Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Long hiatus, I'm swamped with work and studies. Talking about work, my contract will be ended in this November. In fact, I finished all my work last week. I think I need a new job, and considering of relocation. I want to leave Borneo and come back to my hometown in Klang Valley. Borneo is not kind to me, I earn money on-contract basis (let say it is company B) and I never get a permanent job here. I used to be recommended by my head department to work permanently , and I did attended the interview but there is a human resource policy here stated that if the position can be fulfilled by locals, with the same/less qualification, the locals will be given priority.
Last year, I worked at government organization (which I found a lot of inconsiderate breeders - biasalah organisasi Melayu - note: generalization, forgive me)(let say it is company A) also based on contract basis and was given another contract to continue the service this year but I turned down the offer, as there is no guarantee that I will be absorped and the contract stated that they can terminate me anytime with 7 days notice. I managed to get another job in the same field but working in very flexible hours and thought of being permanent here (in company B) but my rezeki is not meant to be here. And that's why sometimes I don't mind being childfree because I know that I'm not stable financially, let alone having medical insurance. I have intention that if I can get a secure job (I don't mind if it is a private or public sector), I have some money to save and keep aside for the baby if I'm pregnant. But for now, I am just a penniless housewife and sometimes I'm grateful that I'm childfree. I cannot think or imagine if I have child right now with my unstable financial security. Husband on the other hand, is making money here and I asked permission if we can have long-distance relationship because our situation now is unfair (at least to me). Husband gave permission and he did a drastic move by applying for transfer. We don't know if the application is successful because it is entirely depend on luck and rezeki. I say it is drastic because we planned to live here about 6 to 7 years. But I don't know that it is very hard to me to find a job here despite my expertise is very needed (based on the statistic and industry liason info).Because of my current situation, I'm not doing any treatment nor buy any supplement (except buying the cheap stuff like SK Al-Khishbun).I also have debt with university as studies fees are completely on my shoulder (and husband..hihi) and also debt (in terms of time) with my supervisor, as I see her seldomly, which is not good for the evaluation and my thesis progress. It has been 3 years I live in Borneo and I cannot tolerate with this anymore.
Those are the disadvantages of living in Borneo but there are some wonderful things that I should state here.Since we are far from relatives and friends, we are not bombarded by the inconsiderate questions and nasty remarks consistently.There are questions but we still can manage it. The wedding inivitation? We cannot attend. Tiket flight mahal ma..The kenduris and feast? Cannot attend. Our neighbours are Ibanese and Chinese so we just mind our own business, no hatred and anger. My rented home here is a terrace hence I don't have any complaint over the landlord nor any house defects. People like family and friends not judging our lifestyle and our life because we are very far from them. They even don't know what type of car we used, or what kind of home we live and how much we earned every month or what kind of lauk we eat everyday. No information on that, and besides we don't like parading our life in social network. Some relatives, family and friends said they want to visit us here and I welcomed that but the fact that the flight ticket consumed their wallets diminishing the intention. Only close family did visit us here. In fact, I feel so calm here, so peaceful. But then there is a price to pay. I lose my job. I used to have a well paid job but I quitted so that I can follow my husband, and now I'm regret.I have to go back to re-establish my career. I want to save as much as possible for retirement. I don't know if I will have a child or not but I don't want to be chased out from my own home. It's not that I can't depend on husband, but I have my own dreams and wishes. I cannot burden everything solely to husband, he doing his best and am so grateful to have husband like him.
|Credit to: US Daily Review|
I don't mean to complain or rant about my life, only there is in need of change. And the first move is seeking new employment. I had applying job at countless departments for last 6 months and I never got a call for interview. Maybe the marital status and age playing the key factors. For qualification, I believe I have a quite impressive resume (not meant to boast ma..), but the limited industrial experience (I only involve in education field- mostly in IPTS) and short time of employment (less than 2 years each) at every workplace become an impediment for employer to hire me.
Update on my period:
Hehe benda dalam seluar pun nak cerita, but I'm quite concern with my cycle. This month is the third time my aunt flow not coming punctually. I had a textbook cycle like 28 or 30 days, but in the third year of marriage, my cycle ditch the textbook cycle.
August - 1st
September - 8th
October - 13th
I asked husband if he loves with my new long cycle- "Boleh kita romen lama sikit" I said to him, but he in contrast worry on my condition because menstruation can be a detector of other abnormality. I'll wait for next month if the the cycle is not back to normal, I will see Dr.Lee.
I relate my menstruation cycle with stress. It is true that I'm stress about my career, my study and job. Did you remember about my salivary gland block that in need of operation last year? (link,link, link) Actually the last Raya Haji the lump is gone. And my jaw and neck come back to normal V shape. But last Raya Aidilfitri, I saw that my jaw come back to U shape, like a double chin. I asked husband about this and we agreed to delay the treatment until next year.
Again, I relate this abnormality with stress. Last year, it appear because I was stress with co-workers (in company A) who always made remarks and asking stupid question on my fertility. It gone after I turned down the offer to continue the contract. But this time, I agitate on my career and studies.
What I'm doing right now is try to de-stress, and that include believe in rezeki, being grateful person, and try hard to focus on thesis so that I can forget other things.
Will write more later.