These are harsh; not recommended
Humor is the instinct for taking pain playfully. ~Max Eastman
Although there are flooding of mommy blogs, I still found that the un-mommy blogs are humorous in talking about bomb questions. Especially after raya celebration, the bomb questions is the central main issues in blog writing, be it "Bila nak kahwin?" "Bila nak beranak?" "Kenapa tak beranak?" "Takde kerja lain asyik mengandung je?" "Kerja mana?" "Gaji berapa?" "Beli rumah dah?" etc etc the list goes on.
I've read some blogs and what caught my attention is the FAQs in Raya.
I am so intrigued reading those blogs because they talked about the bomb questions that I (and you) hate. Their answers are extremely hillarious (at least for me).
Let me modify the answer based on our situation (For those who want to try this, these are harsh you know..)
When Lady Annoying rub your belly, and asked "Dah ada isi?"
We can answer. "Ada. Lemak. Nak sikit?"
We can answer, "Tak tahu. Tak ada scanner nak tengok isi perut ni."
We can answer, "Takde." and we rub back their belly and asked back "Dalam ni baby ke lemak?"
When Lady Annoying make statement with question like this, "Tak ada anak lagi?/ "Tak ngandung lagi?"
Dengan muka seposen but sarcastically we can say, "Tak..apa nak buat, tak subur macam awak(/makcik)"
With the same face expression, we can say "Tak..tak reti buat anak macam awak. Awak terer.." (sambil senyum sindir..-ini mesti buat..haha..)
Modified from Jebonisme
If they ask, "Dah ngandung?"
We say, "Dah, due 31st February next year"
If they reply Alhamdulillah, they are stupid stupid stupid
If they ask "Merancang ke?"
We can say, "Ha'ah, sebab nak travel oversea next month"
Q: Takde anak lagi?
A: Tak. Saya mandul makcik..
I don't recommend this. Imagine if you say it for 40 times. God Forbid!
All of the answer above will make them a little bit annoyed, and they may say "Laa..cakap je la tak pregnant"
We can say "Next year la saya beranak, ada budak leceh la..."
I warned you kan..It harsh.
Harsh, tapi saya nak try.