Friday, 24 February 2012

Diam-diam. Jangan meroyan



The only disability in life is a bad attitude.  ~Scott Hamilton


Let me explain why am I so cruel in my posts. Ada yang cakap they love my post albeit post saya kasar. Bila saya baca balik, saya tak rasa kasar tapi orang lain yang membaca tidak berfikiran demikian. Kasar. Sebab tu sampai menerima komen yang saya meroyan. Ok lah let me explain la ya.


Makcik saya (panggil Makcik P) yang mempunyai anak 9 tetapi dimadukan sebanyak 3 kali dalam post ini -
Senang cerita suami dia (panggil Pakcik Q) gatal lah..! Haha..Ok la kita mula apa yang meroyan sangat tu. Masa tu tak silap tahun lepas. Makcik saya (Makcik K lah katakan) yang tak ada anak ni menyinggah la rumah mereka. Kebetulan Pakcik Q ni ada di rumah. So, Pakcik Q ni tanya la makcik K.

Pakcik Q: Si B&C tu dah mengandung ke?
Makcik K: Belum lagi. Dia kan sambung belajar
Pakcik Q: Apasal dah kahwin pun nak sambung belajar? Dah kahwin beranak lah!
Makcik K: Biar la dia.
Pakcik Q: Tu la keturunan korang ni. Dia tu tak beranak sebab keturunan kau orang lah. Dia tu kau tengok la nanti ikut jejak engkau tak beranak. Duit je banyak. Ada duit je tapi tak ada anak buat apa, tak guna!
Makcik K: Alah ada anak jadi penagih dadah macam abang pun buat apa?!
Pakcik Q: Tu la kau orang ni, kau tu tak pandai main. Sebab tu la anak saudara kau mengikut. Nak buat anak pun ada cara. Yang tak ada anak ni sebab tak pandai main. Lepas ni siapa pulak mengikutnya.. Anak-anak perempuan aku semua elok beranak.
Makcik K: Kalau beranak tapi asyik bagi anak makan nugget je semua orang pun boleh beranak.

Perbualan dan pergaduhan selepasnya tak perlu la saya tulis sebab pakcik saya dah menyentuh soal masuk tak masuk pancut tak pancut betul, etc semuanya yang menyakitkan hati. Kalau la saya ada di situ, saya tak tahu macam mana nak bertindak. Makcik K mungkin dah biasa sepanjang hidupnya menerima kata-kata sebegitu rupa tapi saya masih lagi fragile. Entah.

Mengamuk? Tak boleh, nanti orang kata kita meroyan tak ada anak.
Keluar je dari rumah terus balik tak payah salam? Mungkin nampak biadap.
Buat tak tahu je? Entah, kalau diberi kekuatan sebegitu rupa.
Diam pastu tak makan tak minum? Confirm la dia akan cakap 'ala..gurau je pun tak boleh..'
Entah.
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Bicara pasal sepupu saya dalam post ini.
Saya tak bermaksud mengatakan ada anak payah, tak ada anak adalah best. Walaupun statement tu macam best je kedengaran dan it so true tapi semua orang pun nak merasa jadi ibu bapa, dengan harapan kita mendapat doa anak soleh(ah) tatkala kita berada di alam barzakh nanti. Ok dah melalut.

Masa dia dan ex-husband dia baru kahwin, mereka berdua ni asyik mempamerkan kasih sayang di hadapan orang sambil bergelak mengekek judging people. Tudung senget sikit nak ketawakan, makan terjatuh sebutir nasi di bibir pun nak gelakkan, mengomen penampilan dan rupa orang pastu terkekeh-kekeh sesama sendiri(macam saya cakap pada post lepas, dia dan ex-husband dia ni macam pinang dibelah dua, dua-dua sama cantik sama padan), mengutuk secretly cara jalan orang, semuanya lah. Ya lah, orang tengah seronok berdua, kita faham lah, tapi wajar ke nak gelakkan penampilan orang sebegitu rupa. Masa mereka baru bercerai, tatkala mak ayah saya bersedih (sebab dia ni orang favourite semua orang; nenek, atuk, pakcik,makcik,termasuklah mak ayah saya), adik saya ni tak berapa bersetuju sangat dengan pujian-pujian mak ayah saya terhadap dia. Jadi saya buka la cerita pada adik saya .

Masa hari kahwin dia, saya tengah gosok baju untuk majlis, baju saya tu tidaklah indah sangat tapi mak- mak sedara semua memuji, dan pada masa tu dia masuk bilik. Mungkin dia dah biasa dengan pujian dan tak suka dengar orang lain memuji orang selain dia, dia cakap sambil tunjuk baju saya tu "Alah, ni baju sepuluh ringgit, bersepah kat pasar malam kat pekan ni!"..

Masa majlis kahwin dia, keluarga belah mak dia (belah keluarga saya- dari JB) tak banyak menolong, sebab kami tengok keluarga belah ayah dia (belah lagi satu-dari Batu Pahat) bertungkus lumus. So, bila majlis hampir habis, dia buat statement yang buat makcik saya sentap dan ngadu pada kami. Dia cakap "Asyik keluarga Batu Pahat je buat kerja, keluarga JB tak buat apa-apa pun."..Benda yang dia tak tahu adalah keluarga kami yang buat clean up semuanya walaupun basuh periuk dalam hujan, sedangkan keluarga Batu Pahat terus balik. Ok, takpe, ini tak berkaitan dengan saya sangat.

Masa baru kahwin, mak ayah saya buat kenduri doa selamat. So mereka berdua ni datang. Saya ni dengan apron dari dapur penat membasuh pinggan meluru ke depan nak bersalam dengan mereka. Tapi apa yang saya dapat? Diorang berdua ketawakan saya cakap saya macam bibik katerer. Kalau saya jahat, dah lama saya cakap, "memanglah macam bibik katerer, dah masing2 datang bawak perut je..".Tapi saya belum lagi sekejam itu.

Bila adik saya dengar cerita saya, dia cakap nak cerita dengan mak..Tapi saya halanglah dia..sebab benda tu dah lama..tak payah ungkit..Tapi adik saya berani cakap "padan muka"..saya belum la tahap macam tu lagi sebab bagi saya itu bahagian masing-masing..nasib kita belum tahu..walaupun adik saya ni banyak justificationnya tapi benda ni dah lama kan..so lupakan je la..

Oh, saya cuma nak cerita --tak baik ketawakan orang, tak baik nyombong-nyombong dengan orang.
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Ok, yang kawan saya yang marahkan adik di Facebook di post ini

Dia ni baik orangnya, cuma saya terasa sedikit bila dia tak habis-habis promote di Facebook dan blog (kalau blog tu saya boleh pejam mata je) pasal kebahagiaan keluarga dia. Ada satu hari saya menulis tentang perancangan cuti kami (dalam blog) which is yang langsung tak ada berkaitan dengan anak, tiba-tiba dia tulis
"takde perancangan nak anak ke...? takpe, takpe adalah tu nanti, sabar ya.."..

Kemudian dalam blog dia,dia tulis tentang betapa bahagianya dia dengan kehidupan dia walaupun orang mengata dia beranak rapat-rapat tapi dia tak peduli. Ok la saya tak kisah bab tu. Saya tumpang gembira dengan dia. Tiba-tiba dia tulis,
"kepada kawan-kawan saya yang trying-to-concieve, saya doakan kamu supaya dapat merasa kegembiraan ini juga. Diharap bersabar, ada lah tu nanti, cuma lambat cepat je".

Entahlah, saya tak tahu samada saya ni over-sensitive ke atau cepat buat assumption. Entah. Diam-diam je. Nanti orang kata meroyan pulak.
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Yang biras saya ni, macam yang saya cerita hari tu la (dalam post ini)..

Cuma lemas la kalau dah asyik jumpa asyik bagi tips je. Ada satu kali tu dia tanya saya, "plan ke? kalau tak plan, cepat-cepat la mengandung..Akak dulu sebulan kahwin je dah mengandung. Sebab masa nikah tu waktu subur." Kemudian dia tunjuk gambar kahwin dia yang berbakul-bakul tu sambil cakap "masa akak majlis ni, akak dah mengandung sebulan..".

Dia tengok saya tak ada apa-apa reaksi, jumpa lagi cakap lagi benda yang sama tapi bunyi lain pulak, "Dah mengandung ke? Kalau belum usaha lah lagi. Best tau ada anak ni. Best sangat.."

Jumpa lain hari, ayat lain pulak, "Dah buat dah yang akak suruh letak bantal bawah punggung tu..?" . Saya jawab, "Tak. Lupa.". Dia jawab balik, "Kita ni jadi isteri bukan fikir nak sedap je, selain tunaikan tanggungjawab, kena bagi zuriat, nanti laki cari lain.."

Jumpa lagi, ayat lain pulak. "Tau tak pasal folic acid? Folic acid tu untuk subur. Sebelum buat tu makan la..Dalam pukul 8 pukul 9 tu telan la" .Saya jawab la, "Malas nak makan sebab gemuk". Dia tanya balik "makan banyak mana, sebiji dua pun dah cukup.."..Saya dah malas nak layan saya jawab "Entah, berbiji-biji kot..entah la..tak ingat" Yang paling tak tahan dia jawab,"Laa..banyak sangat..patut la gemuk..!" (sambil dia gelak macam jalang)..Folic acid tu untuk subur ke? Bukan untuk mencegah defect pada baby ke?. Entah.

Bukan nak kata apa la kan, mungkin jika suami saya cari lain sebab saya tak mampu bagi zuriat adalah benda yang diramalkan oleh orang lain, tetapi dia dapat anak nombor dua dia lepas dia bergaduh dengan suami dia sebab suami dia bercall dan bermesej sayang-sayang dengan pelacur, dia tak malu kah bagi tips-tips ni pada saya?

Diam-diam je. Nanti bising-bising orang kata saya meroyan pulak.
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(Yang ni bukan explanation dalam post-post lepas, cuma nak menulis dengan kasar je ni)

Paling bengang bila upload gambar percutian, ada pulak yang sangat baik hati tanya, "Ni honeymoon kali ke berapa ni..?"

Orang yang sama upload gambar bercuti ke Cameron Highland sampai 4 folder, siap tulis capslock macam ni, "CUTI DALAM NEGARA KE LUAR NEGARA KE SAMA JE, PERCUTIAN MAHAL KE PERCUTIAN MURAH KE ITU TAK PENTING, YANG PENTING HAPPY BERSAMA WAJAH-WAJAH KESAYANGAN HAMBA".

Aik? Tiba-tiba..
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Kita ni payah mengandung jadi diam-diam je. Kang nanti bising-bising orang kata meroyan sebab tak ada anak..

[sarcastism]

Tuesday, 21 February 2012

Tak boleh nak komen

I can't open and surf some blogs, which I don't know why. Maybe my netbook need formating and cleaning. Husband suggesting that the Javascript is not there while I have no idea what the heck JavaScript is.

The worst, I can't publish my comments in other blogs. I can type the comments but the blog page will get blank and empty after I clicked 'publish' which make me tad dissapointed.
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Have you read It's a Harsh World by Jay? It's a harsh world, but here, we survived...We rawk...!

Like her said, sometimes when we burst out our anger and emotional imbalance in the blog, we were seldomly wrote the full whole story behind that. For me, the writings in the blog never meant to hurt mothers' feelings. I never meant to insult the life of busy mothers. Sometimes, the choice of words become harsher due to the harsh words said to TTCians like us. I write the harsh and sarcastic words are just meant to persuade my inner self and to convince my own heart and mind that it is ok for being child-free. To convince our internal belief that it is very much ok to have a lot of me-time in living child-free is harder than babydancing according to ovulation calendar. This harsh world is begin from harsh words from inconsiderate mothers who do not understand anything about difficulties to get pregnant. Every day we look into calendars, every month waiting for menstruation,every outings buying the UPT, every conversation with our spouse always related with baby and kids, every events we attend we pretend that we don't mind being asked harshly while we 'kill' them..in our mind..The world somewhat show no compassion to our diffiulties althought they pretend they concern about it.. It is a harsh world where we stand still in sanity (and fabulousity if I may add) to prove we are strong. Like they said, what doesn't kill you make you stronger. It is just harsh words come from harsh world, so if you are not in our shoes, don't bother to 'educate' us. We learned so much from this harsh world and we learned enough.  Till then, good luck to everybody..You rock!
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I never hold any baby since the  ridiculous statement 'ambil berkat' or 'ambil aura' is sounds like moron (to me).

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P/S : Jay, i never deleted your comments, and never deleted any comments although from 'cik-ke-puan-entah-aku-tak-tahu'..I thought that you deleted the comment and I only able to read it via my email. I have to clarify here because like I said earlier I can't post any comments in other blogs. There are other comments also deleted because the blogger treat them as spams which I don't know how to make it appear to blog entry, and I regret of my limited cyber knowledge. I'm sorry. 

Tuesday, 14 February 2012

When my best friend got pregnant

Mula-mula bila dengar berita:



Kemudian, beristighfar dan insaf diri:

.
Thank you for making this day......wonderful!

Monday, 13 February 2012

30 Day Infertility Blog Challenge

Here are the meme for 30 Day Infertility Blog Challenge, which I found in this blog; A Girl, A Guy and A Tumour. True, she and her husband are struggling with infertility yet she have a tumour.

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Here are the questions for the 30 Day Infertility Blog Challenge:

Day 1:
How did you and your partner decide when you were ready to start trying to conceive?

Day 2:
Discuss the most ridiculous thing you ever heard about conception. Where did you hear it? Did it work for someone else? Did you try it?

Day 3:
When talking to your fertile parenting friends, what is/was your favorite “perk” of childlessness to rub in their face? Sleeping in? Vacations? Hot pre-pregnancy body? Come on, confess!

Day 4:
Besides Mothers Day, what is the hardest holiday for you as an infertile?

Day 5:
Write a letter (one that you never have to send) to a fertile in your life. Did they hurt you? Support you? Tell them how you feel, all the things you can’t bring yourself to say in person.

Day 6:
Discuss how you found your way into the ALI community, and what being part of it has meant to you – good and bad. (ALI = adoption/loss/infertility, source here)

Day 7:
If you had gotten pregnant that first month you started trying, how would you have been a different parent? What changes have you made to your parenting style (either current or future) in the time you spent trying to conceive?

Day 8:
Share a recipe for your favorite alcoholic drink (or, if you don’t drink, it can be non-alcoholic but make it fun!), and your favorite comfort and/or post-bfn food.

Day 9:
What was the first baby or pregnancy-related purchase you ever made? Was it before or after you started trying to conceive? Or was it after you were already pregnant? Why did you choose that particular item to buy first? If you haven’t purchased anything yet, why not?

Day 10:
Other than the song “I Would Die For That,” post a video of a song that has special meaning to you and your infertility journey. Explain it, if you’re comfortable doing so.

Day 11:
Post your favorite pre-ttc picture of yourself. Why is it your favorite? If possible, talk about that day/moment.

Day 12:
Talk about how you chose your RE.(What is RE? I really have no idea. Do let me know k..)

Day 13:
Post the list of potential baby names that you seriously considered, but can no longer use because someone stole it/it became too popular/whatever reason.

Day 14:
If a very observant stranger were to walk into your house, what clues could lead them to believe that you have struggled with infertility?

Day 15:
If you are not yet pregnant/a parent: What are you MOST and LEAST looking forward to after that first beta? (after that first beta? what is beta? seriously I don't know what is beta..)If you are already pregnant/a parent: What was the most pleasant/unpleasant thing about pregnancy? If you have taken the childfree path: What pregnancy symptom are you happy to have avoided, and which one do you wish you’d experienced?

Day 16:
If you are not yet a parent: What are you MOST looking forward to about parenthood? If you are a parent: What is the most surprising thing about being a parent? If you have taken the childfree path: What is the most surprising part of living childfree after infertility?

Day 17:
Tell us your funniest Clomid/Femara/Injectibles mood-swing story. If you don’t have one, tell us your funniest general infertility drug story.

Day 18:
Tell us about a pre-ttc pregnancy “scare.” With your current partner, or with an ex.

Day 19:
What tv show/movie/commercial/print ad has bothered you the most since you began trying to conceive? If possible, post it here. Tell us why it bothered you so much.

Day 20:
Have you ever bonded with someone IRL over infertility, even just for a few minutes? It could be a family member, friend, neighbor, or even the clerk at the grocery store who noticed your OPK and vitamin purchase. Tell the story. (IRL = in real life, source here)

Day 21:
What is your favorite infertility-related quote? It doesn’t have to be explicitly related to infertility, but one that means something to your personal journey.

Day 22:
Were you the product of infertility? Was anyone you know the product of infertility? How do you know? Or do you just suspect based on circumstances like age differences between siblings, time between marriage and conception, etc.

Day 23:
Does your religion (or lack of) help/hurt/affect your infertility journey? Have you found religion? Lost it? Does it affect what treatments you do?

Day 24:
How has your financial situation affected your infertility journey?

Day 25:
Talk about a time when you made someone in your life understand more about infertility.

Day 26:
What do you use the “nursery” for right now? If you already had a baby, what did you use it for before pregnancy?

Day 27:
If you had known that you would have trouble conceiving, what would you have done differently in life? If you already knew, did that knowledge affect your other life choices?

Day 28:
Have you ever done something “non-traditional” in order to help you conceive?

Day 29:
Tell us about a friendship you lost or a relationship that changed for the worse because of infertility.

Day 30:
After a month of infertility talk, we need a distraction. Give us a link to one of your favorite non-infertility-sites, or tell us about your favorite distraction activity/book/feel-good movie.

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To tell tou, this infertility blog challenge is not meant to aggravate our current situation. It just meant to 'juice' our blog, particularly for me, which it has been more than six months i abandoned any fertility treatment, including counting my ovulation days. Instead blabbering about infertility hardship and inner pain that might annoyed people, maybe i can try this...only if i'm so rajin dan broadband sangat nice to me..!

Kindly tell me what is RE (day 12) dan first beta (day 15)

Sunday, 12 February 2012

Celebrities with infertility

They literally went around the world to have a baby.  Amazing Race winners Uchenna Agu and Joyce Robinson have been trying to have a baby and IVF has been unsuccessful. They plan to use their winnings to cover further in vitro attempts or adopt.

Tom Arnold and ex-wife, Shelby struggled with infertility since 2002 until their divorce in 2007. To compensate for Tom's low sperm count and poor motility, they have tried IVF with ICSI 5 times with no success. In
People, they discussed how difficult infertility has been on their marriage and the cost of IVF (Guess what? They're insurance doesn't cover it either.)

David and Courtney Cox-Arquette have had a well publicized battle with infertility.  After several miscarriages due to immunity problems and IVF, they finally had a healthy, baby girl, Coco. In a Good Housekeeping article, she said, "In vitro is a wonderful thing that people can do in this day and age, and I'm lucky enough to be able to afford it." She and her husband hope to
try IVF one more time. If unsuccessful, they hope to bring Coco an adopted sibling.

After 7 years of TTC, actress
Angela Bassett and her husband, "Law & Order: Criminal Intent" star Courtney B. Vance welcomed twins, Bronwyn Golden and Slater Josiah carried by surrogate.

Actress Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon gave birth to twins, Jaid and Jax, conceived after three miscarriages and failed IVF, according to People magazine.
Christie Brinkley sought in vitro fertilization treatment and had three miscarriages before giving birth at 44 to her third child, daughter Sailor Lee, with soon-to-be ex-husband Peter Cook.

LeVar Burton of Roots, Star Trek: The Next Generation, and Reading Rainbow and his wife Stephanie Cozart Burton had a daughter Michaela, born in July 1994. LeVar and his wife were very outspoken advocates for infertility.
Helena Bonham Carter and director, Tim Burton welcomed a baby girl in December 2007. After trying
Clomid, IVF, and several alternative treatments, the baby was conceived naturally.


Marcia Cross skipped her honeymoon to start IVF and successfully conceived twins Eden and Savannah. Even Marcia, as an actress on a high-rated show, acknowledged the high cost of IVF, telling USA Today, "it's very expensive and (requires) a lot of needles and shots."

Jamie Lee Curtis and her husband, Christopher Guest adopted their children after realizing that infertility prevented them from conceiving. Jamie has written a book,
Tell Me Again About The Night I Was Born. The book was "written to let children who joined their families through adoption know that their own birth stories were exciting, too".Robert De Niro and his former companion model-turned-restaurateur Toukie Smith gave birth to twin boys via surrogate on Oct. 20, 1995.

Due to a rare, painful auto-immune disorder, sarcoidosis, Karen Duffy, MTV VJ, actress, and Revlon model was worried about exposing a child to her prescribed medications. She was able to have a child through a surrogate.

Former Mrs. International,
Michelle Fryatt and her husband had multiple infertility diagnoses and tried IUI and IVF before adopting their baby.Peri Gilpin, of Frasier, has two little girls, born May 7, by surrogate. She and her husband tried to conceive for 7 years. After many years of pain and failed IVF attempts, they were able to have two daughters, Stella and Ava.

Nancy Grace and her new husband had twins, Lucy Elizabeth and John David, reportedly conceived via IVF. Her babies were born two months early and then Nancy was rehospitalized days later to treat blood clots.
Kelsey Grammer and his wife, Camille used a surrogate after her Irritable Bowel Syndrome prevented her from carrying to full term. The couple welcomed Jude Gordon on August 28, joining sister Mason Olivia.

Melanie Griffith and her husband, Antonio Banderas struggled with secondary infertility for years and had some unsuccessful fertility treatment. Reportedly, the emotional pain caused by failed treatment is part of the reason why she entered rehab.
Deidre Hall, star of Days of our Lives, and husband Steve Sohmer suffered through several treatments for 20 years before turning to a surrogate.

Hugh Jackman and his wife, Deborra-lee Furness struggled with conceiving a child. After several miscarriages and failed IVF, they were able to adopt their children.

Actor/Comedian,
Penn Jillette and his wife, Emily conceived their first child, Moxie through IVF. Thanks
Kathleen!
Leila Kenzle, best known for her role as Fran Devanow, Jamie Buchman's (Helen Hunt) best friend for six years on the Emmy award winning "Mad About You," has co-founded FertilityLA in Sherman Oaks, California, a psychotherapy program for people who are struggling to get pregnant.

After an ectoptic pregnancy and miscarriage with ex-husband, Tom Cruise,
Nicole Kidman and country musician, Keith Urban are expecting a baby, allegedly conceived after eight months of fertility treatment.

Alex Kingston, of ER tried to have a child for 6 years before finally giving birth to a baby girl.  She states, "It didn't surprise me that women were trying IVF so many times; there's that need, and it ultimately overrides everything else."  She is now supporting HER trust, a  charity dedicated to investigating unanswered questions about infertility. As well as funding research, the charity will provide information for women on reproductive issues.

Although never confirmed,
Jennifer Lopez allegedly conceived her baby (babies??) via IVF after trying for 3 years.Joan Lunden was able to have twins (twice!) with a surrogate mother.

Cindy Margolis- Supermodel/actress discusses her struggle with infertility and her desire to have a baby.  She had her first child, Nicholas through IVF/GIFT in 2002.  Her two daughters, Sabrina and Sierra were born prematurely by a surrogate on July 17, 2005. VH1 ran a special highlighting Cindy's career and struggle with infertility. Cindy recently published a guide about navigating infertility diagnosis and treatment.

According to People, Chris Meloni (Law and Order: SVU) and his wife Sherman Williams conceived their two children, Sophia and Dante, through surrogate. His wife remarked, "That someone would give up that much of themselves for somebody else. Its the greatest gift ever."

Laurie Metcalf, formerly of Roseanne and another Desperate Housewives,and her husband are new parents to a baby girl, born by surrogate in July 2005.

'Will and Grace' star
Megan Mullally, has been trying to have a baby and admits that conceiving naturally will be very hard. Rather than turn to IVF, she is considering adoption.

Actress
Valarie Pettiford and her husband, Tony Rader have been trying to conceive for over 5 years. She told Ebony magazine, "I felt so isolated and alone. It's difficult to talk about, but I want other women out there to know that they are not alone; there is support."

Dennis Quaid and his wife, Kimberly had twins,
Thomas Boone Quaid and Zoe Grace, born November 2007 via surrogate. Their faith was tested again when their babies were accidentally given a near-fatal overdose of Heparin.

Not a movie or TV celebrity, but a political celebrity.  New Supreme Court Justice,
John Roberts and his wife, Jane had difficulty conceiving.  Her Catholic faith prohibited the use of infertility treatments.  After a lengthy and emotionally draining process, they adopted Josephine and John.  Our political sympathizer?!?

Julia Roberts gave birth to twins, a girl named Hazel Patricia Moder and a boy named Phinnaeus Walter Moder. It is rumored that she conceived through IVF, but her publicist denies it.


Katey Sagal, best known for her role as Peggy on Married with Children had a daughter in January
2007 born via surrogate.


Jane Seymour had multiple miscarriages and painful infertility treatments. She has also written a book "Two at a time" to describe her and her husband's ordeal.

Sherri Shepherd, of The View had a son through IVF. Her son was born at 25 weeks, at 1 lb. 10 oz. At last report, her son was doing well, but still in need of regular support.  Thanks Brigitte!

Brooke Shields gave birth to baby, Grier (conceived naturally) on April 18, 2006. She had her daughter, Rowan after many IVF cycles. Brooke  now speaks out on infertility (and yes, postpartum depression). Her book Down Came the Rain chronicles her struggles with infertility and postpartum depression.

Alexis Stewart, daughter of Martha Stewart, has been very open about her fight to become a mother. In an interview with Oprah, she remarks that she is "lucky" because her Mother pays for her $28,000/month treatment.

Sharon Stone reportedly suffers from recurrent early miscarriages and recently adopted her second
child.

Brenda Strong (Mary Alice Young- Desperate Housewives) wrestled with infertility and turned to the practice of yoga to manage and alleviate the associated stress brought on by the diagnosis. She released a
Yoga 4 Fertility DVD in 2004. She will serve as the first national spokesperson for The American Fertility Association (AFA).

Former Bachelorette, Trista Sutter conceived her son, Max naturally after trying for two years. She reported that they were considering IVF, but "it really is expensive."

Oscar-winner, Emma Thompson suffered a miscarriage in 1997 and was subsequently diagnosed with PCOS.  She was able to have a daughter, Gaia in 1999 at the age of 40. Later IVF attempts failed.  She is happy with her daughter, but notes that "there are thousands and thousands of women like me who can't have children."  In 2006,
Emma and her husband adopted a teenager from Rwanda.

Nia Vardalos, the genius behind "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" has been ttc for eight years. She is currently undergoing infertility treatment.

Actress Jo Beth Williams suffered from infertility and recurrent miscarriages. She stated, "You do become desperate. You go through periods where you cry for no reason and you want someone to help you."  She and her husband finally adopted.


Trinny Woodall - one half of BBC's What Not To Wear team - is celebrating the birth of her first child. Trinny, 39, and husband, Jonny Elichaoff have named their daughter Lila and they couldn't be happier. Trinny said: "I'm so happy, I can't tell you how overjoyed I am." The couple previously suffered years of baby heartbreak; Trinny suffered nine failed attempts at IVF and two miscarriages before falling pregnant last year.

Source:
No Baby On Board


Friday, 10 February 2012

Saya belum ada anak, saya ok - bhgn 3

By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant. 
~Phyllis Diller


Saya mohon maaf jika semua entry-entry saya seolah-olah mencerminkan penentangan kehidupan bekeluarga. Tak, bukan begitu maksud saya. Siapa yang tak mahu membina keluarga sendiri kan? Cuma masanya belum tiba. Dan enjoylah being muda forever, sebab orang yang muda dari kita atau sebaya tapi banyak anak atau asyik mengandung sambil eksyen dirinya subur sangat tu akan automatik kelihatan lebih tua dari kita. Dan of courselah suaminya lebih boroi dari suami kita. Sebab - bila mempunyai anak, payah sebenarnya untuk seorang isteri dan suami bersenam atau berfutsal. Ahaks! Dan kita yang belum ada anak ni, tak payah la nak pakai baju macam baju orang mengandung atau baju makcik-makcik tu, sebab kita kan young forever..ehemmmm.. :-) (tapi tak usahlah dah umur 25 ke atas nak pakai baju macam youngsters sekarang, mereka muda, itu masa mereka bereksperimen.)

Tapi janganlah assume saya tak mahu anak.Mahu. Tapi saya mahu anak bila Allah kata "Ok B&C, kamu dah sedia" (secara metaforanya). Adalah sangat jahat jika kita memaksa rezeki dari takdir. Rezeki dari takdir saya maksudkan di sini terdiri dari rezeki, harta, jodoh dan keturunan. Macam orang yang menipu (contoh paling dekat, MLM) untuk kaya.Kamu rasa dia akan senang lenang ke dengan sumpahan orang.? Kalau kita memperolehi rezeki penthouse dengan cara yang dipaksa, nak juga penthouse walaupun gaji RM5k je, senang ke kita jika asyik dikejar bank? Contoh yang saya nampak sendiri, jodoh yang dipaksa, kahwin lari di Siam kerana ditentang oleh keluarga. Kamu rasa jodoh yang dipaksa begini bahagiakah? Walaupun mudah dikurniakan anak,tapi kurang bahagia sebab takde hubungan kekeluargaan yang rapat dengan ipar duai dan anak-anak sedara. (tapi semuanya berlaku dengan izin Tuhan) .Untuk diri kita sendiri, adakah betul kita akan bahagia jika dikurniakan anak jika kita paksa suami buat projek dengan kita walaupun dia keletihan bekerja sebab nak kejar ovulation days? (saya pernah dengar sorang kawan buat macam ni)

Jangan salah faham. Bagi saya IUI atau IVF atau drug bukan memaksa kesinambungan keturunan. Bagi saya umat Muhammad dikembangkan dengan berbagai-bagai cara. Ada orang secara naturally, ada orang perlukan Clomid, ada orang perlu IUI, ada orang perlu IVF. Kita hanya berusaha je kan, sebab tak semua IUI atau drug atau IVF first time terus lekat. Ada yang buat dua tiga kali baru lekat. Ada yang buat sekali terus lekat Itu namanya rezeki yang Allah beri. Kadang-kadang Allah beri 'ilham' dalam bentuk instict bahawa something wrong dalam badan kita, dan kita pun terus buat appointment dengan doktor. Dan Allah pun tunjukkan pada kita bahawa kita ni ada sekian-sekian penyakit rupanya. Dan Allah beri lorong untuk kita berubat. Dan Allah beri rezeki pula untuk kita berubat tu. Jumpa doktor kesuburan atau buat IUI dan IVF mahal kan.. Beratus keluar..Paling sikit pun RM50, tu pun consultation fees. Dan Allah beri rezeki anak apabila kita sembuh ataupun tidak sembuh pun tiba-tiba lekat. Kesinambungan keturunan pun Allah beri macam-macam cara. Jadi kita ni tak usah 'memaksa' kesinambungan keturunan, tapi berusaha digalakkan. Sebab dengan berusahalah, hubungan antara suami isteri lebih erat, dan jika Allah beri anak pun, for sure kita akan lebih sayang dan didik anak kita jadi manusia kan..Macam juga jodoh, nak husband best kena la diri sendiri usaha jadi best dulu. Usaha juga kan? 


Saya terkesan juga dari komen dari Cik Puan Tipah dalam entry sebelum ini, tentang anak-anak yang jadi kesulitan walaupun dianggap rezeki. "Bukan nak cerita buruk saudara mara..tapi cousin saya senang nak dpt anak..anak 2 org..tapi dari anak no 1 sampai anak no 2 ada masalah dgn baby sitter. Takde sape nak jaga anak dia. Kesudahannya mak dia jaga. Mak pun makan hati jg cucu. Siap gaduh2 ngan mak dia lagi. Kakak sulung mengadu cerita kat keluarga kami. Saya selalu ckp dgn hubby..biarlah kita tak dpt lagi anak drpd ada anak kita menyusahkan org. Biarlah bila Allah beri zuriat pada saat Allah merasakan inilah waktu terbaik utk kita ada zuriat".. Iya, anak memanglah dianggap ujian, dan membesarkan anak bukannya mudah.

Saya pun berdoa supaya bakal anak-anak saya tidak menjadi marah orang, tidak menjadi umpatan orang kalau terlalu nakal, tidak menjadi kesulitan orang lain, biarlah susah senang saya dan suami yang tanggung. Saya baca juga di Facebook ada kawan yang meluahkan perasaan tidak puas hati pada adik perempuannya. Sebab adiknya itu tak mahu menjaga dia dan anak sulungnya tatkala dia mahu berpantang anak kedua yang bakal lahir. Kawan saya ni mudah mengandung, bunting pelamin dan dia pregnant second child dia pun masa anak first baru 5 bulan. Dah berduyun2 lah semua rakan menyatakan kemarahan mereka pada adik kawan saya, lebih-lebih lagi bila kawan saya ni dah start mengungkit budinya untuk adik perempuannya. Perspektif saya mudah - adik perempuannya itu masih muda, masih mahu berlepak-lepak dengan rakan sebaya, mahu berjalan-jalan tengok wayang dengan kawan-kawan, dan menjaga anak saudaranya bukanlah tanggungjawab dia. Dan lagi satu, jika budi baik yang diberikan itu mahu dibalas dan kemudian diungkit, mana letaknya maruah diri kamu saat kamu dengan megahnya berkata kamu dan suami kamu adalah orang 'kaya' kerana bekerja di sektor 'high-end' dan kemudian dengan megahnya berkata Allah sayangkan kamu laki bini kerana mudah dikurniakan anak?  Kan mudah kalau kamu upah je dua atau tiga  orang midwives Indonesia atau makcik-makcik bidan tua untuk menjaga kamu berpantang tanpa menyusahkan adik perempuan kamu? Dan sekarang bergaduh pula mengumpat adik di Facebook. Iya, kamu sungguh 'kaya' dan 'bertamadun'..tapi kedekut!

Saya ada biras. Biras yang berkahwin dengan abang suami saya. Biras saya dan abang ipar saya ni adalah orang kebanyakkan, macam kami juga. Sudah punya dua anak. Masa baru kawin, saya tengok biras saya ni pendiam je orangnya walaupun dah nampak percikan kedengkian. Berlainan dengan abang ipar saya, walaupun dia taraf pendidikannya tidak tinggi, tapi dia bukan tipikal berfikiran sempit. Sampailah satu masa, abang ipar saya ni mendapat tawaran bekerja di Jepun. Masa kami balik kampung, biras saya ni mula 'angkat muka' bereksyen dengan barang berjenama walaupun saya tahu ianya fake. Ada juga kasut anak-anak yang terang-terang "made in china" diletakkan di Facebook. Tak habis2 menunjuk2 dengan kami sambil berkata "ni mahal ni", "mahal ni, beli online"..mungkin dia baru kenal dunia sebab gaji abang ipar saya di malaysia tetap jalan, dan gaji di Jepun pun jalan juga. Sangat bongkak. Saya tak faham orang yang baru 'merasa' boleh jadi sebegitu angkuh dengan kehidupannya sedangkan kalau dia luaskan pergaulan dia, saya rasa hidup dia tu 'biasa-biasa' je..So, faham-fahamlah. Ada satu masa di depan orang ramai, biras saya ni terang-terang depan orang mengajar saya cara 'buat' untuk dapat anak. Dia suruh letak bantal lepas bersama (dia cakap anak kedua dia buat macam tu), kira waktu subur, kemudian makan acid folic. Masa tu saya terasa la malu sebab depan kakak ipar dan mak mertua saya sedangkan sebenarnya keluarga mertua saya tak pernah sorang pun ada yang sibuk saya pregnant ke tak. Mereka diam je.Tapi husband jadi penyelamat. Dia cakap "ah, tak payah nak buat semua tu..mengarut..kalau Tuhan dah kata ada tu ada la..". Walaupun saya sakit hati, tapi entahlah.Pendam je.

Entah macamana, lepas je abang ipar saya balik dari Jepun, dalam dua tiga bulan macam tu, dengar cerita biras saya berhenti kerja sebab nak jaga anak. Sebab mak dia dah tak mahu jaga anak-anak dia lagi sebab kononnya buas, sedangkan mak dia boleh tolong jaga cucu dari anak yang lain. Dan start dari situ, keangkuhan sirna. Cakap-cakap yang suruh buat anak pun dah tak ada, mungkin takut dengan abang ipar saya. Dan mereka laki bini pinjam duit husband saya setiap kali raya dan cuti sekolah, bila dikumpul beribu juga lah. Dah tak ada lagi eksyen kasut fake atau wallet LV made in china di Facebook. Kami balik raya haritu, kami sekeluarga pergi ke rumah makcik husband. Anak kedua biras ni asyik mengamuk je, dan...tiba-tiba dia muntah di living room depan kuih muih raya makcik husband.

Saya ini manusia biasa, bukan malaikat. Jika saya malaikat, saya akan ambilkan tuala dan tolong lapkan muntah tersebut, sebab dekat dengan kedudukan saya. Disebabkan saya manusia biasa yang pendendam, saya hanya memerhati sahaja amukan anak dia dan muntah yang dibersihan terbongkok-bongkok oleh biras saya. Sambil memerhatikan, saya dengan selambanya minum dan makan ketupat rendang seperti tak ada apa yang berlaku di saat semua keluarga kecoh-kecoh. Saya perasan some of them pandang-pandang saya sebab of courselah paling sikit pun kalau tak tolong, buat-buatlah cakap, "ala kesiannya..", "demam ya..?kesiann..", "patutlah ngamuk, tak sedap badan.."..

Dalam hati saya, kalau kau tanya lagi aku pasal pregnant pasal anak, aku nak jawab,"Saya ni nak anak kak, tapi takut la..Saya tak reti nak lap muntah budak kat rumah orang..!"..


Surprisingly, dia tak tanya langsung pasal anak atau pasal pregnant, sampai sekarang...

Banyak lagi la saya nak tulis, tapi saya belum solat Asar. Nanti saya sambung ya..

Wednesday, 1 February 2012

Saya belum ada anak, saya ok - bhgn 2

Who does not thank for little will not thank for much.  ~Estonian Proverb

Maaflah jika entry-entry saya semuanya berterabur dan tak ada flow. Betul-betul apa yang keluar dari otak dan dari hati. Yang keluar dari otak baik sikit bunyinya (hehehe..agaknya lah), yang keluar dari hati tu hm..cukup segala resepi makian dan luahan kemenyampahan..

Mode Mak Joyah: Malam tadi, kami berdua dok bergurau senda, tapi saya ni asyik teringat makan je la.Saya ajak husband pergi drive-thru McD nak makan McFlurry tapi semua icecream habis, so ajak dia ke KFC beli ice cream dan cheesy wages. So duduk dalam kereta je, biar husband yang beli. Sekali dari dalam kereta saya nampak seorang perempuan yang merupakan our colleague juga yang saya benci. Rupa-rupanya dengan perut terboyot-boyot anak kedua dia usung laki dan anak first dia dinner kat KFC pukul 10.30 malam. Itu tak jadi masalah, sebab hal-hal macam ni saya tak ambil port sangat, bukan kacau rumahtangga kita pun. Cuma saya rasa nak ketawa dan nak ejek dia, sebab dia bukan main lancang ajar saya macamana nak buat baby, suruh makan ubat untuk dapat anak. Tapi, sendiri pun pemalas nak masak. Ok, actually saya faham mungkin tengah sarat tu tak larat masak dan husband dia pun tak kisah. Saya tak pernah kisah cara hidup orang dan cara orang, tak suka nak pertikai, cuma saya rasa jelik sebab dia pernah 'mengajar' saya untuk beranak. Sedangkan dari cerita dia, dia sendiri pernah mengalami depression sebab dia terlalu nak anak dan pernah keguguran. Saya rasa jelik sebab dia menyibuk-nyibuk hal kehidupan saya sedangkan saya ok je. Saya rasa jelik sebab dia ajar saya macamana nak beranak tapi sendiri pun tak 'terajar' nak atur rumahtangga. Mungkin kalau dia tak lancang sebegitu, saya tak heran pun dia dinner kat mana dan pukul berapa.


Sebenarnya, jauh di lubuk hati, saya tak berapa kisah lambat atau cepat saya memiliki anak. Sebab saya percaya Allah akan berikan yang terbaik bergantung apa yang kita perlukan, bukan apa yang kita hendak. Macam saya sendiri, saya masih terumbang ambing dalam karier dan study saya. Iya betul anak ni pembawa rezeki. Tapi selama yang kita belum kahwin tu, rezeki yang kita dapat siapa pula pembawanya, Allah juga kan? Rezeki makanan, rezeki pakaian, rezeki belajar, rezeki beli kereta pertama, semuanya dari Allah kan. Rezeki mendapat husband yang best pun dari Allah juga. Percaya tak, kita tertekan bukan sebab kita lambat mengandung, tapi sakit hati dengan mulut dan pandangan serong masyarakat Melayu sekeliling.


Dukacita saya hendak bercerita ini dengan komen dari Miracle of Qaseh, anak dijadikan alasan pasangan buat hal (dari entry ini). Bak kata Qaseh, anak bukan penentu kebahagiaan, walaupun anak-anak itu pengikat kasih. Saya ada makcik yang mempunyai 9 orang anak, tetapi husband dia madukan dia sebanyak tiga kali. Bila saya dan family datang, husband dia tak habis-habis ajak ayah saya kahwin 2,3. Tapi of course la ayah saya tak nak. Nak dikira husband makcik saya ni bukan ada duit sangat pun, dia sendiri mengaku masa dia nikah dengan bini kedua, dalam poket dia ada RM20 je. Makcik saya ni pula - wanita syurga gamaknya. Apa-apa hal, semuanya husband. Mak pernah cerita makcik saya ni masa belum pindah rumah sendiri, tak pernah turun dapur, sebab duduk dalam bilik 'layan' husband. Sampai anak kecik pertama menangis ketuk-ketuk pintu pun, mereka masih buat projek. Makcik saya ni memang la mudah beranak tak gitu 9 orang anak dia, 7 of them lelaki. Hiruk pikuk la keluarga kami mendengarkan husband dia ni kahwin lain sebab makcik saya ni jenis taat perintah suami. Semuanya suami. Tak balik kampung masa raya, sebab suami malas nak drive. Bila kami sefamily datang beraya, husband dia dok memperlekehkan makcik saya, yang katanya mulut busuk, badan busuk tak mandi, rambut busuk, perut buncit, kulit menggerutu. Kami tengok makcik saya ni tak pernah berhias untuk suami sebab husband dia langsung tak pernah bagi duit hatta untuk beli sebotol krim muka pun; dan dia mungkin yakin sangat yang dia tetap jadi pujaan husband seperti dulu-dulu. Anak-anak apa jadi? Most of them jadi drug addict.


Yang lagi satu adalah sepupu saya, cantik jelita. Sepupu saya ni kahwin dengan husband dia suka sama suka, berkenalan di politeknik. Baru setahun kerja, mereka berkahwin. Sepupu saya ni tak sampai setahun dah mengandung. Duduk di kota besar, menyewa di flat kecil itupun dah sewa RM400, nak bayar baby sitter lagi, bayar hutang kereta, bayar loan kahwin, bagi mak bapak,  kemudian masing-masing sambung degree sebab terasa hidup tak cukup dengan gaji sebegitu. Sambung belajar dengan harapan dapat naik pangkat dan naik gaji. Dengan tekanan-tekanan yang ada, masing-masing bergaduh bab duit, dicampur dengan cemburu buta bila husband menuduh sepupu saya ada affair dengan bos sebab asyik pergi outstation. Pernah tersilap cakap bila sepupu saya terlepas kata mereka tidur bilik asing-asing sebab dia malas nak 'layan' husband. Bercerai. So family semua marahkan sepupu saya. Kemudian, sepupu saya tinggal dengan mak ayah dia. Tinggal la husband di kota besar. Cuma pecah rahsia yang disimpan oleh sepupu saya : mereka memang hidup susah, dan dia sanggup sama-sama susah dengan husband dia, tapi bukan itu punca mereka bercerai. Mereka bercerai kerana kecurangan si suami yang membawa balik seorang perempuan bertaraf anak datuk di rumah mereka tatkala sepupu saya outstation. Perempuan itu dikenali semasa sama-sama dalam kelas degree yang saya cerita tadi.


Saya tertarik dengan entri dari Ectopy ni. Antara konsep rezeki dan bala. Kita boleh relatekan fenomena tsunami dengan dunia TTC kita. Masa sebelum tsunami, bukan main ikan dan hidupan laut lain tertonjol-tonjol. Kita pun ingat, wah, murah rezeki. Kayo pakcik!, tapi rupa-rupanya selepas itu datangnya tsunami yang hampir meranapkan kehidupan. Baca yang part last tu, kalau rezeki datang dulu disusuli dengan kesusahan, itu bukan rezeki itu bala. Tapi kalau kepayahan datang dulu kemudian disusuli dengan rezeki, barulah dinamakan ujian Tuhan.


Seronok tak wahai kawan-kawanku sekalian? Kita lambat dapat zuriat bukan sebab kita mandul, tapi sebab Allah nak beri kita yang terbaik. Apa yang kita lalui ini semua ujian dari Tuhan tanda sayangnya Dia pada kita. Apa yang kita perlu lakukan sekarang, dekatkan diri denganNya. Saya ada seorang kawan pangkat kakak, saya kenal dia di kampus tempat saya buat Master (dia tengah buat PhD) yang dah beranak pinak tapi dia sungguh sweet bila saya mengadu saya belum mengandung. Dia mesej saya "relaxlah yang, Allah nak suruh kamu berdua honeymoon lama sikit. Jangan risau lah. Yang penting jaga hubungan dengan Allah. Bila hubungan kita dengan Allah dijaga, InsyaAllah hubungan kita dengan orang lain pun akan terjaga. Bila hubungan kita dengan Allah dijaga, rezeki dan pertolongan Allah datang dalam pelbagai bentuk."


Saya sebenarnya nak menulis lagi tapi husband dah nak balik. Nanti saya sambung ya.