Forgiveness is not for sale nor it's the will to forget
- Cry For The Moon from Epica-
I had mentioned before that i surrounded by preggers, be it the second child or the newly-married bride with bunting pelamin. One of them is sit next to me in the office. It all begin when i started my new job there few months ago. On March, she got married, without telling officially the boss and the colleagues. Only the closest knew the so-called 'hot news', provided that she (i assumed) considered herself a 'hot babe' with so-called 'low profile'. It was because she want to prolonged her l week leave to 2 weeks leave. She neither invited me nor telling me nor sending card. I don't mind as I'm still new there. I found out that her closest friend were so astonished and kinda withdrawing when people knew she got married. I also found that that they treated me like i know nothing about the so-called hot news. I as usual mind my own business.
The weeks later after she got back from her hometown, things were in normal, except i saw she looked forlorn for missing her husband with long-distance relationship. People still talking and asking but what she doesn't noticed that our office flyers in one of the programme already put her name with title Mdm. Means, people already knew it and took it as normal as other marriage,except people didn't congratulated her or gave wedding gift, after all, she want it to be secret.Tak mahu kecoh-kecoh.
One day, she and her friend drool over her wedding pictures. I teased her friends "Ingat awak yang kahwin..". He friend replied "Bukan saya..Ha..Jangan terkejut tengok gambar ni.." I confused "Kenapa nak terkejut..kan kahwin perkara baik.." sambil tengok gambar-gambar itu but her friend shut down the pictures thing when realized i'm not shocked even a bit. Why should I..
Few weeks later, I was bombarded with one event which the other colleagues summoned me, i went to the mentioned place and there i was with another friend. She also being summoned as she was in-charge at that week. We need to do something that required our energy and she refused to do anything as she declared to us she was pregnant. I'm not astonished as i already knew that before when i overheard her conversation with her friend. The conversation was talking about how do people can knew she was pregnant and accused their other friend as mulut tempayan. So that's how i knew it. However, friend of mine who with me that day was shocked. So it confirms my assumption.
At first, i'm quite jealous but it's not up to the point i withdraw myself from her or not talking with her. Although she is younger than me, she want me to begin the conversation first. If not, the whole day we are like strangers. I don't mind as i never thinking of her as part of my thoughts.
However, lately i noticed something unpleasant. She change her friend's circle i.e she only sat with preggy friend, only talk about baby things like makanan, mengidam, klinik kesihatan,etc etc etc. But still i don't mind. Things worse when i just realized that everytime when she talking about her belly and showed it to her preggy friends she looked at me, everytime she talked about pregnancy things she looked at my face, evertime she put her hand on her belly she looked at me, like she want to see my face expression. Like she want to see if i sad or i jealous looking those things. I, somewhat rebelling never asked her about her pregnancy but instead i asked her preggy circle friends about theirs,even in her presence, as they are quite simple and plain about their pregnancy.
For me, it is so disgusting. It is because she get pregnant first she think i'm the unlucky one? It is because she easy to pregnant she think that i'm in depression for not being lucky as her? It is because she is pregnant she thinks she is so fertile and i'm not? Does she thinks that she is super hot like celebrity by being secretive about marriage but explode the popularity with pregnancy news? Or, am i the one who over-react right now?Sometimes i wish i got pregnant with twins!! Oh Allah please grant me your miracle.