Thursday, 5 April 2012

Day 5



The language of friendship is not words but meanings. - Henry David Thoreau

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Day 5:
Write a letter (one that you never have to send) to a fertile in your life. Did they hurt you? Support you? Tell them how you feel, all the things you can’t bring yourself to say in person.


Dear Fertile Friend,

I hope you and your family that you always showing off at Facebook in a pink. I hope all your great life for having doting (and so-called banker) husband and so-called sweet little kids are not only meant for prententious in a pathetic bogus cyber world.


I knew your hardship that i heard from the third party but in front of me, you turned and be a damn perfectionist like Bree Van de Kamp in TV Series Desperate Housewives and pretended that you don't understand my question. I know this life can be hard but we all did. Anyway, Who doesn't?


You changed your life and friends circles as soon as you get pregnant. I know you are competitive in every aspect of life, but you do it secretly and no one notice it. When I asked anything 'imperfect' for the sake of our long-term friendship, you just kept quiet and pretended that you are not sure, but you were actively converse with people with similar status like you.

I know you stop treated me like a friend when you can't hear people gave compliments to me. And you can't even stand when I praised your beautiful sister and admired your gorgeous co-worker.
I know you made me like stranger to you when (you thought) I'm moving ahead of you since you always looked down to me. And I was fool for not noticing it.


I know how it feels when you served me and my husband a three plastic jar of kerepek raya and tea in your wedding after we drove for freaking 13 hours to your post-wedding ceremony.
I know how it feels when your husband only stayed in bilik pengantin while we were visiting..
I know how it feels when your father asked me about 'still not pregnant' things and point his fingers to my belly in your post-wedding.
I know how it feels when you pretended for being feverish when I visited you because you don't want to hangout with us, the childless friends.
I know how it feels when you have no social life after being snobbish about your high-paid salary  (compared to us), while you had to work from dawn to dawn but we the childless circles signed-up for a craft class.
I know how it feels when you trapped in your own 'great life' while you get pregnant without having a chance for a honeymoon and you whined about it.


After all, life is fair, no? You get what people expect from you and I have what you expect for your life.

And I'm sincerely grateful to Allah for that.


Dear Fertile Friend,

You asked me over and over when and when i will get pregnant. You kept telling me I'm old and getting older. You kept telling me that I'm afar from family and friends so I need little companion, like you do.It is just so annoying and I burst out my discomfort. I told you that asking that such stupid question is tantamount of questions of uneducated one; to ask anything about rezeki in question of 'When'. I gave you analogy on how the single friend being asked about when they will get married. We have so many single friends and I thought you understand.

I'm wrong. You blamed me for labelling you uneducated. And you ignored me since then.

Credit to:A Young Woman's Expression

Dear Fertile Friend,

As a congratulation wish for you for having 'complete life' and accepted by so-called 'functional society', i give this to you..


The Phantom Agony by Epica

4 comments:

  1. i have a feeling that the freaking-CIKPUAN is her!
    No?
    its ironic such 'status' as TTC (for quite a while) could be a reason to END relationship kan. *sigh*

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  2. Haha..boleh jadi..lagipun semua ciri2 di atas ada pada dia kan..? hahhhhaa..

    Yep ironic...tak sangka je..macam salah sangat hidup kita ni belum punya anak..*sigh*

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  3. hi..one of my fren was a ttcian..now she has 3 adorable children (dpt twin plak tu,bestnya)..im happy for her as she was waiting for 2 yrs..
    yg x best nya,she's so berlagak lpas gave birth..
    xtau knape jd begitu n dia pnah ckp sy ada wat dosa kot,so Allah punish me dgn cara ni..terus esok sy MC sbb bngn pagi mata bengkak2 sbb menangis spnjang mlm
    sedey btol sbb dulu dia ttcian,xkn x paham perasaan org mcm sy..asyik tgok calendar mcm org bodoh,setiap kali nk buang air asyik doa hopfuly xde darah haid yg kluar..
    kdg2 sy rase sy nk sgt ank bkn sbb sy 'btol2' nk kn anak,tp sy rse sekadar nk tutup mulut org yg suka mengata kami suami isteri..
    mungkin sbb tu after 4 years pn kami xde zuriat lg walaupun dah di sahkn doc kami sihat dr segi sperm n rahim..niat dah salah hahahaha

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    Replies
    1. keciknya hati your friend said something inconderate like that..i membacanya ni pun kecil hati..tapi tak ape..air mata you tu Allah tahu.samada give you the best in the future or give her a lesson (ini bukan mendoakan)..

      same here..kdg2 terasa nak anak sebb org bising..padahal kami berdua seronok2 je duduk berdua

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