Day 16

Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart.- Kahlil Gibran


Day 16:
If you are not yet a parent: What are you MOST looking forward to about parenthood?
If you are a parent: What is the most surprising thing about being a parent?
If you have taken the childfree path: What is the most surprising part of living childfree after infertility?

Still, I want to answer under the childfree capasity. What is the most surprising part of living childfree after infertility? The surprising part of living childfree after infertility is the

*Pause* - Actually I skipped this question and answered the others. I think this question made me contemplating my best answer since I want to answer based on living childfree.

The most surprising part of living childfree after infertility (I didn't mean to say I give up to be a mother, it just i decided I want to live chidlfree before Allah tell me the right time to be the one) is how much the beauty of life that we missed just because we live in others' expectation. We live in expectation of others (I don't know why I love to repeat my sentence), we working hard chasing the material as we believe in the dogma that money can buy happiness. Yes, i do believe money can buy happiness, it's not we are the materialistic but we need some money in our saving to make us feel secure. The meme money cannot buy happiness is no longer applicable in our world. After all, how do you want to buy the expensive gyane consultation with penniless. Back to the issue. We are succeed in living in the expectation of others. We did our bachelor degree, we got our real job that paid us monthly, we bought a decent car, we bought our little home, we bought life & medical insurance, we bought our garments and hijabs online and offline, we ate at the exclusive restaurants with scrumptious food, we traveled to the places of attractions, we bought other things (and we blogged all of them) ----all the things that are so-called necessity in our life and necessity to other people eyes . We can achieve what we want and what people think we do, but when comes to the rizq and death, it is completely beyond our control. From all the chasing, what we missed actually is the beauty of life. The beauty of seeing life in different angle. Hm..i think it is difficult what the beauty of life in my sense, but I only can give this example ; Have you ever watched the TV series Big C, starring by Laura Linney. In this series, the C (i think) is Cancer. Her world and life seems

*Pause* - again, i skipped writing and that explain why the at the 16th day no entry.It is just so hard to elaborate on the beauty of this life.At least for me.

Continue.. Her world and life turned upside down. At the first season of Big C, Cathy (the main role with cancer, melanoma - kind of skin cancer) was tried to correcting and mending up the broken part of life and her relationship, including her rebellious teenager son, her insanely ecological brother, her weirdo-loving husbnad, her grumpy Alzheimer neighbour and her fat isolated student. The first season saw Cathy counting every blessing for her remaining life to extent she was seen as weirdo. She kept the secret of her disease but eventually confess to her husband after her grumpy Alzheimer neighbour committed suicide. Nearly to the end of the season, the society and family 'treat' her differently but that kind of treatment are not to a favour of Cathy. She stand up, fighting for her life and stand up to be stronger. She see the world and see the beauty for every single thing in life, not to mention appreciate every single thing around her, in a way that cannot be understood by others. (The Season 2 of Big C on Diva 702 every 11pm on Thursday) This is what I want to relate with my situation right now. I used to be a very gediks and plain girl, I don't like join into baktisiswa, I don't like jog under scorching sun, I don't like any adrenaline rush extreme sports, I don't like everyhting sweaty etc. But living childfree now (not involving any doctor appointment or fertility drug), I can see that I transform. I weeped everytime I watched poignant movie, I appreciate every beauty in human beings, I fond of everything that happen in our life, I eager to try new things, I listen to every kind of music and film that has been reviewed and raved by people, I learned the beauty of ettiquette, enjoying every single things that I don't know how to list here...I am inarticulate so I don't know how to explain more, but my view to the world is sort of like Cathy in Big C. That is surprising part for me.

Hmmph..this is crappy English. I don't know why I can't write properly


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