A single conversation with a wise man is better than ten years of study.
Somehow, I am very grateful to Allah for this road less travelled. Rebirth is never a concept in our religion, but if they do, I don't mind to take this road again. This journey is not easy for me to confront. I can confront with my emotional upheaval and impotency, I can accept that I'm chidless (so far) for three years, I'm happy with my own way -- I swear to God -- but what hurt most is the view from society who sees me as 'unfortunate' and treat me as 'isolated'.
There are a lot of situations when mothers just don't want to be friend or talk with me, just because I'm not a mother. And if they do, they just want to show off their offspring to me, to express indirectly I'm unworthy in the eyes of God, let alone in the eyes of people. This is wholly and definitely not an assumption, the diction choice to start the conversation, the attitude, the faking and sarcastic smile, the egoism gazing eyes -- people can't fake them, the insincerity is not obscure and too clear to comprehend.
Still, I believe I will be a mother, in a one fine day. For now, since I'm unemployed, I don't feel much tense like you (the working woman) do. I feel calm and smooth, and happy frankly. But since I am ready to join the working forces, today is my interview day after 3 months of job hunting. (Golly, susahnya cari kerja zaman sekarang!). I don't know if I will be accepted into the company (pray for me please), but I need my own independent money. To admit, I cannot live my life without my own money. Don't judge me and don't ever 'preach' that I should depend my life to Allah. I already know that. Tell me something I don't know if you want to 'preach' me or to show your disdainful wisdom.
Kudos to the other TTCian who bears and faces all the odious and supercilious colleague and relatives who always teasing and joking nastily on our 'gift', let's pray together to Allah so that they have the awareness to respect us, change their perception, and let Allah 'teach' them in His own way. Or better, pray that Allah will put gap between those odious people and us. Gap and distance so that kira kurang rasa marah and shoo away the negative vibes. Ameen.
The road less travelled is not that bad, anyway. I love every inch of it. I am very grateful Allah shows me 'the other side' of the world. Otherwise, I afraid I will be like 'the odious and supercilious' in the above mentioned. Thank you Allah for this journey. I hope in the end of this road, I found and get my bouncing and cherubic from You. Ameen.