Sunday, 1 April 2012

Day 1

Love is all fun and games until someone loses an eye or gets pregnant.- Jim Cole


So, the first April in third year marriage, still childless. I posted about the 30 Days Infertility Blog Challenge here and decided to wrote about them. Should end on April 30 but pemalas is my middle name and not doing any treatment right now.

Day 1:
How did you and your partner decide when you were ready to start trying to conceive?

Frankly, we never talked about children while we were dating and we never thought about childrens' name. When we were got married, we only thought about honeymoon and living a good life that we dreamed and drooled over while were were dating and strolling all over the malls in Klang Valley.

Here is the brief chronology about my (in)fertility life:

Dec 2009- Married

Jan 2010-Aug 2010 - We don't want baby so contraceptive pills and condom helps

Aug 2010 - Oct 2011 - Trying to conceive : If I knew that it is very hard fo me to conceive a baby, I swear I will not do anything fool like I did. The first month trying to conceive, I was convinced I'm pregnant, particularly when my mother called me and told me that she had a dream,a dream about me carrying my baby in my arm. The aunt flow comes unexpectedly and we tried months after months. I bought a lot of Ovulation Predictor Kit, folic acid, and Obimin Plus, not to mention Urine Pregnancy Test. The common tips and old wives tales about improving fertility not helping either. In 2011 I rejoined the working forces, and that's how I met the despicable Budak semut Bodoh. Who said I have the strength to confront her? Because of her detestable tounge, I felt so depressed and opened this blog to pour out all my revulsion. My husband always here to listen but somehow I felt I can tell him anything but not everything. Same goes to this blog, I can write anything but not everything.Haha.

In between, May 2011 - July 2011: We met an O&G doctor. First month, the doctor asked us to try naturally. The next month, I was prescribed with Clomid and folic acid. Third month, husband was prescribed with sperm drugs (after his sperm was tested) and doctor gave me nothing. It was very costly and I decided I don't want to go through this anymore. I decided that if the time is not yet, so what I did was wasting. The doctor told me that my womb is so good and nothing wrong with my reproduction system so I knew that the rizq is not yet.

Oct 2011- current: Enough on all depression and baby madness. I quit all folic acid that made me fat and husband told me that he want to be happy with me, regardless with child or living child free.

So,back to the question, how did I and my husband decide when we were ready to start trying to conceive. It just happened, when I saw friends within my age and friends with same soleminization date got pregnant, and a lot of questions from family and relatives. I was trapped in this baby-craze world where I drooled over the baby clothes and romper that made me itching to buy it. (Apparently, the baby things I bought online I gave to my nephews and nieces).

I told my husband I want to get pregnant. It was exactly 8 months of our marriage and I thought,"hey, am I not normal?"..Yeah, i thought women who not pregnant after several year of marriages are not normal and I don't want to be part of them, and I started looking around me and figuring out who else in my life living child free. I was trying hard but Allah want to show me that women who I thought are not normal is ME.So, with my confession here, if you want to blame me and say "Serve you right", I don't mind. I'm just grateful that I am part of this community and I'm grateful Allah has 'pinch' me with this 'tiny' test.
Image googled. Credit to owner

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