6thn ttc..
    Ntah npe terasa ceria semacam rse cm good things(xkirela bby or duit) akn dtg pd kami suami isteri..
    Hihi..hopfuly akn dtg 1 ari yg indah dlm bilik air tgok ad double lines..
    Bestnya!!!ameen Ya Rahman!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ameen ya Allah..I wish you do well in your life..being +ve is one of our strength. we have no choice pun other than being +ve kan..

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