Monday, 24 September 2012

An Attempt : I Failed

Hello Monday !


I have times to blogwalk and I read this post from Eyza on SK Al-Khishbun. I bought this product in last Ramadan and kept it in my storage without trying it!


I bought it from Ina Haireina blog and it arrived a week before Raya which I'm in the menstruation. So kept it and promised to myself - I'm gonna try this after Raya. However a week after Raya, I got my menstruation back. The 10-days menstruation surely would made I forgot everything including my ovulation days and of course this product. It popped in my mind after I read Eyza's post.


Last night, I poured the warm water for two and mixed it with the SK Al-Khishbun. My husband tried it first and I saw he was not comfortable with this product. I saw he had to stop a minute before he can finished the whole glass by pinching his nose. My husband, as I knew him, can drink and eat everything. Bak kata orang Melayu, tolak batu kayu sahaja. He told me that he's not used to this taste and swallowed the liquid for second sip without even tasted it. I asked husband how it is taste? Husband jokes, "Kalau bukan pahit, bukanlah ubat namanya.." (mocking Hamid Gurkha the comedian in advertisement, with exact tone and ryhthm!)


I 'm almost cried. Because I'm a reverse of my husband, I am bit choosy about food and drink, I never tried to taste the cultural food, I even don't care if my friends offended when I refused to try when they offered me a Javanese food -Burasak, I threw the out the sireh when my mum asked to swallow the sireh with the supertition belief to expedite my jodoh (as if), and I separated the unfavourite veggies in my fried meehoon at the very corner of the plate, religiously..

 
My husband asked me to drink it, but I just too scared. I sipped it thrice while watching TVand it doesn't taste horrible. But I cannot bear the taste actually, the odour in my mouth is just too hard too smell. I cannot finished my drink and kept it in refrigerator.






My honest evaluation after first try:
1) This product is not taste horrible. I may exaggerating here but it is better than rempah kayu/chinese herbs/manjakani/whatever jamu. It is drink-able. It just not suit with me,  I don't like milk and only buy milk for my cereal for breakfast.

2) We both belched (sendawa) 2,3 times right after we drink this.

3) The odour after the belch and after drink - I cannot tolerate it. The odour is too strong. But still, this product is far better than other herbs or traditional spices for fertility purpose. It just me and husband are too spoilt. Haha..

4) Errr..I'm thinking to ditch this product (or re-sell it). For the current, I only stick to buah zuriat, ditch fast food, diet, wearing corset, and husband asked me to download some dancing video like Oppa Gangnam Style and Om Shanti Om dance so that we can dance and sweating together every weekend. For me, I love cha cha dance.

Again, this is only my opinion. It may different from you. I'm not trying to demotivate others who intend to buy this product, because there are a lot of people out there are successfully pregnant with this product (with Allah's consent and permittance). It just I'm not suit with it. Maybe in the future I'll try it again and it taste ok-- I don't know.



It's not too late to congratulate the other bloggers for their success: Jay, Reen, NiaZara, and Neena. All of you - Alhamdulillah and Congratulation. All of you made me realized that there is nothing impossible in this world. We can control our life, and it depends on our choice. People can say everything and judge mindlessly but our life is not depend on them. All of you also taught that the patience, putting numerous effort, tawakal, redha are very important to live our life. Our life are so different but we want to achieve something in this world with our own standard.
 

Monday, 10 September 2012

Cerita pasal raya dan lain-lain walaupun dah nak habis raya tak peduli nak tulis juga



Nota awalan:
Tak baca pun tak apa sebab luahan hati penulis semata-mata, lebih-lebih lagi emosi penulis tak menentu sebab tengah period pain tapi nak jugak mengadap blog. Jadi mungkin menyentuh sensitiviti dan diasgreement walaupun itu bukan kehendak penulis. Patutnya benda-benda di bawah ni tak payah tulis dalam blog pun tak apa, tapi nak buat macamana blog ni dah jadi my solitude.. Sekian.


Perkembangan diri dan usaha-usaha terkini:

1) Last week I pergi berurut. Dah 2 tahun tak berurut, so kali ni I pergi juga dengan makcik urut yang sama. Puncanya sebab badan rasa letih, bisa-bisa dan kalau buat kerja lebih sikit letih yang teramat sangat, contohnya masak 2 jenis lauk je, tapi tidur sampai 6 jam. Masa berurut tu, makcik berurut sendawa angin tak berhenti-henti, dah macam bunyi muntah. Agaknya kalau angin yang dia sendawa tu betul-betul jadi muntah, Badang si pemakan muntah mesti gembira. Tapi I la yang malu sebab makcik tu baru sentuh dahi I dengan jari telunjuk dia, dia dah sendawa. Tapi dia tak kata apa-apa la. Cuma dia buat urutan 'sengkak rahim' tu..sakit. tapi makcik tu suruh I lembutkan badan.


2) My last period datang lewat kan, dalam 5 hari lewat macam tu. Kali ni, dia lewat 12 hari. Lewat sangat-sangat sampai sempat juga lah ganti puasa selama 4 hari, tapi tak cukup lagi 2 hari nak jadikan puasa 6. I think my cycle dah jadi panjang. I tak tahu apa beza pemakanan I terhadap my period. Masa anak dara dulu cantik-cantik 28 days, kemudian dah kawin tahun 1 dan tahun 2 dia jadi 30 days, then masa nak masuk tahun ketiga dia jadi 32 days, last month jadi 34 days. Lewat 12 hari tu I langsung tak ada perasaan, confirm tak mengandung, I beli UPT yang murah gila tu 2 batang pun negatif so bila dia dah datang tu leganya rasa.. Murah sangat UPT tu yang tahap nak tunggu result betul pun take about setengah jam.


3) My weight - masa anak dara maintain 45kg, masa nak kawin gembira sangat jadi 49kg , and sekarang almost 3 years kawin lebih2 lagi masa raya haritu berat badan I mencecah 58kg. Sedih tak usah cakap. I tak berapa kisah dengan berat badan sebab I tinggi and most people compliments me kata I glowing and radiant sebab my pipi jadi tembam and I not look like a walking skeleton. Cuma my problem here is my muffin top. Perut memboyak. Seolah2 semua lemak yang I makan tertumpu di situ. My fault juga la sebab bila I pindah Borneo I tak lalu nak makan makanan mereka so I asyik cari baking foods, masa 1st year kawin, tiap-tiap hari I minta pada husband a slice of cake from Secret Recipe as minum petang.Bila tersedar this muffin top ni expanding, I stop la. Masa awal puasa haritu my perut kempis, and my husband and I punyalah happy. Tengah2 puasa datang bulan so I makan sepuas2nya, baking cake and tried new recipes  and the habit tu continued walaupun dah stop period. Buka puasa I makan 2 juadah instead of 1, belum masuk sahur.Hasilnya, bila Raya semua kata I gemuk macam orang pregnant.



Cerita Raya pulak:

1) Masa balik rumah family, of course la semua kata I gemuk. My mum lagi lah, langsung tak ada perkataan baik yang diucapkan kepada anak perempuan dia ni. Senang cerita I and my mum not in a good terms sejak kecil lagi, orang lain ucap Happy Mothers Day to their mothers, I texting her je buat berbudi bahasa. Malam baru sampai, pagi tu I ingat nak mengadu la hal I, dia terus sembur kata badan I naik sebab I hidup bermewah2, tak macam my cousins dan anak2 kawan2 dia yang slim hidup berjimat cermat sebab beranak pinak dan kumpul aset, tak la buang duit melancong sana sini macam kami.So, I think tak payah la mengadu apa-apa. Dengar aje lah dia membebel.. Takut jadi anak derhaka pulak.

Masa nak sembahyang Raya, dia macam nak suruh I pergi ke tempat biasa dia sembahyang, tapi I and husband dah lambat, so kami ikut adik pergi solat tempat lain (situ banyak masjid berdekatan). Mum macam geram sebab I tak ikut dia. Alahai...sebenarnya I nak mengelak dari jumpa kawan2 dia yang mulutnya berpuaka. Sindiran mereka lebih tajam.

One of them pernah tanya my mum, "Kenapa B&C tu tak mengandung, kan duduk berasing (duduk menyewa sendiri) tak la malu nak buat, lainlah macam anak aku duduk sama (anak dia & husband duduk sama dengan parents), malu nak buat.."
My mum balas la, "ooh..aku dengan laki aku tidur sekatil dapat 3 ekor je (my siblings 3 orang je), lainlah macam kau tidur asing2 dengan laki kau keluar 7 (makcik tu tidur asing dengan suami dia)..lagipun takkanlah anak kau nak cerita berapa kali dia buat dengan laki dia dengan kau.."
Malu gila makcik tu sebab dia tanya kuat2 satu surau boleh dengar, my mum pun jawab kuat2 jugak..And my jiran tu pun sokong my mum sebab dia ada 2 orang anak je..Malu gila makcik tu. Haha padan muka dia.

Actually anak makcik tu used to be my friends masa primary school. Dia kawin lebih kurang je dengan I, and sekarang dah masuk 2 pun anak dia..Masa anak dia baru lahir, kalau ikutkan hati I, nak je I pay a visit to her and cakap dengan makcik tu, "oo..inilah hasil yang malu-malu tu ya...?"..Tapi itu tinggal imaginasi je la..haha


Masa raya, I memang berhajat nak fight my own fear dengan pergi rumah sedara mara dan balik kampung. So petang tu balik kampung, Alhamdulillah my family pakcik makcik semuanya tak ada pun yang tanya dan bising pasal I tak mengandung.Yang bising my mum. Sampai pakcik I (dia pernah tunggu 13 tahun utk dapat 2nd child) cakap suruh sabar. Yang pakcik lagi sorang (menantu dia pun dah almost 5,6 years belum punya anak) dia diam je and tak layan pun my mum bising. Ada lagi sorang makcik (yang langsung tak beranak) dia pun just suruh berusaha je. Orang lain cool je, my mum yang bising2.

Even when we arrived rumah sedara mara, they welcomed us dan made remarks like kami ni newly weds, but my mum pulak betulkan, "dah lama dah kawinnya ni, beranaknya tidak.."..Aduhai..spoil mood betul la..


Then, kami pergi satu rumah keluarga besar. Then, ada budak baru 8 bulan sangat2 la comel dan menarik hati dan tak kisah dipegang2 orang pula tu. Then, my mum ni suruh I pegang budak tu ambil berkat, cakap kuat2 pulak tu. Then I cakap,"Tak nak la, sebab kalau saya pegang budak mesti budak tu nangis.."..Then, my mum ambil budak tu dan letak atas riba I then I pegang budak tu, and cakap "Eh, baguslah budak ni, tak nangis, selalunya kan semua budak tak suka saya.."..My mum cakap "ha..tak lama lagi ada la tu.."..dalam beberapa saat je I pegang budak tu, then I pass pada husband. Husband geleng kepala tak nak pegang..I pass balik pada mum ..Mum mengumam cakap, "la...dia bagi balik kat kita pulak.."..But, family tuan rumah tu cakap "tak pe la, relax la dulu, honeymoon lama-lama sikit.."..

Leganya that family tu cakap macam tu.

My mum is definitely a wet blanket.


2) Salah satu punca I tak mahu pergi masjid yang my mum pergi and I pergi masjid ikut adik I adalah kerana I tak nak jumpa my closest friend yang baru kahwin and baru pregnant. I thought she is my best friend. Sampai lah pada hari I bertunang dia refused to attend my engagement although we live in one neigbourhood area. Alasan-malas.Padahal I ada texting her to come to my engagement ceremony. Tapi I tak dapat tangkap lagi, I thought she had something else to do. Lagipun bertunang je pun, I pun tak kisah my friends tak datang sebab I berpendapat, tunang should be in discreet, and nikah should be announced. Then, malam hari yang I nak kawin, dia datang but with stories. She kept commenting on the ceremony like - baju anti ni baju pinjam ke? pasu sebelah pelamin tu pinjam sapa punya? anti dengan suami anti tu sekufu ke?. She also asked me like "Ana dengar bakal suami anti nak putuskan pertunangan.Betul ke?" "Ana dengar this wedding ni almost tak jadi,sebab tu masa bertunang family belah sana datang lambat. Betul ke?" and many many more.(Ana anti sebab dia ni berpurdah).  It hurts because I never heard such things and I even asked mum and husband if they hide anything to me. Mom so furious and husband asked me to ignore her. I replied to her askings, "I heard so many things about your family. I heard that your brother in law marry your sister because of money and they got married with zero dowry, I heard that your father want to marry another one, and I heard that your business is shut down because you have no clients. But I never trust people and never asking that question to you because I know it never be true. But you do this to me?". She, as a drama queen using tears to blame me for being insensitive. I talked to her on my wedding night to found out that she cannot take the fact that dia anak orang kaya tapi she can't have it all. She admitted she want to marry but never found the one. I know every make up stories she created about me but I just ignored because I know her since I was in primary school. Actually I should know from the beginning of our friendship, I saw it so many time, I heard and I know but I brushed it off. She is anak orang kaya and can have everything and I'm just anak orang biasa and should not exceed her. Like that. The day I marry husband, I decided she is no longer my best friend, she is just a friend.

Eventually she was married with an ustaz on April and get pregnant on June. She called me on Raya and macam ni la lebih kurang the conversation,
"Hai, tahniah. Bila bersalin?"
"Eh, mana tahu ni?"
"La, kau kan anak *****, satu taman ni dah tahu.."
"Oh ye ke..hehehe..InsyaAllah bulan 3 next year..emm..tadi mak anti pegang2 perut ana.."
"Dia memang macam tu.."
"Anti apa khabar? Macamana dengan body?" (Time ni I dah fikir lain, dia memang nak tanya I)
"Macamana dengan body? Erm..gemuklah..banyak makan.." (Buat-buat tak tahu)
"hik hik hik..arrr..macamana dengan kesihatan?
"Kesihatan ok je..Alhamdulillah.."
"Err...err..macammana dengan antibodi? (Ni dah macam soalan bodoh I rasa)
"Hah..antibodi? Antibodi apanya.." (I dah mula rasa annoyed)
"Ala...err..er..anti dah berbadan dua ke..?" (Dang!)
"Eh belum..aku muda lagi..lainlah kau.."
"Eh kan kita sebaya"
"Yelah, tapi kau kan dah nak jadi mak..so nampak lah aku lagi muda dari kau..(gelak tak ikhlas)..Hm..tengoklah dulu camana..hidup di perantauan lain sikit.."
"Ooh...anti tak mahu lagi ke? Masih dalam kontrak lagi ya?"
"Ha'ah..dua-dua kontrak.."
Bla bla bla bla bla..

Letak..

I rasa annoyed dengan soalan bodoh dia yang tanya body la, antobodi la..Serious soalan bodoh. Rasa best gila dapat baby sampai rasa di puncak dunia agaknya. I dulu pun tak tergamak nak tanya bila dia nak kawin masa dia anak dara dulu..

Lantak, malas nak layan.



3) Masa I sampai rumah mertua, masa tu dah malam.Kami duduk-duduk minum teh, then ada orang datang. So I salam je everyone of them. Masa nak balik tu, the makcik tanya "dah ada baby?". I dengan suara serius tanpa senyum cakap, "Tak ada". Then makcik tu segan sendiri kot dia toleh pada my MIL and cakap, "saya ni kalau orang baru-baru kawin saya suka tanya pasal baby je..ehehehe..". Yang MIL pula diam je tak kata apa.. Seriously I tak kenal makcik tu, and dia just kawan pada my MIL je..masa mereka dah balik, my family in law ni cerita-cerita pasal anak perempuan makcik tu yang lawa orangnya dan bekerjaya pula umur 32 tapi masih belum kawin..La..sibuk tanya pasal anak orang..I pulak tak tergamak nak tanya orang tu dah kawin belum atau dah ada anak belum. Tak tergamak. Lagipun mereka I tak kenal sangat, kawan MIL, even sedara mara belah husband pun masih berlapik bila mereka tengok kami berdua, soalan paling cepuemas pun adalah, "kamu berdua dah berapa lama berkahwin..?". Itu je la soalan paling cepuemas je pun..tapi kita faham sendiri la..tapi tak apalah.. actually tak kecik hati sangat la soalan makcik tadi..soalan dia masih dikira light-light gitu..and I jawab pun serious maybe dia terkedu sendiri sebab dia tanya dalam gelak-gelak and sebab tu bagi pencerahan pada my MIL, and turn out my MIL tak bagi respond pun..haha..

Actually, ada orang tegur I tentang jawapan "Takde". Bila orang tanya, I dengan seriousnya jawap dengan lajunya "Tak ada!"..orang tu tegur patutnya jawab lah "Belum lagi" atau "Belum ada rezeki"..sebab kalau jawap tak ada, nanti sungguh betul-betul tak ada. I cuma jawab dengan seriousnya juga "Ok!"...Hormat punya pasal kan, ayah kawan I.Masa tu kawan I kawin, so dia tunjuk perut I (masa tu kempis lagi) tanya I dah ada ke belum. Masa tu nak je I doakan yang kawan I tu lewat macam I tapi tak baiklah sebab itu my friend. And I let go je la. Kawan I tu pula bunting pelamin pun, and sekarang dia dah tak mahu berkawan dengan kami yang belum ada anak dan belum kahwin.. Dia kawan dengan mommies je yang macam dia. Tak pelah.


4) Di rumah mertua juga, rupa-rupanya my sister in law (kawin after a year lepas kami, but dia tua dua tahun dari kami) dalam fertility treatment. Ada satu masa kecoh sekejap dia mengandung sebab dia lewat period, rupanya false alarm. Dia ambil Chlomid I tak tahu berapa cycle. Dia ada beli stok air soya but my husband habiskan, so my husband ganti balik. My SIL minum air soya macam she believe the oldwives tales about soy can boost fertility, then my husband asked her,"Pregnant kah?" She replied, "Tak lah.."..So husband asked her again, "Abis, awat hang minum macam mengidam ja..?" Dia jawab, "ala..hang mana tau lah..".. I just kept quiet and read newspaper. And my SIL sat next to the despicable biras, rupa2nya they talked about the fertility treatment. I was eavesdropping and I quickly went to bed sebab takut nanti the despicable biras tu tanya I pula. Haha..Dah la biras tu setiap kali I balik dia suka tanya pasal berat badan. I bagi jawapan tipu  macamana pun mesti dia kurangkan 2 kilo berat badan dia dari berat badan I.Eee..semaklah! Macam lah I tak tahu dia pemalas masak. Walaupun dia housewife, tapi makanan pun beli. Kami datang rumah dia banyak kali kami yang bawak makanan (eh, termengungkit pulak! kah kah kah). Lagipun haritu my BIL tanya adik dia (my SIL yg pregnant jugak), "dah habis mabuk ni masak tak?". So my SIL ni cakap, "masak"..Then my BIL cakap sambil tunjuk this biras, "dia malas masak."...kami gelak tapi this detestable biras ni mungkin malu terus asking me about my weight depan2 orang. Semak! (Takpe, ini adalah pemangkin semangat untuk I kuruskan semula badan).


Actually, family husband are waiting for three bundle of joys. Semuanya pregnant. Tahun lepas macam tu juga, then tahun ni masing2 pregnant, and by the end of this year kami kena fikir hadiah yang berasingan untuk 3 babies yang selang 1,2 bulan je masing2..



5) We went back to my parents home, and paternal family pula yang sampai. My aunties semuanya. All of my paternal family actually beraya di rumah aunty no.2 sebab my cousin (sebaya, and dia kawin a year after me) bersalin. Except my parents, I asked them to wait, means kalau nak pergi sana pun tunggu lepas I dah balik..hm..actually I can't imagine la how to deal with the newborn from closest family. And as expected, all of them cakap I gemuk sangat. Sungguh this fatness is my fault, bukan external factors or whatever reason. Before cuti raya nak habis, all of them except the second aunty and her family datang rumah parents I. The youngest aunty actually pregnant!

Kisahnya begini, all my aunties (except anuty no.2) plus my grandma went to Mecca for Umrah. Balik dari Mecca, the youngest aunty kept taking MCs, having stomach ache and  unwell. She also gaining her weight and tought that she had food poisoning,so  she and her husband went to see doctor. The doctor on the other hand break the news that she actually have a baby, and the baby is 3.5 months! They actually and initially decided to live childfree! My aunty told me that she prayed for a rizq to Allah in Mecca which she imagine in terms of wealth and prosperity but never thought that Allah give her another kind of rizq. It is quite a shock to them and the whole family teasing them and they become a family jokes, considered that they are getting old and dah beruban pun masing2!

Kuasa Tuhan.


6) One of the family datang. Masa nak balik bersalam-salaman tu, makcik (sepupu ayah) boleh pulak tanya, "Tak ada lagi ke..?" Again, I practise my seriousness cakap "Tak ada". "Ni badan dah naik ni.." "Sebab banyak makan."..Then dia boleh sambung, "anak sedara makcik kawin sama dengan kau dah dua anak dia.." Tapi I tak layan sangat sebab masa tu dan-dan pulak menantu dia cakap dengan I sambil tengok perut I, "Tak pelah, sabar la ya.."..Cakaplah I ni ego ke eksyen ke apa ke, frankly I tak suka orang bagi remarks, "Sabar ya.", atau "Kesian.." sebab it implies macam I ni ada terminally ill disease je..It's like I'm having incurable disease, yang tunggu saat akhir kehidupan, and people come and go ziarah cakap "Sabar ya," and "Kesian.."......Alah, I belum ada anak je, bukan terlantar atas katil berak pakai pampers kena ada orang jaga..At least, I tak la macam anak-anak makcik tu, setiap kali datang, penuh la tandas dan bilik air kami dengan pampers anak-anak mereka siap dengan taik aneka warna..Dah kenyang makan rumah orang tinggalkan taik anak kat bilik air dan toilet..Ceh, macam tak ikhlas pulak masakkan makanan ya..kih kih..don't get me wrong ya..Frankly tak suka dibeza-bezakan dengan orang. Cuba kalau I cakap, "makcik, makcik kenapa duduk rumah tak cantik dan pakai baju buruk, makcik saya yang lain tu boleh je duduk rumah banglo dan pakai baju kurung dari Euro Moda?"...ha..apa makcik - makcik mulut puaka nak kata, mesti mereka akan cakap, "la...rezeki masing-masing la.."....Tau tak apa. Ah, daku kuat berimaginasi je..Tapi bila waktu kejadian, hati masih belum sampai untuk melukakan hati orang dan I pun tak reti melaser2 orang..

Actually nak bangga juga la dengan pencapaian Raya ketiga sebagai husband and wife ni sebab I pergi semua rumah sedara mara dan jiran-jiran seperti yang dijadualkan oleh my mum tanpa bantahan..pencapaian besar tu, kalau tak sure I bagi alasan tak nak pergi.



7) Err..pencapaian tak hebat sangat sebab tadi I turn down 1 invitation open house. I baru 2nd day period so the pain still intact and I make that excuse to ask my husband to go to the open house alone. Tak ape lah, sebab dia macam happy je boleh borak lama2 kat rumah kawan dia, kalau dia bawak I, sure I paksa dia balik tak moh lama-lama kat rumah kawan2 dia..ada certain kawan-kawan dia pun agak mulut puaka juga..tapi mungkin sebab i ni berpewatakan sombong and serious, mereka tak berani tanya / buat joke depan-depan I, selalunya husband yang sampaikan..tu pun tak semua sebab my husband macam berhati-hati juga lah, maybe sebab takut mood I rosak..haha..



Lega gila I menulis kat sini. Cuma I tak tahu if I have children in the future and they read this, what is their impression towards me? And is my credibility and their respect to me affected by their impression? Entah, persoalan itu lebih baik kubiarkan sahaja buat masa ini.



Infertiliy affect everything kan?


Diuji Allah sedemikian rupa.





{sigh}




Allah, You know everything and We depend on You.




Jadikan lah kami hambaMu yang bersyukur.