I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. - George Bernard Shaw
Discuss how you found your way into the ALI community, and what being part of it has meant to you – good and bad.(ALI = adoption/loss/infertility)
I found my way into the ALI community through Lady Mira's blog, Rebelling Mind. I read the whole posts of her blog and crying all the night thinking on her journey. I'm not only thinking about how she went through all of the hardships and hurdles , but I also weeping on what I'll be doing if I were in her shoes (and here I am). Initially, I'm not so depressed of making babies, as my husband and my close family didn't emphasized too much (except my mother, which I'll tell you later) on having child as life plan. But, blame the working forces and surrounding -- I was surrounded by preggy mommies and facing the Budak semut Bodoh that made me feel so vulnerable. I searched online under keyword infertility which led me to thousands of other infertile couple and their journey in this world. The search led me to Lady Mira's blog and I know I can't write like her. She rendered her journey in her blog in a soothing way, compared to me - I'm writing in shoddy, and sometimes in vain, just to prove and believe in my importance. Hubris I know. Hmmph..
I was so confused back then why there is a rush of having children after marriage. I was bewildered if I am not normal for thinking children is not my priority. I was perplexed if the need of having child as soon as possible is very vital in our culture. Guess I think I get the answer, I live in this baby-crazed world where people always treat their child as commodities for the future. I never know that the idea of having child soonest so that they can help and take care of the parents in the future since both my grandmothers and my late grandfathers maintained and take care of themselves with minimal supervision from my aunts and uncles. After all, I believe, in this material modern world, there is no such thing as children take care of parents, I can see that in current day, the children are in need of working to cater the basic needs of living, and how they will take care of their parents? The answer -- they will hire maid or caretaker to look after their parents. That is what I see now, and think about it for 20 years later, if we are going old, do you think our own son or daughters will quit from their job and take care of us? No I don't think so. I may have diiferent point of view that you may not agree on but I write based on what I see, what I feel, and what I think.
What being part of ALI has meant to you?
Being part of this community taught me about patient, anger, rationality, and politeness.
Being part of this community has taught me know my Creator and Prophet deeper. True I was attending religious school since pre-school until to the university stage but it is so different when we know Allah and Prophet Muhammad by our own exploration and the quest of seeking the truth and reason behind every test and bless.
Being part of this community has taught me to respect others.
Being part of this community has showed me of the real love from husband.
Being part of this has taught me the art of gratitude. I learn to appreciate my spare time. I appreciate more my me-time and leisure because being childless I have opportunity to travel with dear husband, I have the chance to read my favourite books,chance of reading and writing, chance of doing spa/mani/pedi, chance to visit salon more frequent, chance to shop more clothes and shoes,chance to decorate house, chance to do tiny mini garden, chance to get as much knowledge as possible, chance to do something new and many more.
|Credit to: Coming2Terms|
Bad things in ALI community?
I think there is nothing bad about being in this community, except that I see people always associated infertility with depression and grief. It is inevitable because from what I see, the infertile soul always wanting and longing for the indescribable experience of pregnancy and motherhood. The waiting game has made the TTCians become more vulnerable and fragile. In this case, I admire the spirit of couples who decide living childfree because they are not against the life direction, but they decide that they want to be happy with their spouse. Their excitement on moving on life has caught my attention. It may be different because the feeling of motherhood is not something that we can inculcate in our heart but it is just happened. People will say sorry (sometimes mock) to the infertile couple but will blame the childfree couples for being selfish. The blame is not taken easily by childfree couples but they move on and campaigning to the world that their decision should be respected, not to be castigated or sneered. The important part is that they move on. And we move on.