Sunday, 8 May 2011

What makes the engine go? Desire, desire, desire.
-Stanley Kunitz, O Magazine, September 2003-
  • I feel (or felt?) offended today. A person who barely know me and husband telling her easy journey to a motherhood by asking me this question as an introduction. And I, hiding behind the curtain of my study busy-ness saying i'm busy and will think about a baby later. I become a liar today to overcome the shame of this (hopefully not)-perennial issue. Let called her Mdm Annoying.
Mdm Annoying: Do you take any medicine?
Me : (I am deadly serious bewildered with this question.I never expecting this kind of question from people that i barely talk). What medicine?
Mdm Annoying: Err..medicine for pregnancy. I did took folic acid after my first miscarriage to strengthen my womb, maybe my womb was weak so i took folic acid and now i got  my daughter..
Me : Ooh..that kind of medicine..Not yet, i have to wait until i finish my thesis.
Mdm Annoying: Ooh..you wish for childless until you finish your study.. Pity your husband, he looked
like he want one!
Me : Oh no, actually he the one suggested this to me.
Mdm Annoying: Oooh.. (i can see her face kinda tad embarassed for slipping out her tongue about her secret on difficulties toward pregnancy).. (silent for a while) If you wish to get pregnant after you finish your study, you better  take folic acid. I don't know i got pregnant for the first time so i didn't take any precautious step. I was so stress with my work and wish for a baby. Until the seniors advised to us to relax and enjoy and do not think about hoping for baby. At the end of the year, we traveled and had vacations and it happens.
Me : Ooh..(nodded)so, how long you wait for the next?
Mdm Annoying: About 7 month.
Me : Oh, it's not that long..(she seems disagree with my reply. I know 7 months is long i but intentionally said it)The stillbirth baby, is it still small?
Mdm Annoying: Yup, just a month.
Me: Ooh..
  • The conversation is longer but i happily (in evil) that i controlled the conversation about her miscarriage although she kept talking about her easy pregnancy with beautiful daughter. I know i'm a liar and evil for asking and talking about something she doesn't like but her advice was  unwelcomed.Kibitz. Plus, she gave me the wrong info about the function of folic acid. I don't like and hate this conversation as it (sound) like implied me being a stupid naive barren sinful wife. It just because i don't know her deeply. Yes, we did cherished her little baby, of course we did happy for our friends little miracle, but asking that kind of question hurt me. This time i resent it by being a liar and encounter them in evil domination of conversation when i can see her discomfort face when i diverted the centre of the whole talking. {evil smirk}. I was so dissapointed and didn't finished my lunch. {sigh}


  • I have a grandma who still believe in some supertition. I called her after the Zuhur and secretly i weeped. She took care and looked after me when i was little, and i am now super busy to spend time to call her. Today she give me one of the petua to get pregnant. If you find you are hard to get pregnant, have intention (or nazar) that you will give your baby to some (2,3,4) of your closest friends/sisters as an adopted child (anak angkat). When the baby is delivered, bring your little one to the intended closest friends/sisters (seperti yang dinazarkan), do something; like your friend give her thumb to baby to suck, or kiss him/her, or just rub his/her head and tell you (the mother) and they will tell you " i will give him/her to you back". And they or you can cook some porridge be it white/red porridge to seal the 'deal'. It's not real adoption. I just don't know if you need to tell the friends/sisters about your intention about 'adopting' or just keep quiet about it before you want to get pregnant. My grandma told me she wished for a son and did it for my uncle and she said it is common knowledge and tradition for people in previous era in treating 'disintegrated eggs'.

From,
B & C

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