Dreams are necessary to life.
It has been ages i abandon this blog. Lame excuse, i am busy. My cycle become longer. It started on February (/January?) when it delayed for 3 days, then on April it delayed more than 3 days, and now in May it delayed another 3 days more..I started taking Clomid although it tasted deadly terrible. Today is the third day and I have 2 more days.
One of my officemate who sat in front of me just got back from her confinement, and everybody congratulate her for the newborn and not least her glowing skin. So far she never asked me the 'bomb' question, and i happily asked her the labour room experience. She delivered her daughter by the least medical intervention despite gave birth of a quite big baby.
Another officemate who is pregnant for 3 months madly selling romper and baby clothes. And I, I bought two pieces, with the reason i wanna give it to my nephew and nieces, one of them is not born yet but my sister-in-law is pregnant for 2nd child.
Actually, i feel like wanna give up hoping a child. I'm thinking of childless life. I have an aunt who become a second wife but miscarriage once. And now she is a pensioner who always come to my parent's house as she is childless. She is super senior in hotel industry so she don't bother to put an effort to get pregnant. After she is not working anymore, she always expressing her regrets for not putting even an effort trying to conceive. Plus, she thoughts that she is old woman who is not fertile anymore. It is true that she got married a little bit late but it only 30 something. I know two persons in my life who get married on 30 something even near 40s who are married lebih kurang sama bulan dan tahun dengan saya, and they are making bouncing and cherubic babies. After knowing the feeling of TTC, i become more sensitive with my aunt as she is the one who is a generous lady to her nieces and nephews. And my mum always told me to treat her as my 'the other mother'. When i bought some souveneirs, i bought for her too.
In despair, i do not have any 'pantang' anymore. My husband told me that it is "Kun Fayakun'..I ignore any fast food, but my husband show to me that people who came to McD or KFC or Pizza Hut are mostly a family with small childrens. Are they having children with fertility treatment? I don't think so, if they got the fertility treatment, they will not eating McD because McD is cheap but the fertility treatment is expensive.. So the fast food only the contributing factors but not the main reason of cannot-conceive-thing.. Ah, this is only my opinion..