Monday, 26 September 2011

After raya, not yet pregnant.

19th Sept 2011
10.06am

My health condition
I was referred to the Orthopedic and surgery specialist at government hospital. Numbness and blankness filled me. I don't know how to express my feelings; am I nervous? Am I excited? am I exuberant? or am I scared? I don't know, but my mom kept calling me and expressing her worriness about my neck lump that I mentioned before. She afraid if it might be cancer or the sub-cancer. She told me about the visit of my father's cousins in Raya recently, and they also facing the same way.Apparently it is undangerous, or their doctors told them so.

I went to the hospital, and waiting for my turn. The room full with octogenarians and thats why my turn reached at 11.45am  although I waited since 9am, since the old citizens are given priority to see the doctors. Eventually i met the doctor, and he did asked me several questions, same questions as previous doctors. Except he instructed me to open my mouth and lift my tongue, so he found the real cause of the lump. He found that my gland is also having the lump.

Apparently it is not cancer or something that my mom thinked about. It just my salivary gland and my weak immunisation. Talk about immunisation, some doctors I met before also talked about the same thing, I am weak compared to my husband, and that explains why I was given extra medication although we went to see the same doctor with the same disease. The specialist decided that my condition is not suit with his specialization and referred me to another specialist which is
ENT (Ear, Nose, Throat) Specialist. My appointment will be tomorrow. I hope I can get rid of this lump, it makes my face look funny and I feel downgraded with that lump, except I am grateful I am not lying down on bed.

About TTC
The result from HPT = Not Pregnant. I know I'll not pregnant in this nearest months. However,we are so naughty and babydancing on the way to our hometowns in hotel room..{shy}.Back to our small crib when the Raya holiday is over, I thinkedI felt the cramp. I thought it was the implantation cramp, but second thought, it might be ovulation cramp. The cramp was hovered about 3 days, and I was stupid we didn't making love at those days. I bought a HPT before we catch movies on the weekend. I did the test and waited. Before the movie was begun, the test showed the result and brought me the agony. The agony rose when I just realized my husband bought "The Smurfs" movie when it begun, with the heroin (Grace Wilson - character in the movie) is pregnant her first child with her husband. What the...I watched the movie with no interest except seeing the belly of Grace Wilson and her maternity blouse.

How about Raya?
Raya been so calming because no one in my family members asking about the pregnancy, and that's what i love about my family in law. They asking me about my carrer and my Master thesis.How thoughtful! The only thing i despise in this Raya is, I went to the relative house and ate about 2 and a half bowl of laksa. One of the relative who was not interested to entertain us suddenly asking me about pregnancy ("Mengandung ke?") and put her hand on my belly.I just said in smile "Tak". I loathe her and I told my mom about that. My mom telling me this, "macam mana dia tak ingat kau mengandung, kau makan banyak.Kan perempuan bunting selera makannya bertambah". How stupid I am,only know satisfying my big appetite while if i want to eat laksa, i can found it ubiquotously.

I went to my friend's wedding, and my other friends who coincidentally also in the ceremony were not asking but complimented me how i can stay slim. But, before I want to go back and greeted the bride's mother, her father asking me if I pregnant. Of course I said "Tak". He correcting me "Bukan tak ada, belum rezeki".. Ok uncle, if you know so much about rezki, don't ever ask me again about my inside in my stomach. Care for your own daughter lah!

I think if I still not getting pregnant next year, I want to travel to oversea in Raya..How pathethic!

20 September 2011
5:57pm

Today I see the ENT specialist, or knowns as Otorinolaringologi (Ear, Nose and Throat). The doctor confirmed that my lump is caused by salivary gland, either my saliva is abundant or the gland is blocked. She also checked my nose and the result my nose is in pink. I asked if it is cancer but she against the idea because the my lump is extremely soft while the cancer have hard lump. I went to pathology department for blood test and waited for one and half hour to get the result.

After that, I straighly went to x-Ray department to get my appointment to do the CT Scan. It will be on early November.The doctor said, the operation will be performed based on CT Scan. I asked the possibility of operation, given with my case, and the doctor told me there is big possibilty that I will have to undergo operation to avoid increment of the lump and to cut the blocking gland.
I am sorry this blog is somewhat dull, because I am dull and the story here is dull. I am not eloquent with story-telling.

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