Thursday, 25 July 2013

Semuanya hanya pinjaman

 
 
When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown
 


Assalamualaikum

Rupanya dah 3 months I abandon this blog. Sebab I tak bayar broadband, sibuk sangat dengan benda lain, 3,4 bulan tu jugalah tak online, then eventually lupa bayar broadband dan malas terus nak clearkan dengan network provider. The TTCian yang dah berjaya mengandung, congratulation and Alhamdulillah. Pada yang dah dapat baby(ies), congratulation and Alhamdulillah juga. For me pula, masih tak putus asa mengharapkan miracle from Allah, because I believe in Him as the best planner. For new followers of this humble and 'harsh' blog, thank you but sorry sebab as people said, I always get mad and release my anger here which is not good. That's why a lot motivational posts here to motiovate me and fellow friends in the same shoe, so that tak terbawa2 la perasaan revulsion tersebut.


Dalam kesibukan tersebut, actually I and husband telah menerima beberapa kematian babies dari keluarga dan sahabat terdekat, which is devastating for the parents, tapi kita yang mendengar ni tiba-tiba rasa lebih tenang dengan ujian kecil ini. Husband said to me that maybe Allah jumpakan kita with those things supaya kita lebih bersyukur kita tak perlu menghadapi kematian anak. Masa hadapan kita tak tahu, tapi this small tribulation (being childless) is not actually a hurdle, but a leisure time to be grateful anyway.


Dalam bulan 5 macam tu, mum asked me several times to visit my second cousin yang menjaga anak keduanya di PICU (ICU untuk kanak2) dah lebih 2 bulan. I actually and initially malas sebab I not that close with my second cousin tu (eventhough dulu masa kecik2 pernah main sama2), tapi mum kept insisting me sebab her cousin (mak kepada my second cousin ni) keep updating her with loaded of texting on the child development. And so I and husband went to the hospital and I masuk sorang je sebab the PICU is very stringent on visitors. Itupun I masuk not more that 12 minutes sebab I dont know what to do or what to say to my second cousin tu other than give her the small token from me.
Actually this cousin kahwin sama2 bulan dengan I kahwin, and u can imagine la semua sedara mara comparing me with her yang dah dua anak and her family like berlagak to me la tapi lantak lah. So the child actually having the Prader-Willi Syndrome (sedikit info about Prader Willie Syndrome).


This is first time I tahu pasal this syndrome and it is kinda an eye-opener to me. The baby dah 9 bulan actually, sangat comel putih melepak, but bila tengok the medical machines sekeliling dia, dengan wayar2 berselirat di keliling tubuhnya dan tebukan di dadanya (i tak sanggup tengok and bagus juga sebab mak dia tutup dengan napkin), dan I pandang bayi2 kritikal di sekeliling PICU tersebut, buat I insaf that everything yang kita ada di dunia ini semuanya pinjaman dari Allah. Keluarga yang disayangi, pasangan yang dicintai, anak2 yang dikasihi, rumah yang berdenting, kereta yang berkilat, duit berkepuk2, kesihatan sempurna, harta benda di sekeliling kita - eveything is a loan from Allah.


Bila balik dari hospital, I told mum that I visisted the baby and she sound quite relieved (Hospital tu dengan rumah I dekat, tapi my mum dengan keluarga cousin ni jauh- FYI kot2 pelik napa bukan my mum yang lawat dan sibuk suruh I lawat).Kalau diikutkan, I was very sure yang the baby will healed. My 2nd cousin tu keep saying that she is redha with everything and just want the baby cured slowly if not immediately. She told me about the syndrome and she knew this syndrome earlier because apparently she have an officemate who have the kid with this same syndrome and make it.


So can you imagine my shock when I was informed by mum that the baby is passed away less than 24 hours I visited her? This is a very terrible tragedy that I never expected and when I told husband, he reacted like mine.


Then less than a week, a friend of us suddenly called husband, inviting a kenduri arwah at his hometown, which is located near with our area. The kenduri arwah that he inviting actually adalah kenduri arwah untuk anak dia yang hidup cuma seminggu sahaja. His daughter dilahirkan tanpa usus yang sempurna, and bila the baby minum susu, the baby sangat sakit sebab cannot excrete denga sempurna. Sampailah the wife of our friend ni cakap pada anak dia yang dia redha kalau pemergian anak dia tu mengurangkan penderitaan. And tak lama lepas tu the baby meninggal. Ada buku Yasin dengan catatan - (Nama anak mereka): Dipinjamkan oleh Allah untuk seminggu.

Ya Allah I pulak yang rasa nak menangis. Tiba-tiba dugaan being childless seems so small.


(Oh lepas tu tiba2 banyak pula berita lain tentang anak kritikal dan meninggal yang menyusul)


Semua  hanya pinjaman. Semuanya Dia punya.


P/S : BTW, my SIL dah beranak. Macam I said before, I am officially the only childless dari 7 beradik laki I. And tahun ni raya di hometown dia. 'Cantik' betul kan? Bhahaha.