Wednesday, 13 March 2013

Monday, 11 March 2013

I travel in the road less travelled

A single conversation with a wise man is better than ten years of study. 
~Chinese Proverb

Somehow, I am very grateful to Allah for this road less travelled.  Rebirth is never a concept in our religion, but if they do, I don't mind to take this road again. This journey is not easy for me to confront. I can confront with my emotional upheaval and impotency, I can accept that I'm chidless (so far) for three years, I'm happy with my own way -- I swear to God -- but what hurt most is the view from society who sees me as 'unfortunate' and treat me as 'isolated'.

There are a lot of situations when mothers just don't want to be friend or talk with me, just because I'm not a mother. And if they do, they just want to show off their offspring to me, to express indirectly I'm unworthy in the eyes of God, let alone in the eyes of people. This is wholly and definitely not an assumption, the diction choice to start the conversation, the attitude, the faking and sarcastic smile, the egoism gazing eyes -- people can't fake them, the insincerity is not obscure and too clear to comprehend.

Still, I believe I will be a mother, in a one fine day. For now, since I'm unemployed, I don't feel much tense like you (the working woman) do. I feel calm and smooth, and happy frankly. But since I am ready to join the working forces, today is my interview day after 3 months of job hunting. (Golly, susahnya cari kerja zaman sekarang!).  I don't know if I will be accepted into the company (pray for me please), but I need my own independent money. To admit, I cannot live my life without my own money. Don't judge me and don't ever 'preach' that I should depend my life to Allah. I already know that. Tell me something I don't know if you want to 'preach' me or to show your disdainful wisdom.

Kudos to the other TTCian who bears and faces all the odious and supercilious colleague and relatives who always teasing and joking nastily on our 'gift', let's pray together to Allah so that they have the awareness to respect us, change their perception, and let Allah 'teach' them in His own way. Or better, pray that Allah will put gap between those odious people and us. Gap and distance so that kira kurang rasa marah and shoo away the negative vibes. Ameen.

The road less travelled is not that bad, anyway. I love every inch of it. I am very grateful Allah shows me 'the other side' of the world. Otherwise, I afraid I will be like 'the odious and supercilious' in the above mentioned. Thank you Allah for this journey. I hope in the end of this road, I found and get my bouncing and cherubic from You. Ameen.


Thursday, 7 March 2013

(Sometimes) Life is not according to plan -- Redha

There is no telling how many miles you will have to run while chasing a dream.
~Author Unknown
I cannot escape from thinking the latest of Jay's entry (Kalau takde anak, siapa nak doakan kita time kita dah mati?). Dan saya merasa sangat2 lucu dan witty sungguh Jay menjawab pada makcik2 dan wanita2 kurang berfikir (aka kepochi) sebab selama ni kalau orang sound2 I, I akan balik dan marah orang tu bila kat rumah - habis my husband, my mum dan my ayah. Adik2 I tak leh pakai sebab mereka akan buat lawak yang terus padamkan my anger, but in the end mereka akan cakap --
"bukan kau sorang je la kak.."..Dah sampai masanya I menjawab more eloquent and as witty as Jane Austen.
And I cannot agree more with the commentators tentang 3 continuous good deeds after Muslims death.
Kalau tak ada anak, siapa nak doakan kita time kita dah mati? -- Itu soalan yang biasa kita dengar. Tapi anda semua pernah dengar soalan ni tak? -- Kalau tak ada anak, siapa nak mewarisi harta dan aset kau, rumah, kereta, akaun2 ASB, insurance, etc? Nanti tinggal macam tu je..Orang lain ada anak, boleh la nak wariskan rumah atau aset lain pada anak, kau takde anak, tinggallah macam tu je, padahal sepanjang hidup kerja pagi petang siang malam cari harta tapi dah mati tinggal"
Ya Tuhan.
Harta kami bukannya banyak pun. Rakyat marhaen, tak ada aset mana pun. Jika mati tinggallah, boleh salurkan buat amal jariah, wakafkan pada yang lebih berhak, dan lebih senang ikut syariat -- akan diuruskan oleh Baitulmal. Ataupun Amanah Raya (walaupun this org I sceptical sikit.)
Sub-point dalam entri Jay tu, tentang TAK KESAH..itu yang I think we feel right now..REDHA.
Kalau kita redha dengan segala apa yang diberikan olehNya, kenapa orang lain perlu suruh kita jadi TAK REDHA, mesti fight, mesti melawan takdir, barulah hidup sempurna seperti orang lain, barulah dipandang oleh masyarakat, barulah boleh join the club, barulah boleh 'bersuara' tentang breasfeeding/pencapaian kanak2, gitu?
REDHA. Tak ada pun redha, kalau ada lagilah redha dan gembira. Jika bertambah, bertambah2 gembira dan syukur.
Baca. Bak kata si pemuisi, kalau dah si penanggung terima takdirnya, kenapa orang lain sibukkan 'kenapa'..
Life template : Semua mesti sempurna. Tidak. My life is not according to usual life template, yang semuanya serba sempurna. Jika ditanya hati, of courselah mahu yang indah2 belaka. Itu jualah yang didoakan setiap hari. Tapi Tuhan Maha Mengetahui. Yang hamba-hambaNya yang lain pula yang jadi Tuhan. Jangan jadi hakim tak bertauliah, jangan jadi penilai rendah ilmu.Berdosa. Nanti Allah tarik apa yang dimiliki. 
"If a human dies, then his good deeds stop except for three: a Sadaqa Jariah (continuous charity), a beneficial knowledge, or a righteous child who prays for him.” – Sahih Muslim
An article from a barren woman, and use writing and teaching skills as her good deeds . Hope we can benefit from her. InsyaAllah

9th Raya and being childfree.

I changed again the blog theme. I love to play around with the blog theme and blogspot has offered quite a variety of beautiful template...