Wednesday, 5 October 2011

These are harsh; not recommended

Humor is the instinct for taking pain playfully.  ~Max Eastman

 


Although there are flooding of mommy blogs, I still found that the un-mommy blogs are humorous in talking about bomb questions.  Especially after raya celebration, the bomb questions is the central main issues in blog writing, be it "Bila nak kahwin?" "Bila nak beranak?" "Kenapa tak beranak?" "Takde kerja lain asyik mengandung je?" "Kerja mana?" "Gaji berapa?" "Beli rumah dah?" etc etc the list goes on.

I've read some blogs and what caught my attention is the FAQs in Raya.

I am so intrigued reading those blogs because they talked about the bomb questions that I (and you) hate. Their answers are extremely hillarious (at least for me).

Let me modify the answer based on our situation (For those who want to try this, these are harsh you know..)

1
When Lady Annoying rub your belly, and asked "Dah ada isi?"
We can answer. "Ada. Lemak. Nak sikit?"
or
We can answer, "Tak tahu. Tak ada scanner nak tengok isi perut ni."
or
We can answer, "Takde." and we rub  back their belly and asked back "Dalam ni baby ke lemak?"

2
When Lady Annoying make statement with question like this, "Tak ada anak lagi?/ "Tak ngandung lagi?"
Dengan muka seposen but sarcastically we can say, "Tak..apa nak buat, tak subur macam awak(/makcik)"
or
With the same face expression, we can say "Tak..tak reti buat anak macam awak. Awak terer.." (sambil senyum sindir..-ini mesti buat..haha..)

3
Modified from Jebonisme
If they ask, "Dah ngandung?"
We say, "Dah, due 31st February next year"
If they reply Alhamdulillah, they are stupid stupid stupid

4
If they ask "Merancang ke?"
We can say, "Ha'ah, sebab nak travel oversea next month"

5
Q: Takde anak lagi?
A: Tak. Saya mandul makcik..
I don't recommend this. Imagine if you say it for 40 times. God Forbid!

6
All of the answer above will make them a little bit annoyed, and they may say "Laa..cakap je la tak pregnant"
We can say "Next year la saya beranak, ada budak leceh la..."

I warned you kan..It harsh.

Harsh, tapi saya nak try.

11 comments:

  1. u can sarcastically answer like this too:

    1. Dah ada isi ke?
    - dah. 2bulan dah (bkn die tau pon kite tipu)

    2. Takde anak lagi?
    - Takde. nape salah ke?

    3. Bila nak ngandung?
    - awak agama ape? awak tau tak jodoh, ajal semua di tangan tuhan.bukan tangan saya. termasuk la zuriat.

    4. Bila nak bertiga?
    - eh berdua tak bahagia ke?

    5.(if org yg bertanya tu baru melahirkan anak)
    -awak bila lagi?
    -oOO saye punye plan mcm ni, biar anak2 awak semua besar dulu, lepastu baru la saye ade anak, nanti semua org tumpu perhatian kat anak saye sorg je.best kan?

    6. Eh mcm dah lame je kawin..kenape lambat sgt nak mengandung?
    - Cepat atau lambat tu jadi ukuran ke? kalau saye cpt mengandung mcm makcik, anak tu besar jd matrempit je mcm anak makcik taknak la saye. biar lambat asalkan die besar jadi org berguna.

    7. Belum ada lagi ke?
    - Belum, sy lambat sket sbb die keluar nanti bila besar jadi dokter..anak orglain cepat je keluar tapi dah besar xjadi ape.

    8. anak dah berapa?
    -2, anak tekak dgn anak mata.

    9. Ape ni tak mengandung2 lagi? aku ni anak dah nak masuk 2 dah!
    -Itu dugaan ngko, dugaan ko Tuhan bagi anak cepat. dugaan aku, tuhan bagi anak lambat. tuhan uji ko dgn kesenangan, kalau nak ikutkan susah lagi dugaan ko tau tak?

    10. Taknak cuba berurut ke?
    -kalau makcik urut tu boleh bagi saye mengandung, tutop la semua hospital pakar, dokter pakar semue benti keje.

    11. sperm suami awak ok ke?
    -Ok, awak taknak tau ke size suami sy punya skali?


    jgn jwp things like "nak buat mcm mana...tak subur mcm awak..blabla..." mmg it sounded sarcastic tapi ayat tu jugak mcm down kan diri sendri..kite kene bg org tu balik yg down. ha! buatpe jagi hati org kalau org takpenah pun jage hati kite kan? i tried them last raya. lepastu org tu nak terasa lantak la kan. yg pasti lepasni dia takkan tanya lagi sbb dia tau dia balik yg sakit hati.


    (eh jahat betul bunyi nye) hehehe -sori panjang lak komen. i like this topic a lot. hee!

    ReplyDelete
  2. hahaha...you've made my day

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  3. nak tambah satu lagi

    12. Bila agaknya nak ada baby?
    -lagi awak tanya, lagi lambat saya dapat baby. Sebab lagi awak tanya, saye main stress. awak tau tak stress tu lagi melambatkan seseorang utk mengandung????

    ini jawapan & soalan terkumpul saya yang hampir 3 tahun lom berjaya pregnant dan melahirkan anak.

    ReplyDelete
  4. B&C: yg dat face to kene try hehe

    jayfarhana.. like like *thumbs up*

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  5. Nanoke: Hahaha..gembira betul..tapi it's true tau..sakit hati sebenarnya

    Jay: Jay sangat2 pandai..ahahaha..rasa best giler dapat 'sembur' mereka balik..gila punya soalan kan? mak seharusnya jawapan yang agak sengal juga..diorang tu sibuk nak tahu hal dalam kain orang

    MahuJadiIbu: try try..cuba tengok macamana muka mereka pulak

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  6. kah,kah,kah!!!! 1-0 B&C!!!
    I loike!!

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    Replies
    1. kadang2, itu je ubatnya..asyik tanya je..kalau dah tak dukung anak tu tak ada la lagi anaknya..kalau dah ada, barulah boleh tanya..

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  7. bodoh!! last raya.. my neiber suka2 tanya (padahal tangan kami sdg bersalam nih) "eh, anak aku dah pandai berjalan dah ko belum lg) sy jawab very simple (tp ni dah stok kurang hajar)
    family ko mmg mcmtu... yg belum nikah pon dah beranak adatlah tu, sape x kenal dgn family kau!! semua express!! anak sedara ko yg umur 17 tahun pon si Tasha tu aku tgk dah sorong anak dlm stroller, bila nikahnya? xkanlah x buat kenduri kawen beli roti2 kering cicah sup pon buatlah kenduri sket kalo xde budget sgt pon!!
    amacam, kurang ajar x??? hehehe... 1-0 Chin Sun!!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Chin Sun, i teruja gila baca jawapan you...kah kah kah kah kah...


    i know, bukan lah nak menghina kan...cuma sebelum tanya orang tu tengok la diri sendiri dulu kan..

    i tak leh bayang muka neighbour you..macamana merah padam muka dia agaknya ek..mesti serik punya la nak tanya lagi...hhhhhhaaaaaaahahhahahha..

    ReplyDelete