Friday, 23 November 2012

Affirmation and fertility boost



As I wrote here, our mind is closely related with our body health and state. Means, kalau kita nak nak jadi ibu, we should visualize the motherhood. Tapi susah kan nak imagine ada anak padahal belum ada anak. Jadi Visual Board or Vision Board sangat membantu untuk kita visualize. Selain daripada doa kepada Allah, salah satu cara untuk kita practice to boost fertility adalah by affirmation.

Dari pembacaan  I, affirmation ni adalah tool yang sangat berkuasa dalam positive thinking. Untuk memudahkan apprehension, I recommend to all of you download e-book/apps ke entah, tajuk dia "Affirmation: Using Affirmations for Success". Tak besar pun file tu. Kalau I rasa down, memang I akan baca e-book ni sebab ia summarize the techniques of affirmation. Memang banyak buku di luar sana yang tebal2 tapi this is the summarization yang kita boleh baca on-the-go dalam masa 30-ish minutes. Affirmation adalah statements yang we believe it is true, not we hope it is true or we wish it to be true. Contohnya kalau nak jadi kaya, kita patut buat affirmation "I am wealthy", bukan "I want to be wealthy", sebab otak akan mentafsirkan kita 'hendak' jadi kaya..Hendak je la, kayanya tidak. Ataupun "I will be a wealthy person"..Will kat situ maksudnya akan datang. akan datang tapi entah bila. But, macam dalam e-book ni cakap, postive thinking is the simplest thing but the hardest thing. Yelah, duit dalam tangan katalah tinggal RM200 je, tu nak kata kaya? haha..but, the idea is kita affirm with the universe we are wealthy and let the universe do all the actions. Itu dari segi wealthiness. Affirmation boleh diaplikasikan dalam semua aspek. Semua. Semua.


Saya ada google affirmation + fertility. Memang ramai sangat wanita yang dah bertahun2 mencuba with all drugs and treatments still tidak berjaya tetapi dengan mengamalkan affirmation ni, ramai yang berjaya. Ada yang sebulan cuba dah berjaya, ada yang 3,4 bulan cuba baru pregnant, ada juga yang saya baca sampai setahun lebih mengamalkan affirmation ni baru lah berjaya pregnant. Diingatkan affirmation & positive thinking tidak memberi hasil segera tapi it works. The point is, you must have faith. Kalau baca secara saintifik, rupanya bila kita adaptasi positive thinking with our life, ada hormon yang dirembeskan oleh badan kita yang merespon terhadap our thinking tadi. Kalau kita takut dengan kemiskinan, we keep thinking about it, we indirectly attract kemiskinan. So bila kita dah bersiap bagai nak rak, nak rebut tender (for example) atau nak dapat client, orang tengok kita macam tak berkenan je ataupun people assume us the least prospect sedangkan kita tahu we do our best.



Same goes to fertility, bila kita keep focusing on infertility, secara tak langsung badan kita merespon terhadap infertility sebab our hormone and receptor tak boleh bezakan yang mana satu yang kita hendak atau yang mana satu kita tak nak sebab dia cuma boleh receive vibration which is our thoughts. Our thoughts mesti come from our affirmation. Our affirmation and thoughts has become command to them. And that's why bila kita nak pregnant, kita mesti focus our thoughts, energy and focus to be a mother. Or act as if. That's why bila ada pasangan yang adopt anak angkat, mereka merasa gembira dan act as a real parent to the adopted child. Lepas tu, tup-tup the wife tu pregnant pulak. That's the yield of happiness (stress -free) dan action mereka as a parent. Tapi bukanlah suruh semua orang adopt, banyak lagi cara kita boleh buat affirmation macam ibu2 yang berjaya tu.


Bagaimana nak buat affirmation?

1) Ini pun melalui pembacaan jugak, tulis hari2 dalam phone ke (dalam protected diary ke, dalam password protected pad ke), dalam diary ke..Sebab memang susah kita nak tukar our thoughts. yelah dah bertahun2 menghadapi sindiran dan kata-kata orang, jadi kita merasa terdesak. Ha..perasaan terdesak dan perasaan 'need' tu pun adalah spoiler atau perosak kepada affirmation and vibration. Sebab bila kita rasa terdesak, thoughts and vibration bukan pada motherhood or pregnancy, tapi pada desperation. Nampak tak beza di situ? Sebab tu lah, kadang2 bila benda yang paling kita nak segera tak dapat, tapi bila  kita nak tanpa segera, eh muncul pulak. Balik semula pada asal, susah kita nak tukar mindsetting so ini cara paling senang (menulis) supaya our sub-consious mind dilatih untuk menerima our affirmations/vibes/thoughts. Contohlah kan, kalau kita nak train dog "Sit!". Hari2 kita kena train dia 'sit' baru dia faham. Tak boleh kalau kita cakap 'sit' sekali esok lusa dia faham terus sampai bila2..ini contoh analogy la..maksudnya kita kena menulis affirmation ni sampai ia implant in our mind and our subconsious mind. Macam yang kita tahu sub-concious mind adalah yang paling penting berbanding concious mind (boleh google kepoweran subconcious mind).

2) Bila bangun tidur, make sure dalam separa sedar kita implantkan our affirmation. Hm..bab ni I memang masih kalah, bila bangun tidur tengok perut kempis terus macam down cakap pada diri sendiri 'la..aku tak pregnant..kalau ada anak, mesti confirm terbangun sebab anak nangis nak nyusu..'..Inilah yang masih terimplant dalam kepala I bila I bangun tidur, which is the biggest mistake. I masih cuba nak implant new affirmation ni.  Dikatakan masa baru bangun tidur nilah our sub-concious mind berada dalam keadaan alpha yang bertindak lebih responsif terhadap our body.

3) I baca dalam buku mana entah, ia tertulis mengatakan kalau we want something, the best time untuk kita meditasi sambil affirmation adalah dalam pukul 4,5 pagi. Sebab vibrasi pada masa tu adalah yang paling kuat sekali, yang mana our body and universe will respond to the max. Tapi perasan tak, kita sebenarnya telah diberi peluang lebih baik oleh Allah. I think solat tahajud & solat hajat pada waktu tersebut sambil diiringi munajat kepada Allah adalah lebih baik dari meditasi. Don't you think so? SubhanAllah. My mum pernah buat,(tapi bukan minta anak) tapi dia minta rumah besar. Haha..Yelah, kami duduk at Klang Valley with high living cost, mak I langsung tak kerja, part time job pun takde, source of income ayah I sorang..and everyone looked down at us sebab kami beli makanan sikit2 je..Mak cerita dia teringin nak renovate rumah, sebab our home is corner lot boleh la nak renovate bagi besar. Dia kata dia bangun waktu2 tersebut, solat malam dan keluar rumah tadah tangan menuju langit mohon rumah kami turn into bungalow. Alhamdulillah, mudah sedara mara dan family datang bermalam dan berkumpul ramai2 berkenduri kendara di rumah kami. Ini bukan berlagak tau, I cuma terfikir yang mak selalu suruh kami bangun solat malam walaupun hanya tahajud 2 rakaat tapi malasnya yaAllah..


Banyak lagi tips untuk affirmation and positive thinking to boost fertility tapi kita sambung kemudian la ye..kalau ada rakan2 lain yang ada experience doing this, you are welcome to share them in the comment box, sama2 kita help each other..I sendiri pun baru nak practise religiously ni. My Vision Board pun most of them tak lengkap I simpan dalam phone.  I ada baca dari blog Jay tentang kejayaan dia pregnant dengan cara ini (one of the effort) dalam entri dia yang ini. Begitu juga dengan JD yang conceive naturally dan testimoninya tentang mind power tu. I wish she elaborate more on her methodologies in applying mind power with fertility. Dia ada suruh buat Vision Board as in my previous entry.  Lagi satu Ninie Ahmad the yoga guru yang juga pengamal affirmation. Dari blog dia, I baca some of her students yang TTC pun belajar affirmation dari dia and they got pregnant! Seronok kan..I ada baca juga ada woman yang tak ada uterus/tiub (tak sure la which one, tak ingat) dia tahu semua doktor kata she cannot be a mom, dan dia mengamalkan affirmation ni dan her baby is born healthily. I nak tanya jugalah pada TTC yang berjaya, what were you thinking before you get pregnant..or how you perceive yourself before you got pregnant? nak tahu la juga, kot2 ada tambahan yang boleh kita share sama2 dan boleh practice..



Ok contoh-contoh mudah affirmation yang boleh kita tiru adalah seperti berikut, I copy dari Natural-Health-For-Fertility. Boleh kalau nak pilih2 yang mana suka, yang mana sesuai dengan kita..


Affirmations for Physical Healing


Affirmations to Release Mental Blocks


Affirmations for Emotional Healing



Affirmations on Lifestyle Changes




Affirmation to Manifest a Baby

Affirmations for Fertility and Angel
 

Thursday, 22 November 2012

2 different stories






I will move back to Peninsula and so do my husband. A thousand blessing and indescribable, it happened unexpectedly and we are so grateful. Soon, we will saying goodbye to Borneo.


Story 1

There is a friend of ours, pengantin baru, bunting pelamin, yang nak tengok2 dan survey rumah yang kami sewa sekarang ni. Sebabnya rumah yang mereka duduki sekarang ini sangat kecik, mahal sewanya, siling rendah, tiada barrier antara living room dan sinki dapur, dan sangat panas. The wife ni masa pregnant 9 bulan ni dia sangat kepanasan duduk dalam rumah tu, sampai husbandnya belikan aircond. Tapi still no avail. Nak pindah rumah so bakal anak mereka tak la lemas kepanasan, according to them.  To cut the story short, they agreed to rent this house and they will move in by January 2013. I made some cake to serve them, because our home now is a mess, swamped with boxes. We chit-chatted little bit about neighbours, about home defects and so on.

I and the wife talked about her pregnancy, tunggu masa melahirkan. I rubbed her belly and said, "Oh your belly is cute, your body is not expanded much. It is a girl?"
"Yes, we did the scan and doctor confirmed it is a girl!"
 I rubbed her belly again, "And that's why your belly is cute. You are not fat either, and your face is not swollen much"
She smiled but her husband interuppted, "Alah banyak lemak tu!"
She stunned and making a face. I on the other hand suddenly possessed a mulut bertih Mak Joyah to cover the awkwardness. Her husband tasted the cake I made.
He said, "OMG this is so sweet. My tooth aches"
I replied, "Indeed, I want to clear out all of our food stocks so I pour all of the sweetener."
And both of them raised their arse to go back home, and the husband said, "Thanks for the cake. Manis sangat kek ni, macam orangnya".
I just want to shut him up, "Alah kan orang laki suka makan manis2.."

After they left, my husband repeated the saying, "manis macam orangnya.." to tease me.  I asked him if he is jealous about the 'sweet thingy', he admitted he is jealous and can't believe it happened. I asked him about the 'fat thingy (pasal lemak)', explained to him that I don't want him to hear that so that I become mulut bertih. He heard it all but pretended like he 's a deaf with a purpose not to humiliate the wife.


My husband wondered,"I don't know what is the feeling of his wife, heard his husband undermine her by saying about 'fat' in front of other woman, and to add the salt, her husband praise another woman in front of her. I can't imagine."

Me too. I can't imagine if my husband did so. So far Alhamdulillah husband never do that to me. If he don't satisfies with my appearance, he will inform me and tell me his opinion. I never receive any embarassing remarks from him in front of others.He is honest, he never like other man saying, "I'm okay if you fat, I accept you as the way you are"...No my husband not like that. He concerns on my appearance. He always sent me to spa or salon for facial, sauna or hair treatment. He willingly pull out any acne or blackhead if they appear on my skin..And the best thing, he promise to send me to slimming treatment to treat my 'spare tyre'  next month. OMG I can't believe this, this is the best anniversary gift. eh kantoi terpecah rahsia hadiah anniversary.kih kih.

If you wonder how his wife is look like, let me give the surface decription.
She is short, have dark skin and quite rotund.

But I still can't imagine how blatantly the husband made that kind of remarks. I still can't accept that kind of temerity. I may not a child-bearer for now but I'm blessed with a husband, a real husband.




Story 2

Remember this friend , Rui that I wrote here? That she always said that she want to introduce her children to me, or should I say she want to show off her offspring to me?

Um..actually she always wanna meet me. But I always make excuses. Frankly I don't want to see her. I choose not to meet her because I don't want to be hurt.

However, one day I have no excuse anymore. We made a deal that we will met at Starbucks. I arrived Starbucks but I didn't saw her, so I and husband decided to have a lunch at Kenny Rogers. She replied saying like she arrived at the mall. I texted her that I will joined her afterwards at Starbucks. After lunch, we waited for her for freaking fu*king 4 hours!

She called me then, and I asked her about her plan. She, as I expected, explained that she at the hotel and if I want to see her, I have to wait another extra hours at Starbucks or wait until her kids woke up from sleep. She whined, "Ada anak susah tau!"..(eleh macam kau sorang ada anak). Or I can met her at hotel.

I'm so furious but decided that is the last time I met her. Last time. No more.

I went to the hotel, and as expected she just want to show off to me that she is so rich and can afford to spend a big room to accomodate her kids and her maid. When she informed me the hotel name, I told her that I will met her there because I wanna go back home to pack our boxes. She asked me then, "Do you know this hotel?"
OMG do you think that I never can afford that kind of hotel room or I am so kuno never been to hotel..



I arrived there but husband still furious don't want to join me to meet her. She introduced her kids, her husband and her maid to me. Okay. And then what? She said she want to know updates from me and asked about some of my friends.  Yeah there are my friends who still single and still childless, but when I told her about that, she made the frowing and annoying face that I cannot imagine, make me want to puke!
"You rent a flat or terrace house?"
"You come here by car or motorcycle?"
"What car did you bought?"
"How much salary do you earn here?"
"Why you want to go back to Peninsula?"
"Why you still have no kids?"


What kind of questions are that? You brag on your perfect life but sorry I don't respect you at all. In fact, I looked down to your lack of communication skills. Your conversation topics and questions are shallow.


So I asked her about her updates, and as I expecting, she just want to show off her offspring.

We took some photos and she said like this,
"Bang, could you please take our photos."
"Dear, boleh kah my kids bergambar sekali?". So I took her kids on my lap.
She said,"Ambil gambar cantik2 ya bang, biar dia tengok kat rumah nanti dia jeles kita ada dua orang anak dia tak ada. Biar dia tunjuk pada husband dia, biar dia & husband dia jeles."

Memang aku rasa nak campak je anak kau dari peha aku!




Mode : menyampah dan marah
 

Friday, 9 November 2012

Memahamkan ibu bahawa kita ini 'lain'.





**Cerita lama. Tapi kesannya mak I dah kurang sikit 'kebisingan'nya pasal I belum ada anak

Masa Raya hari tu, family saya  dan kami suami isteri pergi rumah sepupu mak. Sampai2, terus sepupu mak tu tanya "Tak beranak lagi?"
Saya jawab "Tak ada".
Dia tunjuk anak lelaki dia (nama samaran : Abang Lan) , "Ha...nanti kau jadi macam dia tu haaa.."
Abang Lan jawab dengan lemahnya, "Belum rezeki lagi....."


Isteri abang tu kat belakang, langsung tak ke depan salam kami. Then makcik tu cakap dengan kami, "Isteri dia tu (dia: anak lelaki dia) jenis tak mesra dengan orang." Mak sambut, "Tak apa la.."


Sampai di meja makan, makcik tu sambung lagi, "Tu lah, dah suruh ambil anak angkat, dia tak mahu.."
Mak jawab, "Ye la kak, anak angkat ni bila dah besar problem aurat.."
Makcik tu tak setuju,"Alah..susukan la..jadi anak susuan.."
Mak sambut lagi, "Kadang-kadang kasihnya tak sama, kalau anak angkat tu buat hal, mak bapak angkat terlepas cakap kasar..maklumlah anak angkat.."
Makcik tu sambung lagi, "Dah jumpa doktor, dua-dua tak ada problem. Dah 15 tahun kawin tu. Anak engkau ni dah berapa tahun kawin (i la tu)?"
Mak jawab, "Dah 2 tahun lebih.."
Makcik tu, "Anak si Timah (bukan nama sebenar) tu sama kawin dengan dia (tunjuk i) dah dua anaknya."


Semua terus makan..Malas nak layan.


Kemudian I pergi depan. Mak dan sepupu kepochinya tu berborak berdua. Balik.


Dalam kereta, mak mengadu (hasil dari perbualan mereka), rupanya2 adik beradik dan sepupu sepapat mereka (duduk dekat2), mostly semuanya mengalami kematian anak- ada yang eksiden, ada yang sakit, ada yang demam sehari terus masuk wad dan meninggal, ada yang mati dalam tidur, ada yang lari langsung tak balik2, etc


Saya yang masih marah dengan makcik kepochi tu terus cakap,
"Hah tu la, agaknya masing2 semua pernah mengata abang Lan dah 15 tahun kawin tak beranak, Tuhan ambil anak diorang masing2!. Cerita pergi Mekah berdegar2, tudung labuh macam Batman, tapi mulut hanyir!Cash Tuhan bagi!"



Mak terdiam. Semua terdiam dalam kereta. Mak sambung dengan lemahnya, "ye la agaknya la kot.."


Ayah nak neutralkan keadaan, dia buat statement, "Si Lan tu badannya besar ya, macam Hulk Hogan. Dulu kecik je dia."


Mak gelak2, sambut "Iya kan bang..dulu kecik, sekarang besar betul badan dia.."


Saya menjawab lagi, "Mak ayah ingat, badan Abang Lan tu besar dia makan banyak ke? Entah-entah dia telan pil doktor (i maksudkan pil kesuburan) mana kita tahu. Orang mengata macam-macam, yang sengsara orang macam kami la. Ingat isteri Abang Lan tu tak mesra sebab dia sombong ke? Dia segan dan malu tau, orang asyik tanya pasal dia tak beranak, terus dia malas jumpa orang..Telan pil kesuburan ni buat badan naik tahu tak? Mak tahu tak Aunty Minah (bukan nama sebenar, isteri adik mak) tu gemuk sebab dia telan pil doktor nak anak? Dia cerita sendiri dengan saya tahu! 13 tahun nak dapat anak kedua dia tu, dah macam2 benda dia telan, mak dengan adik beradik mak bukan tahu, tahu mengata dia gemuk je.."


Mak terkejut. "makan pil doktor tu badan naik ye..? Oh ye ke..la mak tak tahu..patutlah badan kau naik mendadak.."


"Yelah! Takkan semua usaha nak cerita kat orang. Mengada lah semua benda nak cerita kat orang."


Ayah diam je, dan mak sambung lagi, "hm...tak payah la kau makan pil2 doktor tu lagi, anggap je la belum rezeki..kalau yang tradisional tak ada ke?"

"Ada, tu la yang saya tengah usaha sekarang. Tapi takkan nak cerita. Mak pun jangan la tiap kali saya cerita pada mak, mak pergi tepon semua adik beradik mak, cerita kat kawan-kawan surau mak..Saya boleh terima, tapi suami saya belum tentu dia terima.."

Husband menyampuk, "Mulut orang kan..belum kawen bising anak dara tak laku, dah kawen bising pasal anak.."

I sambung, "Huh, mak puji la sepupu mak tu, saya tetap tak suka dia..!"

Mak pertahankan sepupu dia, "La..apesal pulak..dia bukan kata kau je, dia mengata anak dia jugak.."

I lawan lagi, "Sebab Abang Lan tu anak yang baik la Abang Lan dengan bini dia tu sanggup berulang dari rumah sepupu mak tu ke tempat kerja dia (rumah ke tempat kerja ambil masa sejam, sebab Abang Lan ni nak jaga mak dia, padahal Abang ni dah ada rumah sendiri yg dekat dengan tempat kerja dia), kalau anak lain yang kecik hati dengan mulut mak dia, dah lama agaknya sepupu mak tu kebulur sorang2 dalam rumah dia."


Terdiam. Sampai terlelap. Tau2 dah sampai rumah.


Rasanya ni lah I kali pertama macam melawan dan tinggi suara pada mereka. selalunya, I just like "ala mak.." or "ye la mak.." or "mak tak faham...".. Hasilnya, mereka dah faham.Faham yang jalan hidup kami tak serupa dengan pasangan lain. Faham yang bahawasanya perkara ini jangan digelak-gelakkan, jangan dihina-hinakan, jangan dipertikaikan, dan lebih baik tak payah cakap apa-apa pun lagi bagus..

Friday, 2 November 2012

Marie Antionette and 7-years childless marriage

 
 
Marie-Antoinette: This is ridiculous.
Comtesse de Noailles: This, Madame, is Versailles
-from Marie Antoinette (2006)


I re-watched the Marie Antoinette film starring by Kirsten Dunst last week . I love to watch the extravagance and opulent film like this just to see what kind of shoes and dresses the actors wore or just to enjoy the luxurious decoration and embroideries of their fabrics. I cannot help myself love the period film. Marie Antoinette is a princess from Austria and marrying Louis XVI from France as to promote alliance between these two countries. Both of them got married in 15 and 16 years old, respectively.

[picture source]


I love Marie Antoinette because of her fascinating stories, which you can read everywhere online. But what is intriguing me is she suffers of 7 years childless marriage. Marie Antoinette marrying Louis which was the heir of the throne. Louis also has a married brother. Both Marie Antoinette and Louis has not consummated their marriage until 7 years. To cut the story short, Louis cannot penetrated due to the phimosis. Marie Antoinette was facing depression because she had no signs of pregnancy and futhermore, her own mother from Austria kept blaming her for inability to charm her own husband. There are other speculations and theories but it all agreed (based on the letters, doctor's diagnosis and meeting with elder brother of Marie Antoinette) that both of them are healthy and no infertility problem but they are just too shy (due to their young age) and ignorance. Of phimosis, Louis has been consulted to do operation but he was too afraid to go under the needle.



Her husband (Louis) on the other hand, kept busying himself with hunting and making keys.
She told her husband (more or less like this)- I hope we can have our own child because if your brother have a child first, I will be embarassed in this palace and in the court. To much to her despair, Louis brother's wife gave birth of a son. She and the whole royal family celebrated the arrival of the baby but secretly, she cringed in agony. Moreover, she was bombarded with insultation like 'You are barren' and 'When you will produce heir?'


[picture source]

Marie Antoinette was so frustated with her dull duties and ridiculous customs, she befriend with the Yolande de Polignac although she has been advised and been warned that Yolande de Polignac can harmed her reputation. She said, however, the Duchess made her happy. She also involved in gambling, lavish partying, sneaking out at midnight, went to army ball, being gastronomics, and ordered a lot of lavish dresses, hats, wigs and shoes.
 


[picture source]




Her elder brother coming to visit her and consult with Louis on their marriage. And after that, he agreed to have operation on treating his phimosis. Soon after that, Marie Antoinette has gave birth of a beautiful daughter Marie Theresa Charlotte. She told her daughter, "Oh, you were not what was desired, but that makes you no less dear to me. A boy would have been the Son of France, but you, Marie Thérèse, shall be mine.". .To note, she gave birth of four children (2 sons and 2 daughters).



I reckon this is the best site to read the biography of Marie Antoinette. She is an ill-fate queen, treated unjustly, a black sheep for political alliance and been punished by the French Revolution appallingly.

Thursday, 1 November 2012

Stand

 
 
I’ll hold on (stand)
I’ll be strong (stand)
God will step in (stand)
And it won't be long (you just)
- Stand, by Katherine McPhee and Leslie Osdoom in Smash (Episode: Preview)
Originally preformed by Donnie McClurkin
 
 
 
 
I've watched the re-run of Smash at Diva 702 last night.And the song that captured my attention is this song, which I thought is closely related with our journey. God has a plan, God will step in and it won't be long. InsyaAllah.
 





What do you do when you've done all you can and it seems like you can't make it through?
And what do you say when your friends turn away, and you're all alone?


Tell me, what do you give then you've given your all, and it seems like you can't make it through? Well you just stand when there's nothing left to do


You just stand Watch the lord see you through
Yes after you've done all you can, You just stand


Tell me what do you do when you've given your all
And it seems, it seems like You can't make it through?
Well, you just stand, when there's nothing left to do


You just stand Watch the Lord see you through
Yes, after you've done all you can You just stand.


Stand and be sure Be not entangled in that bondage again
You just stand and endure. God has a purpose. God has a plan.


Tell me what do you do when you've done all you can and it seems like you can't make it through? Child you just stand
Through the storm (stand),
Stand through the rain (stand)
Through the hurt (stand),
Stand through the pain (you just)


I’ll hold on (stand)
I’ll be strong (stand)
God will step in (stand),
And it won't be long (you just)


After you done all you can you just stand


Credit to: Youtube and AZLyrics

Wednesday, 24 October 2012

Review Filem - What To Expect When You're Expecting




"You pee on a stick. It's pretty idiot proof."
What to Expect When You're Expecting




I swore before that I don't want to watch this movie, let alone read the book. The film released months ago, but only have guts to watch this yesterday.
 
This  movie is basically translated from the best-selling pregnancy guide with the same title. Actually I wanna see Cameron Diaz with a bump and Anna Kendrick (yang jadi friend of Bella Swan dalam Twilight) and Chace Crawford (yang jadi Nate in Gossip Girl). It potrays the 5 couples whose facing the ups and downs of become parents yang melalui pengalaman yang berbeza.
 
Cameron Diaz, a TV fitness guru dating Matthew Morrison (yang jadi Schuester dalam Glee), (I tak ingat nama watak mereka dalam filem) seorang produser and penerbit TV dance show. Mereka berdating semasa menari bersama dalam rancangan Celebrity Dance show di mana mereka berjaya menjadi juara. Masa terima trophy, Cameron Diaz tak tahan morning sickness terus muntah dalam piala tu masa siaran langsung. Lucu.
 
Another couple is Jennifer Lopez seorang freelance professional photographer, focusing on maternity and newborn photoshoot , sudah berkahwin , yang berusaha untuk mengambil anak angkat dari Ethiopia. Dijangkakan proses adoption take a year but they manage to have the adoption lebih awal and this scare her husband. Jennifer Lopez always asked her husband to join the father's playdate. Dia telah menghabiskan sebanyak 401K untuk IVF and have a bad quality egg.
 
Another couple is Elizabeth Banks yang TTC for 2 years, she is a breastfeeding author babyhood businesswoman. Dikurnikan seorang suami yang sangat penyayang. Masa mengetahui dirinya hamil, dia sangat gembira dan mereka berdua berjumpa dengan ayah suaminya to declare the news. Ayah suaminya adalah seorang yang sangat kaya dan mempunyai isteri muda yang lebih muda dari Elizabeth Banks.
 
The other couple is ayah mertua Elizabeth Banks(tak ingat nama dia, but starred by Dannis Quaid) dan isteri mudanya. Masa Elizabeth Banks dan suaminya declaring the great news, ayahnya yang dah tua dan isteri muda itu pun turut memberitahu khabar gembira dengan kehamilan kembar.  The father is potrayed to be a competitive even to his own son and this make the Elizabeth Banks and her husband cringed.
 
Another couple is yang sangat muda, Anna Kendrick dan Chance Crawford yang one night stand but Anna Kendrick found out she is pregnant. Chace took the responsibility. However, masa tengah tidur, Anna Kendrick mengalami keguguran. Sejak dari itu, Anna Kendrick said to Chace, "Congratz, now you are off from the hook"
 
 



Some of interesting scenes:

  • Cameron Diaz terlalu suka research about everything hatta untuk decision for curcimcise the baby. Dia dan boyfriendnya argue on everything about their babies.
  • I rasa annoyed dengan babak Dannis Quaid (orang tua tu, bapa mertua Elizabeth Banks) dengan isteri mudanya yang buat lakonan depan anak menantunya dah TTC for 2 years- lakonan tu menunjukkan dia sharp shooter 'bang, bang!'..then the wife hembus the pistol jari husband dia like Bond Girl. Ceh!..
  • Suka sangat babak Elizabeth Banks yang mengalami alahan teruk, mood swings dan pregnancy hormones yang menggila. Lebih stress, bila dia tengok ibu mertua dia yang mengandung kembar tu adalah sangat glowing, pakai heels,no cellulite and sangat cantik. And their plan to have the Mini Cooper theme for baby shower pun telah 'dicuri' oleh ibu mertuanya tanpa sedar dengan invitation cards yang lebih extravagance. Masa dia dijemput untuk beri talks di satu expo dia tanpa segan silu mengakui yang dia inginkan pregnancy glow like in magazine. I just wanted the glow. The one that they promise you on the cover of those magazines. She said, "Well, I'm calling it - pregnancy sucks. Making a human being is really hard. I have no control over my body or my emotions". The talks however telah direkodkan dan disiar di YouTube dan ditonton rampantly. Dia sangat takut kalau video itu menjunamkan businessnya tapi husbandnya sangat darling dan it turn out semua wanita menyukai video itu kerana menonjolkan sisi faktual kepada pregnancy dan serta merta menjadi selebriti kegemaran ramai.
  • I suka juga babak di mana Jennifer Lopez dan suaminya pergi ke Ethiopia bersama-sama pasangan lain untuk adoption. Mereka membuat ikrar janji untuk menyayangi anak tersebut dan mungkin sebab Jennifer Lopes herself is a mom, lakonannya menjadi ibu penyayang sangatlah berkesan. Sebelum itu, dia hilang pekerjaan dan there was also a rigmarole dari pihak adption yang terpaksa dilalui oleh mereka.
  • Masa bersalin, 3 of the couple bersalin di hospital yang sama. Cameron Diaz beranak normal tapi agak susah sedikit namun berjaya melahirkan anaknya dan terus boyfriendnya propose. Elizabeth Banks mulanya tak mahu epidural tapi kesakitannya menyebabkan dia beralah kepada epidural dan terpaksa dibedah walaupun Elizabeth Banks mempunyai rancangan bersalinnya sendiri. Pendek kata, dia dah plan semua. Ibu mertuanya pula langsung tak merasa sakit nak bersalin siap boleh gelak2 lagi dengan husband tua dia. Masa nak beranak kembar tu, dia teran2 then dia rasa nak bersin, masa bersin terus terkeluar anak pertama. Masa ni memang I gelak2.
  • I tak suka statement dari playdate bapa2 tu pada suami Jennifer Lopez, husband dia ni macam buntu samada being a father is a good decision tapi bapa2 tu judge dia  by saying "you are on the other side." ..Oh I terasa sebab ada juga orang cakap macam tu pada I. Lantak.
  • Anna Kendrick and Chace Crawford pula have a formal date to continue their relationship. Elizabeth Banks yang nak pregnancy glow sebelum tu, masa baby dia lahir, she said, "this is actually my glow..".

I like this film, tapi tahan je la dengan baby-craze world. Anyhow, ia menunjukkan the different journey of parenthood and it is a very good movie dengan lakonan mantap dari semua pelakon. More info: IMDb

Tuesday, 23 October 2012

STFU Parents

 
Yes, having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit. ~Bill Cosby, Fatherhood




I'm not an ambassador for this blog, but if you have free time, please do click the link of STFU Parents.



I forgot the link but I read an article of oversharing among parents in social network which closely related with this blog. The author of the article said that the sharing and oversharing is different but there is a very thin line between sharing and oversharing. I stumbled upon this blog last year but not read it religiously . However in recent months the blogger caught the media attention.


To note, this blog is not another chidlfree blog but it focusing on the trends among parents who over-share everything about parenthood (including the gross one). The blogger is not a mom but she want to be one in the future.


I can never read all entries but this blog is amusing and entertaining. I think that it can become a guide for parents on what to share and what not in social networking sites. I hope the parents do not feel offended by the blog because I, the non-mommy also feel that the child-craze world today is too much.  I cannot escape being jugdmental when I saw posts from parents in Facebook/Twitter that said like "My mom is beautiful" or "I cannot accept when people not compliment my child".  I have nieces and nephews from husband's side but I think I am an unfriendly aunt. I never coax them if they crying and leave them when they fighting over toys. I know that it is unnatural when I can see faces of my brother or sister in law, which express somewhat like 'Why-never-offer-help' or  'No-motherhood-instinct' look to me but I brush it off by giving 'It's-not-my-child,-they-are-yours' look.


I think the non-mommies like us will have this feeling but we try to think that the oversharing things is a norm. At least we try to. At least I do. But thank God I found another girl feel the same thing, and defend her views.I wish I can buy the blook too.  It also a guide to us ,the non-mommies, if we pregnant in the future and become a parent, we should know to filter our thoughts and excitement of parenthood in cyberspace.

Monday, 22 October 2012

Of seeking new employment, relocation and period

 
 
Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson



Long hiatus, I'm swamped with work and studies. Talking about work, my contract will be ended in this November. In fact, I finished all my work last week. I think I need a new job, and considering of relocation. I want to leave Borneo and come back to my hometown in Klang Valley. Borneo is not kind to me, I earn money on-contract basis (let say it is company B) and I never get a permanent job here. I used to be recommended by my head department to work permanently , and I did attended the interview but there is a human resource policy here stated that if the position can be fulfilled by locals, with the same/less qualification, the locals will be given priority.


Last year, I worked at government organization (which I found a lot of inconsiderate breeders - biasalah organisasi Melayu - note: generalization, forgive me)(let say it is company A) also based on contract basis and was given another contract to continue the service this year but I turned down the offer, as there is no guarantee that I will be absorped and the contract stated that they can terminate me anytime with 7 days notice. I managed to get another job in the same field but working in very flexible hours and thought of being permanent here (in company B) but my rezeki is not meant to be here. And that's why sometimes I don't mind being childfree because I know that I'm not stable financially, let alone having medical insurance. I have intention that if I can get a secure job (I don't mind if it is a private or public sector), I have some money to save and keep aside for the baby if I'm pregnant. But for now, I am just a penniless housewife and sometimes I'm grateful that I'm childfree. I cannot think or imagine if I have child right now with my unstable financial security. Husband on the other hand, is making money here and I asked permission if we can have long-distance relationship because our situation now is unfair (at least to me).  Husband gave permission and he did a drastic move by applying for transfer. We don't know if the application is successful because it is entirely depend on luck and rezeki. I say it is drastic because we planned to live here about 6 to 7 years. But I don't know that it is very hard to me to find a job here despite my expertise is very needed (based on the statistic and industry liason info).Because of my current situation, I'm not doing any treatment nor buy any supplement (except buying the cheap stuff like SK Al-Khishbun).I also have debt with university as studies fees are completely on my shoulder (and husband..hihi) and also debt (in terms of time) with my supervisor, as I see her seldomly, which is not good for the evaluation and my thesis progress. It has been 3 years I live in Borneo and I cannot tolerate with this anymore.


Those are the disadvantages of living in Borneo but there are some wonderful things that I should state here.Since we are far from relatives and friends, we are not bombarded by the inconsiderate questions and nasty remarks consistently.There are questions but we still can manage it.  The wedding inivitation? We cannot attend. Tiket flight mahal ma..The kenduris and feast? Cannot attend. Our neighbours are Ibanese and Chinese so we just mind our own business, no hatred and anger. My rented home here is a terrace hence I don't have any complaint over the landlord nor any house defects. People like family and friends not judging our lifestyle and our life because we are very far from them. They even don't know what type of car we used, or what kind of home we live and how much we earned every month or what kind of lauk we eat everyday. No information on that, and besides we don't like parading our life in social network. Some relatives, family and friends said they want to visit us here and I welcomed that but the fact that the flight ticket consumed their wallets diminishing the intention. Only close family did visit us here. In fact, I feel so calm here, so peaceful. But then there is a price to pay. I lose my job. I used to have a well paid job but I quitted so that I can follow my husband, and now I'm regret.I have to go back to re-establish my career. I want to save as much as possible for retirement. I don't know if I will have a child or not but I don't want to be chased out from my own home.  It's not that I can't depend on husband, but I have my own dreams and wishes. I cannot burden everything solely to husband, he doing his best and am so grateful to have husband like him.

Credit to: US Daily Review


I don't mean to complain or rant about my life, only there is in need of change. And the first move is seeking new employment. I had applying job at countless departments for last 6 months and I never got a call for interview. Maybe the marital status and age playing the key factors. For qualification, I believe I have a quite impressive resume (not meant to boast ma..), but the limited industrial experience (I only involve in education field- mostly in IPTS) and short time of employment (less than 2 years each) at every workplace become an impediment for employer to hire me.



Update on my period:
Hehe benda dalam seluar pun nak cerita, but I'm quite concern with my cycle. This month is the third time my aunt flow not coming punctually. I had a textbook cycle like 28 or 30 days, but in the third year of marriage, my cycle ditch the textbook cycle.

August - 1st
September - 8th
October - 13th

I asked husband if he loves with my new long cycle- "Boleh kita romen lama sikit" I said to him, but he in contrast worry on my condition because menstruation can be a detector of other abnormality. I'll wait for next month if the the cycle is not back to normal, I will see Dr.Lee.


I relate my menstruation cycle with stress. It is true that I'm stress about my career, my study and job. Did you remember about my salivary gland block that in need of operation last year? (link,link, link)  Actually the last Raya Haji the lump is gone. And my jaw and neck come back to normal V shape.  But last Raya Aidilfitri, I saw that my jaw come back to U shape, like a double chin. I asked husband about this and we agreed to delay the treatment until next year.


Again, I relate this abnormality with stress. Last year, it appear because I was stress with co-workers (in company A) who always made remarks and asking stupid question on my fertility. It gone after I turned down the offer to continue the contract. But this time, I agitate on my career and studies.
What I'm doing right now is try to de-stress, and that include believe in rezeki, being grateful person, and try hard to focus on thesis so that I can forget other things.


Will write more later.

Monday, 24 September 2012

An Attempt : I Failed

Hello Monday !


I have times to blogwalk and I read this post from Eyza on SK Al-Khishbun. I bought this product in last Ramadan and kept it in my storage without trying it!


I bought it from Ina Haireina blog and it arrived a week before Raya which I'm in the menstruation. So kept it and promised to myself - I'm gonna try this after Raya. However a week after Raya, I got my menstruation back. The 10-days menstruation surely would made I forgot everything including my ovulation days and of course this product. It popped in my mind after I read Eyza's post.


Last night, I poured the warm water for two and mixed it with the SK Al-Khishbun. My husband tried it first and I saw he was not comfortable with this product. I saw he had to stop a minute before he can finished the whole glass by pinching his nose. My husband, as I knew him, can drink and eat everything. Bak kata orang Melayu, tolak batu kayu sahaja. He told me that he's not used to this taste and swallowed the liquid for second sip without even tasted it. I asked husband how it is taste? Husband jokes, "Kalau bukan pahit, bukanlah ubat namanya.." (mocking Hamid Gurkha the comedian in advertisement, with exact tone and ryhthm!)


I 'm almost cried. Because I'm a reverse of my husband, I am bit choosy about food and drink, I never tried to taste the cultural food, I even don't care if my friends offended when I refused to try when they offered me a Javanese food -Burasak, I threw the out the sireh when my mum asked to swallow the sireh with the supertition belief to expedite my jodoh (as if), and I separated the unfavourite veggies in my fried meehoon at the very corner of the plate, religiously..

 
My husband asked me to drink it, but I just too scared. I sipped it thrice while watching TVand it doesn't taste horrible. But I cannot bear the taste actually, the odour in my mouth is just too hard too smell. I cannot finished my drink and kept it in refrigerator.






My honest evaluation after first try:
1) This product is not taste horrible. I may exaggerating here but it is better than rempah kayu/chinese herbs/manjakani/whatever jamu. It is drink-able. It just not suit with me,  I don't like milk and only buy milk for my cereal for breakfast.

2) We both belched (sendawa) 2,3 times right after we drink this.

3) The odour after the belch and after drink - I cannot tolerate it. The odour is too strong. But still, this product is far better than other herbs or traditional spices for fertility purpose. It just me and husband are too spoilt. Haha..

4) Errr..I'm thinking to ditch this product (or re-sell it). For the current, I only stick to buah zuriat, ditch fast food, diet, wearing corset, and husband asked me to download some dancing video like Oppa Gangnam Style and Om Shanti Om dance so that we can dance and sweating together every weekend. For me, I love cha cha dance.

Again, this is only my opinion. It may different from you. I'm not trying to demotivate others who intend to buy this product, because there are a lot of people out there are successfully pregnant with this product (with Allah's consent and permittance). It just I'm not suit with it. Maybe in the future I'll try it again and it taste ok-- I don't know.



It's not too late to congratulate the other bloggers for their success: Jay, Reen, NiaZara, and Neena. All of you - Alhamdulillah and Congratulation. All of you made me realized that there is nothing impossible in this world. We can control our life, and it depends on our choice. People can say everything and judge mindlessly but our life is not depend on them. All of you also taught that the patience, putting numerous effort, tawakal, redha are very important to live our life. Our life are so different but we want to achieve something in this world with our own standard.
 

Monday, 10 September 2012

Cerita pasal raya dan lain-lain walaupun dah nak habis raya tak peduli nak tulis juga



Nota awalan:
Tak baca pun tak apa sebab luahan hati penulis semata-mata, lebih-lebih lagi emosi penulis tak menentu sebab tengah period pain tapi nak jugak mengadap blog. Jadi mungkin menyentuh sensitiviti dan diasgreement walaupun itu bukan kehendak penulis. Patutnya benda-benda di bawah ni tak payah tulis dalam blog pun tak apa, tapi nak buat macamana blog ni dah jadi my solitude.. Sekian.


Perkembangan diri dan usaha-usaha terkini:

1) Last week I pergi berurut. Dah 2 tahun tak berurut, so kali ni I pergi juga dengan makcik urut yang sama. Puncanya sebab badan rasa letih, bisa-bisa dan kalau buat kerja lebih sikit letih yang teramat sangat, contohnya masak 2 jenis lauk je, tapi tidur sampai 6 jam. Masa berurut tu, makcik berurut sendawa angin tak berhenti-henti, dah macam bunyi muntah. Agaknya kalau angin yang dia sendawa tu betul-betul jadi muntah, Badang si pemakan muntah mesti gembira. Tapi I la yang malu sebab makcik tu baru sentuh dahi I dengan jari telunjuk dia, dia dah sendawa. Tapi dia tak kata apa-apa la. Cuma dia buat urutan 'sengkak rahim' tu..sakit. tapi makcik tu suruh I lembutkan badan.


2) My last period datang lewat kan, dalam 5 hari lewat macam tu. Kali ni, dia lewat 12 hari. Lewat sangat-sangat sampai sempat juga lah ganti puasa selama 4 hari, tapi tak cukup lagi 2 hari nak jadikan puasa 6. I think my cycle dah jadi panjang. I tak tahu apa beza pemakanan I terhadap my period. Masa anak dara dulu cantik-cantik 28 days, kemudian dah kawin tahun 1 dan tahun 2 dia jadi 30 days, then masa nak masuk tahun ketiga dia jadi 32 days, last month jadi 34 days. Lewat 12 hari tu I langsung tak ada perasaan, confirm tak mengandung, I beli UPT yang murah gila tu 2 batang pun negatif so bila dia dah datang tu leganya rasa.. Murah sangat UPT tu yang tahap nak tunggu result betul pun take about setengah jam.


3) My weight - masa anak dara maintain 45kg, masa nak kawin gembira sangat jadi 49kg , and sekarang almost 3 years kawin lebih2 lagi masa raya haritu berat badan I mencecah 58kg. Sedih tak usah cakap. I tak berapa kisah dengan berat badan sebab I tinggi and most people compliments me kata I glowing and radiant sebab my pipi jadi tembam and I not look like a walking skeleton. Cuma my problem here is my muffin top. Perut memboyak. Seolah2 semua lemak yang I makan tertumpu di situ. My fault juga la sebab bila I pindah Borneo I tak lalu nak makan makanan mereka so I asyik cari baking foods, masa 1st year kawin, tiap-tiap hari I minta pada husband a slice of cake from Secret Recipe as minum petang.Bila tersedar this muffin top ni expanding, I stop la. Masa awal puasa haritu my perut kempis, and my husband and I punyalah happy. Tengah2 puasa datang bulan so I makan sepuas2nya, baking cake and tried new recipes  and the habit tu continued walaupun dah stop period. Buka puasa I makan 2 juadah instead of 1, belum masuk sahur.Hasilnya, bila Raya semua kata I gemuk macam orang pregnant.



Cerita Raya pulak:

1) Masa balik rumah family, of course la semua kata I gemuk. My mum lagi lah, langsung tak ada perkataan baik yang diucapkan kepada anak perempuan dia ni. Senang cerita I and my mum not in a good terms sejak kecil lagi, orang lain ucap Happy Mothers Day to their mothers, I texting her je buat berbudi bahasa. Malam baru sampai, pagi tu I ingat nak mengadu la hal I, dia terus sembur kata badan I naik sebab I hidup bermewah2, tak macam my cousins dan anak2 kawan2 dia yang slim hidup berjimat cermat sebab beranak pinak dan kumpul aset, tak la buang duit melancong sana sini macam kami.So, I think tak payah la mengadu apa-apa. Dengar aje lah dia membebel.. Takut jadi anak derhaka pulak.

Masa nak sembahyang Raya, dia macam nak suruh I pergi ke tempat biasa dia sembahyang, tapi I and husband dah lambat, so kami ikut adik pergi solat tempat lain (situ banyak masjid berdekatan). Mum macam geram sebab I tak ikut dia. Alahai...sebenarnya I nak mengelak dari jumpa kawan2 dia yang mulutnya berpuaka. Sindiran mereka lebih tajam.

One of them pernah tanya my mum, "Kenapa B&C tu tak mengandung, kan duduk berasing (duduk menyewa sendiri) tak la malu nak buat, lainlah macam anak aku duduk sama (anak dia & husband duduk sama dengan parents), malu nak buat.."
My mum balas la, "ooh..aku dengan laki aku tidur sekatil dapat 3 ekor je (my siblings 3 orang je), lainlah macam kau tidur asing2 dengan laki kau keluar 7 (makcik tu tidur asing dengan suami dia)..lagipun takkanlah anak kau nak cerita berapa kali dia buat dengan laki dia dengan kau.."
Malu gila makcik tu sebab dia tanya kuat2 satu surau boleh dengar, my mum pun jawab kuat2 jugak..And my jiran tu pun sokong my mum sebab dia ada 2 orang anak je..Malu gila makcik tu. Haha padan muka dia.

Actually anak makcik tu used to be my friends masa primary school. Dia kawin lebih kurang je dengan I, and sekarang dah masuk 2 pun anak dia..Masa anak dia baru lahir, kalau ikutkan hati I, nak je I pay a visit to her and cakap dengan makcik tu, "oo..inilah hasil yang malu-malu tu ya...?"..Tapi itu tinggal imaginasi je la..haha


Masa raya, I memang berhajat nak fight my own fear dengan pergi rumah sedara mara dan balik kampung. So petang tu balik kampung, Alhamdulillah my family pakcik makcik semuanya tak ada pun yang tanya dan bising pasal I tak mengandung.Yang bising my mum. Sampai pakcik I (dia pernah tunggu 13 tahun utk dapat 2nd child) cakap suruh sabar. Yang pakcik lagi sorang (menantu dia pun dah almost 5,6 years belum punya anak) dia diam je and tak layan pun my mum bising. Ada lagi sorang makcik (yang langsung tak beranak) dia pun just suruh berusaha je. Orang lain cool je, my mum yang bising2.

Even when we arrived rumah sedara mara, they welcomed us dan made remarks like kami ni newly weds, but my mum pulak betulkan, "dah lama dah kawinnya ni, beranaknya tidak.."..Aduhai..spoil mood betul la..


Then, kami pergi satu rumah keluarga besar. Then, ada budak baru 8 bulan sangat2 la comel dan menarik hati dan tak kisah dipegang2 orang pula tu. Then, my mum ni suruh I pegang budak tu ambil berkat, cakap kuat2 pulak tu. Then I cakap,"Tak nak la, sebab kalau saya pegang budak mesti budak tu nangis.."..Then, my mum ambil budak tu dan letak atas riba I then I pegang budak tu, and cakap "Eh, baguslah budak ni, tak nangis, selalunya kan semua budak tak suka saya.."..My mum cakap "ha..tak lama lagi ada la tu.."..dalam beberapa saat je I pegang budak tu, then I pass pada husband. Husband geleng kepala tak nak pegang..I pass balik pada mum ..Mum mengumam cakap, "la...dia bagi balik kat kita pulak.."..But, family tuan rumah tu cakap "tak pe la, relax la dulu, honeymoon lama-lama sikit.."..

Leganya that family tu cakap macam tu.

My mum is definitely a wet blanket.


2) Salah satu punca I tak mahu pergi masjid yang my mum pergi and I pergi masjid ikut adik I adalah kerana I tak nak jumpa my closest friend yang baru kahwin and baru pregnant. I thought she is my best friend. Sampai lah pada hari I bertunang dia refused to attend my engagement although we live in one neigbourhood area. Alasan-malas.Padahal I ada texting her to come to my engagement ceremony. Tapi I tak dapat tangkap lagi, I thought she had something else to do. Lagipun bertunang je pun, I pun tak kisah my friends tak datang sebab I berpendapat, tunang should be in discreet, and nikah should be announced. Then, malam hari yang I nak kawin, dia datang but with stories. She kept commenting on the ceremony like - baju anti ni baju pinjam ke? pasu sebelah pelamin tu pinjam sapa punya? anti dengan suami anti tu sekufu ke?. She also asked me like "Ana dengar bakal suami anti nak putuskan pertunangan.Betul ke?" "Ana dengar this wedding ni almost tak jadi,sebab tu masa bertunang family belah sana datang lambat. Betul ke?" and many many more.(Ana anti sebab dia ni berpurdah).  It hurts because I never heard such things and I even asked mum and husband if they hide anything to me. Mom so furious and husband asked me to ignore her. I replied to her askings, "I heard so many things about your family. I heard that your brother in law marry your sister because of money and they got married with zero dowry, I heard that your father want to marry another one, and I heard that your business is shut down because you have no clients. But I never trust people and never asking that question to you because I know it never be true. But you do this to me?". She, as a drama queen using tears to blame me for being insensitive. I talked to her on my wedding night to found out that she cannot take the fact that dia anak orang kaya tapi she can't have it all. She admitted she want to marry but never found the one. I know every make up stories she created about me but I just ignored because I know her since I was in primary school. Actually I should know from the beginning of our friendship, I saw it so many time, I heard and I know but I brushed it off. She is anak orang kaya and can have everything and I'm just anak orang biasa and should not exceed her. Like that. The day I marry husband, I decided she is no longer my best friend, she is just a friend.

Eventually she was married with an ustaz on April and get pregnant on June. She called me on Raya and macam ni la lebih kurang the conversation,
"Hai, tahniah. Bila bersalin?"
"Eh, mana tahu ni?"
"La, kau kan anak *****, satu taman ni dah tahu.."
"Oh ye ke..hehehe..InsyaAllah bulan 3 next year..emm..tadi mak anti pegang2 perut ana.."
"Dia memang macam tu.."
"Anti apa khabar? Macamana dengan body?" (Time ni I dah fikir lain, dia memang nak tanya I)
"Macamana dengan body? Erm..gemuklah..banyak makan.." (Buat-buat tak tahu)
"hik hik hik..arrr..macamana dengan kesihatan?
"Kesihatan ok je..Alhamdulillah.."
"Err...err..macammana dengan antibodi? (Ni dah macam soalan bodoh I rasa)
"Hah..antibodi? Antibodi apanya.." (I dah mula rasa annoyed)
"Ala...err..er..anti dah berbadan dua ke..?" (Dang!)
"Eh belum..aku muda lagi..lainlah kau.."
"Eh kan kita sebaya"
"Yelah, tapi kau kan dah nak jadi mak..so nampak lah aku lagi muda dari kau..(gelak tak ikhlas)..Hm..tengoklah dulu camana..hidup di perantauan lain sikit.."
"Ooh...anti tak mahu lagi ke? Masih dalam kontrak lagi ya?"
"Ha'ah..dua-dua kontrak.."
Bla bla bla bla bla..

Letak..

I rasa annoyed dengan soalan bodoh dia yang tanya body la, antobodi la..Serious soalan bodoh. Rasa best gila dapat baby sampai rasa di puncak dunia agaknya. I dulu pun tak tergamak nak tanya bila dia nak kawin masa dia anak dara dulu..

Lantak, malas nak layan.



3) Masa I sampai rumah mertua, masa tu dah malam.Kami duduk-duduk minum teh, then ada orang datang. So I salam je everyone of them. Masa nak balik tu, the makcik tanya "dah ada baby?". I dengan suara serius tanpa senyum cakap, "Tak ada". Then makcik tu segan sendiri kot dia toleh pada my MIL and cakap, "saya ni kalau orang baru-baru kawin saya suka tanya pasal baby je..ehehehe..". Yang MIL pula diam je tak kata apa.. Seriously I tak kenal makcik tu, and dia just kawan pada my MIL je..masa mereka dah balik, my family in law ni cerita-cerita pasal anak perempuan makcik tu yang lawa orangnya dan bekerjaya pula umur 32 tapi masih belum kawin..La..sibuk tanya pasal anak orang..I pulak tak tergamak nak tanya orang tu dah kawin belum atau dah ada anak belum. Tak tergamak. Lagipun mereka I tak kenal sangat, kawan MIL, even sedara mara belah husband pun masih berlapik bila mereka tengok kami berdua, soalan paling cepuemas pun adalah, "kamu berdua dah berapa lama berkahwin..?". Itu je la soalan paling cepuemas je pun..tapi kita faham sendiri la..tapi tak apalah.. actually tak kecik hati sangat la soalan makcik tadi..soalan dia masih dikira light-light gitu..and I jawab pun serious maybe dia terkedu sendiri sebab dia tanya dalam gelak-gelak and sebab tu bagi pencerahan pada my MIL, and turn out my MIL tak bagi respond pun..haha..

Actually, ada orang tegur I tentang jawapan "Takde". Bila orang tanya, I dengan seriousnya jawap dengan lajunya "Tak ada!"..orang tu tegur patutnya jawab lah "Belum lagi" atau "Belum ada rezeki"..sebab kalau jawap tak ada, nanti sungguh betul-betul tak ada. I cuma jawab dengan seriousnya juga "Ok!"...Hormat punya pasal kan, ayah kawan I.Masa tu kawan I kawin, so dia tunjuk perut I (masa tu kempis lagi) tanya I dah ada ke belum. Masa tu nak je I doakan yang kawan I tu lewat macam I tapi tak baiklah sebab itu my friend. And I let go je la. Kawan I tu pula bunting pelamin pun, and sekarang dia dah tak mahu berkawan dengan kami yang belum ada anak dan belum kahwin.. Dia kawan dengan mommies je yang macam dia. Tak pelah.


4) Di rumah mertua juga, rupa-rupanya my sister in law (kawin after a year lepas kami, but dia tua dua tahun dari kami) dalam fertility treatment. Ada satu masa kecoh sekejap dia mengandung sebab dia lewat period, rupanya false alarm. Dia ambil Chlomid I tak tahu berapa cycle. Dia ada beli stok air soya but my husband habiskan, so my husband ganti balik. My SIL minum air soya macam she believe the oldwives tales about soy can boost fertility, then my husband asked her,"Pregnant kah?" She replied, "Tak lah.."..So husband asked her again, "Abis, awat hang minum macam mengidam ja..?" Dia jawab, "ala..hang mana tau lah..".. I just kept quiet and read newspaper. And my SIL sat next to the despicable biras, rupa2nya they talked about the fertility treatment. I was eavesdropping and I quickly went to bed sebab takut nanti the despicable biras tu tanya I pula. Haha..Dah la biras tu setiap kali I balik dia suka tanya pasal berat badan. I bagi jawapan tipu  macamana pun mesti dia kurangkan 2 kilo berat badan dia dari berat badan I.Eee..semaklah! Macam lah I tak tahu dia pemalas masak. Walaupun dia housewife, tapi makanan pun beli. Kami datang rumah dia banyak kali kami yang bawak makanan (eh, termengungkit pulak! kah kah kah). Lagipun haritu my BIL tanya adik dia (my SIL yg pregnant jugak), "dah habis mabuk ni masak tak?". So my SIL ni cakap, "masak"..Then my BIL cakap sambil tunjuk this biras, "dia malas masak."...kami gelak tapi this detestable biras ni mungkin malu terus asking me about my weight depan2 orang. Semak! (Takpe, ini adalah pemangkin semangat untuk I kuruskan semula badan).


Actually, family husband are waiting for three bundle of joys. Semuanya pregnant. Tahun lepas macam tu juga, then tahun ni masing2 pregnant, and by the end of this year kami kena fikir hadiah yang berasingan untuk 3 babies yang selang 1,2 bulan je masing2..



5) We went back to my parents home, and paternal family pula yang sampai. My aunties semuanya. All of my paternal family actually beraya di rumah aunty no.2 sebab my cousin (sebaya, and dia kawin a year after me) bersalin. Except my parents, I asked them to wait, means kalau nak pergi sana pun tunggu lepas I dah balik..hm..actually I can't imagine la how to deal with the newborn from closest family. And as expected, all of them cakap I gemuk sangat. Sungguh this fatness is my fault, bukan external factors or whatever reason. Before cuti raya nak habis, all of them except the second aunty and her family datang rumah parents I. The youngest aunty actually pregnant!

Kisahnya begini, all my aunties (except anuty no.2) plus my grandma went to Mecca for Umrah. Balik dari Mecca, the youngest aunty kept taking MCs, having stomach ache and  unwell. She also gaining her weight and tought that she had food poisoning,so  she and her husband went to see doctor. The doctor on the other hand break the news that she actually have a baby, and the baby is 3.5 months! They actually and initially decided to live childfree! My aunty told me that she prayed for a rizq to Allah in Mecca which she imagine in terms of wealth and prosperity but never thought that Allah give her another kind of rizq. It is quite a shock to them and the whole family teasing them and they become a family jokes, considered that they are getting old and dah beruban pun masing2!

Kuasa Tuhan.


6) One of the family datang. Masa nak balik bersalam-salaman tu, makcik (sepupu ayah) boleh pulak tanya, "Tak ada lagi ke..?" Again, I practise my seriousness cakap "Tak ada". "Ni badan dah naik ni.." "Sebab banyak makan."..Then dia boleh sambung, "anak sedara makcik kawin sama dengan kau dah dua anak dia.." Tapi I tak layan sangat sebab masa tu dan-dan pulak menantu dia cakap dengan I sambil tengok perut I, "Tak pelah, sabar la ya.."..Cakaplah I ni ego ke eksyen ke apa ke, frankly I tak suka orang bagi remarks, "Sabar ya.", atau "Kesian.." sebab it implies macam I ni ada terminally ill disease je..It's like I'm having incurable disease, yang tunggu saat akhir kehidupan, and people come and go ziarah cakap "Sabar ya," and "Kesian.."......Alah, I belum ada anak je, bukan terlantar atas katil berak pakai pampers kena ada orang jaga..At least, I tak la macam anak-anak makcik tu, setiap kali datang, penuh la tandas dan bilik air kami dengan pampers anak-anak mereka siap dengan taik aneka warna..Dah kenyang makan rumah orang tinggalkan taik anak kat bilik air dan toilet..Ceh, macam tak ikhlas pulak masakkan makanan ya..kih kih..don't get me wrong ya..Frankly tak suka dibeza-bezakan dengan orang. Cuba kalau I cakap, "makcik, makcik kenapa duduk rumah tak cantik dan pakai baju buruk, makcik saya yang lain tu boleh je duduk rumah banglo dan pakai baju kurung dari Euro Moda?"...ha..apa makcik - makcik mulut puaka nak kata, mesti mereka akan cakap, "la...rezeki masing-masing la.."....Tau tak apa. Ah, daku kuat berimaginasi je..Tapi bila waktu kejadian, hati masih belum sampai untuk melukakan hati orang dan I pun tak reti melaser2 orang..

Actually nak bangga juga la dengan pencapaian Raya ketiga sebagai husband and wife ni sebab I pergi semua rumah sedara mara dan jiran-jiran seperti yang dijadualkan oleh my mum tanpa bantahan..pencapaian besar tu, kalau tak sure I bagi alasan tak nak pergi.



7) Err..pencapaian tak hebat sangat sebab tadi I turn down 1 invitation open house. I baru 2nd day period so the pain still intact and I make that excuse to ask my husband to go to the open house alone. Tak ape lah, sebab dia macam happy je boleh borak lama2 kat rumah kawan dia, kalau dia bawak I, sure I paksa dia balik tak moh lama-lama kat rumah kawan2 dia..ada certain kawan-kawan dia pun agak mulut puaka juga..tapi mungkin sebab i ni berpewatakan sombong and serious, mereka tak berani tanya / buat joke depan-depan I, selalunya husband yang sampaikan..tu pun tak semua sebab my husband macam berhati-hati juga lah, maybe sebab takut mood I rosak..haha..



Lega gila I menulis kat sini. Cuma I tak tahu if I have children in the future and they read this, what is their impression towards me? And is my credibility and their respect to me affected by their impression? Entah, persoalan itu lebih baik kubiarkan sahaja buat masa ini.



Infertiliy affect everything kan?


Diuji Allah sedemikian rupa.





{sigh}




Allah, You know everything and We depend on You.




Jadikan lah kami hambaMu yang bersyukur.




 

Wednesday, 8 August 2012

Wordy Wednesday

Indeed, I was full of myself thinking that I am successfully pregnant.
My period lewat for 5 days. Never in my whole life lewat macam tu. Sebab tu la perasan.




But I have another reason to cheers, since last week I received my parcel from Kiss & Tell, which I bought a 5 inch pumps to wear on Eid-ul-Fitri.

Being an avid online shopper (Boo to less-choice-and expensive-in-everything Borneo)   I recommend this website for buying shoes because they give fast feedback, clarity in their message, easy peasy payment method and choice for non credit-debit card holder like me, efficient and not to mention the package and the box comes with our shoes. We will pay the same price for other exclusive brands but the 'touch' attached with the items made my heart melted. Not only the shoes, but it comes with the special jaunty pink shoes bag with Kiss & Tell logo, the shocking pink box and not to forget the big white ribbon tied the box with Kiss & Tell pink logo.  It may sounds common but..

ah, please..I just found out that I'm not pregnant. So, let me appreciate my pumps now! 
Hmmpph.

Sunday, 5 August 2012

Petikan (potongan) hadis tentang perempuan yang tidak dapat anak

UZ-ZIFAF Ahmad telah menceritakan :

"Telah menceritakan kepada kami oleh 'Amru bin Hafsah dan Abu Naar dari Muhammad bin Al-Haitham dari Ishak bin Hanjih, dari Husaif dari Mujahid daripada Al-Khudri yang berkata :

"Rasulullah s.a.w. telah berwasiat kepada Saidina Ali bin Abi Talib r.a di mana baginda telah bersabda :

"Wahai Ali, bila pengantin perempuan masuk ke dalam rumahmu, maka (suruh ia) tanggalkan kasutnya ketika ia duduk dan (suruh ia) membasuh kedua-dua kakinya . Maka sesungguhnya apabila kamu berbuat demikian Allah mengeluarkan tujuh puluh (70 ) jenis kefaqiran dari rumah kamu, dan Allah s.w.t. menurunkan tujuh puluh ( 70 ) rahmat yang sentiasa menaungi di atas kepala pengantin sehingga sentiasa keberkatan itu meratai setiap penjuru rumahmu dan pengantin itu sejahtera dari penyakit gila, sawan (gila babi) dan sopak selama mana ia berada di dalam rumah tersebut. Laranglah pengantin itu daripada memakan dan meminum empat ( 4 ) jenis makanan ini pada minggu pertama perkahwinan iaitu :


1. Susu
2. Cuka
3. Coriander (Ketumbar)
4. Apple Masam

Saidina Ali r.a bertanya :
"Wahai Rasulullah, mengapakah empat jenis makanan ini di larang..?"

Baginda menjawab :
"Kerana rahim perempuan itu kering dan sejuk, dengan sebab dari empat perkara (makanan)ini untuk menghalang dari dapat anak. Sesungguhnya tikar di penjuru rumah adalah lebih baik daripada perempuan yang tidak dapat anak."

Saidina Ali r.a ! bertanya :
"Wahai rasulullah, mengapakah cuka itu di larang..? (semasa haid dan semasa minggu pertama perkahwinan)."

Baginda menjawab :
"Apabila ia minum cuka semasa haid, sesungguhnya haidnya itu tidak akan bersih selama-lamanya secara sempurna .

Mengenai Coriander (ketumbar) ia mengganggu haid di dalam perutnya dan menyukarkan kepadanya kelahiran .

Tentang Apple masam, ia memotong haid sebelum masanya maka menjadikan haid itu berlalu begitu saja dengan sebabnya."

"WAHAI ALI PELIHARALAH WASIATKU INI SEBAGAIMANA AKU TELAH MEMELIHARANYA DARI JIBRIL A.S."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I letak di tajuk tu "Petikan", sebab actually banyak kali juga baca benda ni online dan offline dan ada juga dipetik oleh beberapa pakcik makcik atau sahabat taulan kurang cerdik mereka quote the bold line tu.

Diingatkan bahawa hadis ini adalah hadis palsu.

Dipetik dari Tazkirahs, Kujie2, NeezaShahril.
"Hadis ini disebutkan oleh Ibnul Jauzi dalam kitab beliau kumpulan hadis maudhu (palsu); juga dihukumi sebagai hadis maudhu (palsu) oleh Asy-Syaukani dalam kitab Al-Fawaid Al-Majmuah dan juga oleh Al-Albani dalam Silsilah hadis lemah dan Palsu.

Kesimpulannnya hadis ini PALSU.

Hadis ini disebutkan dengan sanadnya dalam kitab “Al-Amali” atau “Al-Majlis” karya : Abu Ja’far Muhammad bin Ali bin Husain bin Babawaih (w. 381 H) dan dikubur di Ray di Iran. Beliau termasuk ulama Syiah."




Mana la tahu kan tiba-tiba Raya nanti ada pulak orang quote hadis ni terus cakap tikar kat corner rumah lebih bagus dari kita ni..

Terus jawab: (senyum sindir dulu) Dapat mana hadis ni? Facebook ye? Tak tahu ke hadis ni hadis palsu? Kesian...Check semula ya..(senyum sindir lagi - bertambah pedih..hahahaha!)



Boleh juga nak baca hadis palsu yang lain di sini: Ustaz HafizFirdaus, MUIS, Tajdid-dakwah.  

Thursday, 26 July 2012

Kebagusan bagi yang belum punya anak

Atau bahasa kasarnya, kelebihan bagi yang tak beranak. Waaa..bukan tak beranak la, lambat sikit je. I marah betul bila orang panggil/gelarkan I "tak beranak". I think kita ni ketinggalan sedikit je mempunyai zuriat berbanding pasangan lain yang 'pop' terus buncit. Lewat sikit je. Sikit je..



Di bulan Ramadan ni

1. Boleh masak sedap-sedap untuk husband untuk juadah bangun sahur dan berbuka.

Sebab? Belum punya anak, jadi tak ada lah anak kacau-kacau minta dukung atau dia pun nak join masak sekali atau buat kecah di dapur. (walaupun ianya moment terindah for most of the mommies), tapi inilah rungutan yang I biasa dengar dari para ibu. Jalan ringkas - Param. Percayalah tak semua peniaga stall di Param pandai masak.


2. Boleh pergi buffet Ramadan bila-bila masa dan makan sepuas-sepuasnya sambil berbual-bual manja dengan yang tersayang.

Sebab? Ini pun I dengar rungutan dari para ibubapa yang mereka tak berapa favour makan di luar/Ramdan buffet/kenduri kahwin sebab they have to take turn walaupun untuk makan. Itu belum masuk baby/toddler yang throwing tantrums sebab kondisi restaurant panas atau mak lambat buat susu atau dah memang napping time dia. Dulu kalau kami makan dengan ibu bapa, my husband siap tolong pegangkan anak mereka supaya kawan-kawan kami dapat makan dengan aman. But sekarang - sorry lah, siapa punya anak jaga sendiri lah. Buahaha kejam!. Haritu masa kat kenduri kahwin ada je kawan kami dengan bangganya (dan gediknya) cakap pada kami, "Kami makan gilir-gilir. Sebab ada anak.". So my husband cakap, "Oh, kalau begitu kami makan dulu la ya. Kami makan sama-sama.". Terus si mak yang gedik tu tarik muka tak nak berborak dengan I..



3. Boleh pergi terawih dan bertadarus dengan aman bersama husband.
Sebab? Alasan yang I dengar juga dari mak-mak, tak boleh tarawih sebab jaga anak kecil. Bagus. Sebab dalam Islam pun adalah lebih afdal si ibu menjaga anaknya di rumah berbanding tak khusyuk di masjid/surau sebab anaknya baring-baring/main-main di sejadah orang. (Boleh google hadis Sahih yang ada).So bagi kita yang masih belum punya anak ni, kumpul pahala banyak-banyak. Allah suka pada hambanya yang merayu kan. Alhamdulillah Allah bagi peluang pada kita kumpul pahala sementara kita masing-masing masih muda dan gagah.  Boleh juga khatamkan Quran jika ada kelapangan masa. Dah Ramadan ke 5 ni, I estimate untuk habiskan 1 juzuk, it took about an hour. Doakan I boleh khatam Quran untuk this Ramadan.


4. Boleh cuba resepi kuih raya

Sebab? Belum ada anak kan..so, kalau rajin boleh lah mencuba resepi biskut-biskut raya yang ada. Tak ada budak kecik yang kacau-kacau time tengah buat kuih. Tapi ikut juga la pada preference, sebab banyak orang kata beli lebih untung dari buat sendiri.


5. Preparation untuk raya boleh buat sama-sama hubby atau buat sendiri.

Erm..contohnya nak cat pagar/cat rumah ke, nak buat extra deco ke, nak jahit langsir sendiri ke, nak kemas rak buku ke, nak kemas almari ke, nak basuh peti ais ke, nak cuci tingkap rumah ke, dan macam-macam lagi lah.


Kalau Raya

1. Boleh pasang badan. Eh, bukan la ada badan lain yang boleh dipasang siap, maksudnya the couple can put extra effort to look good la in festive season/in any ceremony. Nak pakai mekap? Pakailah, bukan ada anak pun nak nangis-nangis minta dukung pun. Nak lilit-lilit tudung/wear turban/macam-macam aneka gaya tudung? Pakailah, bukan ada budak kecik nak tarik-tarik brooch kita atau tudung kita pun. Nak pakai heels? Pakailah, bukan ada budak kecik yang nak didukung pun.  You know, bila I pakai mekap, mommy  (bukan semua lah) akan cakap, "Eeee..saya tak suka la pakai mekap, buang masa, lagipun suami tak bagi, dia suka natural beauty." Padahal tak nak ngaku yang dia memang tak cukup masa hatta nak taruk bedak pun tak sempat. Bila I pakai lilit-lilit, they commented "Eeee..tak ada la nak lilit-lilit, naik terbelit aku tengok." Padahal tak reti, dan senyap-senyap beli the same shawl.  Entahlah, yang ini pun preference individu juga. Ada yang suka ringkas dan praktikal, dan ada yang suka extra effort to appearance. Kadang-kadang bila ada mommy mengata-ngata I (macam previous sentences ni), selalunya I akan replied, "Eh, Kak X (mommy yang put effort to appearance) boleh je, dia pun ada anak ramai."..Selalunya mereka akan cakap, "Anak I lasak, anak Kak X baik-baik ikut cakap.."...Alahai. Ikut suka la kan. Hal ni subjektif. I sendiri tak minat turban sebab I tak biasa dan payah pula I nak membeganya tiap kali lepas solat. Tapi kalau dah biasa tu, easy as a piece of cake je kan..Ikut preference dan citarasa masing-masing.

2. Boleh pergi raya rumah orang/open house tanpa hassle

Sebab - tak payah nak mandikan anak atau siapkan mereka. Hias diri sendiri je, naik kereta dan bergumbira di sepanjang perjalanan. Yeeehaa!

3. Kalau balik kampung jauh (long distance journey), cuma fikir pasal berdua sahaja.

Sebab - tak payah nak ganti pampers/ tak payah nak bancuh susu/solid food. Luggage pun kurang, dan tak menganggu isu rumah di rumah kampung masing-masing akibat teriakan anak minta susu di tengah-tengah pukul 2,3 pagi..

4. Boleh pergi sembahyang Raya

Sebab - bukan ada komitmen nak jaga budak kecik kan? kecuali lah kalau red flag datang bertandang.

5. Boleh hias rumah dengan barangan kaca/tiny decor accessories

Sebab - most of parents (from my observation lah, bukan semua), tak berani letak vase/barangan kaca as decor. Kandang semua rak buku, kandang rak TV, etc. Plus, masing-masing nak anak cepat pandai, they turn their house into kindergarten. Carta animals la, alphebet la, numbers la, shape la, colours la memenuhi dinding dan pintu rumah termasuk dapur dan pintu tandas. I banyak pergi rumah parents macam ni, lebih-lebih lagi kalau the parents adalah cikgu. I fikir it is normal la orang ada anak buat macam tu. But ada satu tetamu yang I jumpa, dia siap perli tuan rumah cakap macam ni, "Rumah macam tadika.". Mula-mula I thought jahatnya la mulut tetamu tu, but bila fikir balik, anak mereka tu baru setahun setengah. My mum cakap kalau nak ajar those things, lebih elok la dalam bilik khas atau bagi buku bewarna warni. Seolah-olah macam menunjuk masing-masing menerapkan kecemerlangan akademik pada usia yang terlalu awal. Ok I faham, they argued that the childrens' brain are like sponge, they absorp what they saw and what they heard, hence the parents need to enhance the brain development of their children. Tapi entahlah. I beg to differ. Mungin dalam hal ni I berpendirian sedemikian sebab I masih belum punya anak. Tak tahu lah akan datang I pulak yang terlebih-lebih buat the same thing. (Hopefully not). Dulu ada jiran yang minta tolong I jagakan anak dia sekejap sebab baby sitter tak sihat. Masa datang tu memang la rumah I kemas, the dia perli I tapi cakap pada anak dia "Rumah aunty ni kemas sebab dia tak ada anak." (sambil mata meliar tengok my house). Masa dia ambil anak dia, memang tak dinafikan rumah I huru-hara tapi I tak kisah la, dah budak memang suka explore things kan. So dia cakap pada anak dia depan I,"adik sepahkan rumah aunty ya..?". Tapi I diam je..Hari-hari kemudiannya dia still menghadapi masalah cari orang untuk baby sit anak dia, so I  then I and my husband ada la offer untuk baby sit anak dia sampai baby sitter sembuh. Tapi dia tak hantar pun. Mungkin dia tak percaya pada I sebab I tak ada pengalaman jaga anak dan mungkin juga dia segan sebab anak dia sepahkan rumah I. I choose to believe the later sebab I nak fikir positive je. Ecewah. Pujuk hati nampak. Hahahaa..Whatever. Lantaklah. Tapi one fact yang you should know, days later, dia pun try decorate rumah dia sebijik macam susun atur dan idea yang I buat tapi dia guna cheap and shoddy decoration la. Seriously speaking dah macam tadika caca marba - sebab menghias guna shoddy material + carta-carta tadika are rampant + sawang habuk still intact + tudung & tie husband dia gantung2 kat living room + sidai kain gebar bertahi lalat di pintu masuk = OMG It's a Disaster! (at least for me, sebab dia jemput everyone ke rumah dia untuk open house). I memang mengata ni, sebab dia duk perli I rumah kemas takde anak kan...lalalalaaaaa...


6. Boleh tolong ibu mertua di dapur dan jadi menantu kesayangan

Sebab - bukan perlu jaga anak. Ni pun my ipar dan biras bising bila dia tengok I busy tolong mak mertua di dapur, mereka punya alasan dan ayat mesti macam ni, "sorry la tak dapat nak tolong, anak tak bagi lepas la.."(eleh nak cover la tu, time dah hidang boleh je isi tembolok tak de pun anak gayut2) ...Ada je ipar yang buat ayat "Ala..boleh la nak buat-buat kerja macam ni, tak ada anak.". Disebabkan I malas nak bergaduh dan ambil pusing, I buat tak tahu je. Pastu dia pula yang segan sendiri. Silence is a wisdom kan? I believe that.

Tapi ye lah, kalau ada zuriat, our 'presence' in the family stronger la kot. Do you believe so? Some people said to me dia depressed nak anak sebab dia nak 'kehadiran' dia dalam family mertua dirasai dan tidak diketepikan. Means, kalau tolong macamana pun, kalau tak beranak, tak ada maknanya.

Frankly I don't know. I dulu ada terasa macam tu, nak-nak bila my parents in law datang bercuti di rumah kami, I saw mereka macam stoned je. Bosan sampai majalah kereta my husband dan buku masak-masak I pun mereka dok belek dan baca. Kalau di rumah ipar2 lain, mereka seronok sangat. Even kalau nieces and nephews tu bergaduh berebut mainan sampai terjerit-jerit pun, my parents in law seronok, and cakap "macam ni la orang ramai cucu.."..

But I think lewat dapat zuriat bukan my fault pun. Bukan I yang berkuasa. Nak rasa ke tak rasa ke my presence in the family I tak kisah punnnngg.  *flip my hair*

Lain-lain

1. Belajar dan tingkatkan ilmu pengetahuan

Hm..kita ni Allah bagi peluang jadi ibu bapa tapi lewat sedikit. Sebab Allah nak kita gali ilmu sebanyak mungkin dan akan terapkan pada bakal anak-anak kita nanti. InsyaAllah dengan keluhuran dan ketulusan hati kawan-kawan, ilmu yang ditangguk, pengalaman TTC yang mematangkan, kasih sayang dan kekuatan kasih antara kita dan husband kita,  I percaya our children are the best among the best.  Sebabnya kan, sepanjang kita berTTC ni, I believe kita mesti tak lepas dari belajar dan melihat pengalaman orang. Macam my husband, dia la yang paling judgmental sekali. Dia kadang-kadang cakap "kalau kita ada anak nanti, kita mesti ajar mereka begitu begini." "nanti kita ada anak, make sure dia pandai itu pandai ini" "kita tak boleh ikut macam Si Polan Si Polan tu, abang tak nak la anak-anak kita macam anak-anak dia" "abang kalau boleh tak mahu la anak kita buat begitu buat begini"...Mula-mula I fikir eksyennya la laki aku ni. But then, I terfikir, it is his hope, I shouldn't kill his hope dan dreams. Allah bagi kita peluang learn and learn supaya kita ambil yang baik dan tinggalkan yang tak berapa baik. Guna yang bijak dan tinggalkan yang bodoh. Tak suka pregnancy update kat FB? Nanti kita pun jangan buat. Tak suka preggers yang boasting pasal baby? Nanti kita kelak jangan buat begitu. Suka tengok baju-baju Suri Cruise? Nanti kita boleh cedok idea baju dia untuk anak kita. Anak Sheikh Muzaffar angkawan negara diajar berenang? Oh anak kita nanti pun boleh jugak whaaaaattt..Nak jadi momma hot macam Victoria Beckham? Silalah. Tak de siapa marah. Ermm..ni bukan tambah ilmu ni, ni nak melawa je kerjanya ni..haha..tapi faham la kan my point..? Tambah ilmu bukan setakat membaca je, tengok TV rancangan berilmiah pun dikira menambah ilmu.



2. Do your best in everything.

 I duduk di kawasan ramai cikgu-cikgu. So sometimes I dengar mereka gossiping atau making remarks about people. Contohnya macam ni, "ala dia memang la boleh jadi Guru Cemerlang, dia bukan ada anak, mana ada komitmen pada anak macam kita.." Mula-mula I dengar memang la sentap, but I'm thinking in the perspective of that Guru Cemerlang tersebut. Dia make full use of her time and life untuk dedikasikan pada tugas dia dan Allah Maha Adil Dia kurniakan darjat yang lebih tinggi pada dia di kalangan masyarakat.

Dulu ada sorang staff kat my workplace dia ni gaji dia naik tapi pada rate yang lebih tinggi berganda-ganda daripada semua orang yang kerja kat situ. It happened because akak ni dia do her best dalam setiap kerja dia. Kalau orang pakai benda murah dan recycle as presentation & demonstration tools, dia beli baru siap DIY penuh dedikasi. Orang kerja 8 jam, dia buat extra 1,2 hour. Jadi dia dapat recognition dari clients hence the good result for her perfomance. So company bayar la tinggi pada dia. And orang lain tak puas hati bua remarks macam ni, "ala dia boleh la nak put extra effort, dia tu bukan ada anak pun, lain la macam kita.."..See, nampak tak kat situ. Instead of mourning sebab kita lewat sedikit mendapat zuriat, we try to be the best in everything we did. Macam akak yang saya cerita tadi ni, dia tunggu zuriat for 5 years, bila anak dia lahir, anak dia cuma hidup for 5 days je. Orang sekeliling tak membantu, masa dia baru naik kerja lepas kebumikan anak dia, ada pula yang gatal mulut tanya, "ada bela kucing lagi tak?". Bukan nak beri kata semangat dan perangsang, tanya soalan bodoh macam tu pula. Bukan takat tu je, lepas anak dia meninggal, dia ada komplikasi (yang I tak tahu nak sebut ) yang mana doktor tak bagi dia pregnant dalam jangka masa 2,3 tahun. Dia move on. Now, dia dah ada anak lelaki yang comel tau. I percaya both of them of ada mempunyai perasaan macam kita. Tapi mereka move and and the best from the rest. Bak kata orang, kesabaran itu manis.



3.
Say YES to vacation
Say YES to movie night
Say YES to shopping
Say YES to hair saloon
Say YES to pedicure and manicure
Say YES to assets like buying house/car
Say YES to earn extra income
Say YES to blogging
Say YES for being foodies
Say YES to charity work
Say YES to take new course
Say YES to gadget
Say YES to books
Say YES to good musics
Say YES to gardening
Say YES to DIY & craft
Say YES to handle your sister's / brother's wedding
Say YES to strolling at the park
Say YES to do Vision Board
Say YES to baby dancing
Say YES to islands and beaches
Say YES to every opportunity


Terpanjang pula tak larat dah nak taip. Anda boleh tambah senarai kesukaan anda di waktu sedang berTTC ini.


Saya bukannya positif sangat dalam menghadapi semua ni. Siapa bagi tips "Bagaimana menghadapi stress tiada anak" memang nak kena penampar la jawabnya. Saya pun mengalami emotional upheaval. Rasa down sangat-sangat. Lebih -lebih lagi bila I got calls from my mum. Dia lately keep reminding me about my age and about my life. It's like dia macam cakap -- tick tock, tick tock, you are running of time..! Tapi beberapa perkara kecil di atas membuatkan saya rasa tak mengapa masih belum punya zuriat.Akan dapat, cuma lewat sedikit je. Rezeki Tuhan kan rahsia sulit. Siapa lah kita sibuk-sibuk nak meramal masa depan. Sedangkan pengembala kambing boleh menjadi pemimpin dan jutawan menjadi pengemis, rezeki adalah rahsia Tuhan yang kita tak tahu dan tidak boleh kawal. Doa mengawal perkara yang tidak dapat kita kawal --lupa quote dari mana.