Sunday, 27 May 2012

Day 30

Maybe you don't like your job, maybe you didn't get enough sleep, well nobody likes their job, nobody got enough sleep. Maybe you just had the worst day of your life, but you know, there's no escape, there's no excuse, so just suck up and be nice. ~Ani Difranco

Day 30:
After a month of infertility talk, we need a distraction. Give us a link to one of your favorite non-infertility-sites, or tell us about your favorite distraction activity/book/feel-good movie.

Warning: If you have a broad-minded, accepting new ideas and facts, and unprejudiced, you can continue to read this post. Otherwise, kindly please click X to avoid any dispute.

So if you want to know how broad your mind is, you can try this quiz (it is little blasphemous I know)


Seriously, if you ask me what I feel doing this challenge, or will I recommend it to you to do it consistently for freaking 30 days, I will say "Please Don't".. However, if you want to skip between challenges, or skip days let say one challenge per week, or your blog is dusty and you want to sweep away the dust by updating something to your  loyal readers, you are welcome to do the challenge.

I confess I wrote this challenge for only 3,4 days. Means, I write the challenges for several post and thanks to auto-publish. Still, it made me suffocating reading my own blog. Seriously, reading back this all challenges, I thought, "Hey, this lady have no life kah keep writing about the infertility journey?" Please dont get me wrong I'm not saying that TTCian update their blogs daily have no life, but I believe the daily TTC blogger not updating about infertility for a month! I never see that TTC blogger talking about infertility for 30 days. Yes we did update and talking about our journey but it's like daily journal or online diary, for the sake of sharing and record, but writing about infertility all the time can make me suffocating. It is part of my life, but I don't want to exaggerate the situation. We always pour our vent and that is normal in our journey. I think and I believe we found solace by writing what inside our heart and our mind in this online diary so...eeerrrmm..ok, i'm running out of words.

After 30 days talking about infertility, we need a distraction that is not related with infertility. Now, I want to talk about Living Childfree.

Living Childfree vs Family Planning
I know that Malaysian are not receiving well the idea of Living Childfree, mostly influenced by religion factor that we Moslem are supposed to procreate and generating the Khairu Ummah.  I digress a little bit, however, some of us are in family planning. Ok, let me explain in brief about family planning before i'm going to talk about Living Childfree. The students of mine asking about family planning, is it allowed in Islam, provided that the marriage is between two Moslem students who are get married to avoid adultery or fornication. They reveived the idea of getting married or nikah Khitbah however did not ready to have a commitment as a parent since both husband and wife is still studying. I used to ask my lecturer about family planning, and he replied, merancang keluarga is haram (forbidden) tetapi menyusun keluarga is harus. Means, the family planning should not only for the sake of enjoying but there are other conditions that permit the family planning and several factors -- studying, LDR, financial constraint, temporary illness that need some medications or surgeries and many more. It is also actually a sin if Moslem didn't believe in family planning because if a man let say only make RM700 as his salary and rejecting family planning, he bestowed with let say 10 children. Usually, in that case, the welfare and the childhood of the chidlren are not preserved so it is a sin for a father for 'stealing' the childhood rights, as the childhood rights is compulsory for every children.

Family planning and living childree on the other hand, have same issue and methodology but with different understanding.

I read about living childfree months ago, and from my initial understanding, they couple who opt for living childfree are entirely rejecting the idea of having kids. Please be patient if you start making judgment.

Living Childfree
However, I read more and more, actually living childfree are divided into two categories. The Living Childfree by Choice and Living Childfree Not By Choice. Living Childfree by Choice is a decision by couple where they are planning and deciding on living childfree without any external factors. Living Childfree Not By Choice in contrast, is when the couple decide to live childfree after battling with  infertility, loss or (not having chance of adoption).

There are two different terms, Childfree and Childless. From my writing, I always use both because both explain what I am now. The term Childless is not well-received by people because it make the women feel that they lack of something. They prefer the word Childfree instead of Childless. If you want to know the real definition, please do extensive research and not depending on one or two sources only.

There are a lot of Childfree blogs by international author and I was actually inspired by their spirit. To compare Childfree by Choice and Childfree Not By Choice, the Childfree By Choice are actually been castigated for being selfish. Chidlfree Not By Choice on the other hand, has inviting sympathy by society. Both of the groups are well communicated although they have different journey, but they are intertwined with one issue, living childfree.

I read numbers of Childfree blogs. Some childfree couple are so harsh in maintaining and defending their view, some are trying to get understanding from society, some are creating bulwark by isolating themselves from society, and some are just soft and asking for respect for their decision. They also agree that we are living in baby-craze world, where parents are always brag about their child. See, the braggart parents not only exist in our community but also exist around the world (link 1, link 2) .

Childfree in Malaysia
How about Childfree in Malaysia? Frankly, I never came across any blog who openly admit they are living childfree except this blog.(I can't traced whether she is a Malaysian or foreigner living in Malaysia).  And she was interviewed by a radio channel about living childfree (click here) . I also used to found a web that arrange the meeting between couples who are living chidlfree in Malaysia (the venue is around KL and Johor Bahru) but never found the exact date. Or maybe they make it underground. Or maybe Malaysian still a typical community. I have no idea.

Living Childfree and us (me and my husband).
Please do not make judgment just because I put Childfree blog links in my sidebar. I'm neither accept nor reject of the idea Living Childfree. I just admired their spirit and excitement to live life to the fullest. If you read over and over, actually our journey and their journey is somewhat similar; pressure from parents, inconsiderate breeders, braggart parents, frowning and sneering by breeders, stupid dumb-arse questions, and many more. If we were mocked with our inability to procreate, they were accused for being 'selfish'. They have very hard time to defend their stand- they don't want children, we also facing the same thing when we try to make people understand this - belum rezeki. 

So, what are we?
Husband said, we are Living Childfree By Choice. But in our case, choice by Allah. Allah choose us to live childfree (that we don't know for how many years) and Allah choose us to live chidlfree because He has another best plan for us. We are asking for the good thing, Allah give others with the better and we cry, and - actually and eventually Allah give us the best thing. Imagine that we will have twin! Or our child is a future famous public figure! Imagine.. :-) :-)

DINK life
When people asked WHEN we will have children, my husband always replied "We are in a DINK life!.". Usually people always blurred and haywired. Haha..padan muka

DINK is Dual Income No Kids. This organization is Childfree by Choice basis but they actually promoting more on lifestyle. No, I'm not promoting the idea, I just support their guidance and tips for living for two. We simply cannot equate ourselves with parents, but we should synchronize our life according to the current neccessity which is the real life, not according to our perennial longing and mourning. There are many categories for example,- lifestyle, home, pet (in our culture ramai suka bela kucing), love and sex, health, property, travel, food, and so on. The stories inspired me, and one more thing, they not defend harshly their view, rather they asking for understanding. I was attracted to the idea of living freely and enjoy every single moment in life as life is not only revolve around kids. This kind of webs and blogs actually a real distraction for me (and also to rub's off the face of inconsiderate breeders! Sorry, I've warned you).  

Actually, there are many issues regarding this topic but I afraid it will stir contoversy, so I better stop here. So, this is my distraction..

P/S: I chatted with my friend who is TTC for 4 years. We exchanged our stories and at the end, I want to cheer her up, so I send her this link: The Top 100 Reason of Not Having Kids. I don't know her reaction because she never commented on it. Again, I'm not opposed the idea of having kids. For me, as I said before, it is Allah's plan and I accept my fate.


  1. wow, this is nice. its like reading a journal paper. thanks for the links. i'm reading them now. we (my husband and i) are also trying our best to live life with just us two.. thanks again..:)

    1.'s not we are pasrah or giving up of being childfree..We have to move on.

  2. i havent finished reading!i got lots of work today but i want to comment on this --> Imagine that we will have twin! Or our child is a future famous public figure! Imagine.. :-)

    i always say that to myself, sometimes to 'others' who offended me with Kenapa lambat dapat anak!?
    i told them "Takpe lah dia keluar lambat skit sebab dah besar nanti dia jadi doctor. dari setengah org anak keluar awal2 rapat2 tapi dah besar takjadi ape"
    but of course tak semua orang. just saying that to people yang offended me. no offence to yang dpt anak awal! :P

    1. I pray I have your courage like you..

      Allah pun dah cakap, Allah hold the better because He want to give the best..So, InsyaAllah our future children will become the great contributor to our religion and nation.


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